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I have been in a relationship with my girl for almost a year now. I am having a lot of trust issues with her. To start things off...we met while she was on a date with another guy. We have since fallen in love. I don't think i knew love before her. we live in separate cities about 70 miles apart. we see each other every weekend and more sometimes. She is so amazing, but i am afraid i am going to lose her because of my trust issues. She has brought me into her world over the past year. I have met and we hang out with her parents, and other family. i even went to her family reunion this year. She has really brought me into her world. I constantly worry when we aren't together and i am afraid i am driving her away with it. We have been in constant communication ever since our first date. we text everyday all day. She tells me she loves me and i am never going to lose her. She hates it now when I question her about anything suspecting and i feel like she is distancing herself a little lately. She tells me I have nothing to worry about and that i need to stop with the grip I have on her. She has lots of girlfriends that she hangs with when i am not there and has a few guy friends that she hasn't hung out with yet but has talked about them more lately... I miss her all the time and love my time with her. I get jealous sinking feeling when she is out with her friends. I can't imagine how i would feel if she was with a guy friend. I would probably freak out.

 

I have had a rather shady past myself and I wonder if it is that is the problem. I got married to my ex wife because I got her pregnant. it was a horrible marriage. It was not love. I was not faithful to her nor have I ever been faithful to anyone I have been in a relationship with. I wonder if it my own past that is causing me to feel like i do. A constant worry that something is going on behind my back.

I feel like i am in true love for the first time in my life, I don't want to mess it up.

I don't want to lose this girl. I want to stop worrying and enjoy my life. I want to be with her everyday.

any advice? any help?

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Go and get counselling to try and change your own bad behaviour first. I dont know why some people keep trying monogamy when they keep failing at it! Its ridiculous. Are you cheating on your current sperm bank? (Thats what i call women who put up with this kinda crap)

 

maybe you should quit trying monogamous relationships coz your obviously bad at them and find someone who also wants to sleep around.. or is that too bad for your ego? One rule for you and another for her..

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why do you think i am posting to some forum trying to find some advice...? i dont want anyone else. i love her. i want to be with her everyday. i have never felt anything for anyone before her. our story is amazing. i am different now. its an amazing feeling to finally find love. i am trying to get over my past and own distrust. i worry way too much now. i want to find trust in myself and in her. i appreciate any comments or feedback from anyone that can relate or has advice. its a big feeling i am having. life changing.

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You don't need to be with her everyday nor would she probably want you there everyday. Your need and want to be with her everyday is nothing more than a way to make sure she is only with you and not someone else. If you don't trust her, then dump her because it's not fair to her to have to deal with your insecurities.

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I am not going to dump her over my insecurities. I am going to enjoy the love i have found and i hope to marry her someday. we have been in a relationship for almost a year now. we are getting ready to have our first Christmas together. things are great except how i am feeling inside. She has brought me into her world. I don't ever see myself with anyone else. Maybe i just need to see counseling for my own demons. I don't think I could deal with life without her. I love her that much. You see why I worry? I worry too much I think. I know she is the one. I appreciate everyone's feedback. It's very interesting and helpful.

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Yeah I don't see a problem here at all other than insecurity on your end. She definitely seems into you based on her actions. I've struggled with this in the past and it can definitely tank a good relationship if you don't get it under control. You need to allow her to have her own life and friends - that is 100% normal and healthy. Try some stress reduction techniques like regular exercise and keep yourself busy so that your mind doesn't fixate on these negative thoughts. Meditation and therapy can help too but I would only suggest therapy as a last resort if you really cannot get it under control.

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Counselling would be helpful.

 

You have to do something or you will definitely lose her. I have a friend who has a bf like you and believe me it's not attractive. It'll wear her down and she'll get sick and tired of feeling like she has to run her every move past you and the relationship will end.

 

Does she know about your past history? I'd want to know about it if I were with someone and if I found out later down the track because it were hidden from me I'd have no faith and trust in the relationship.

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thanks for the great advice clowguy, makes a lot of sense. this is really helpful.

 

I don't want to lose her. she is being so supporting and loving. she knows my past, we share everything.

 

I know I have to fix this, and I feel like I am pushing her away with it. it has affected many a day.

 

I use to be a fun, loving, carefree person and then something made me start worrying and wondering and now I don't think it's as fun for her and I wonder if I can get back what I put out there before it's too late and she tells me that it's over.

 

she is amazing.

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Check out my post in Getting Back Together. I just recently ended a relationship with a man I loved and the only reason for it was because he was insecure and did not trust me. It ruined our relationship and I finally broke up when I couldn't handle anymore, didn't feel like he wanted me to have friends or my own life, didn't feel like I could be myself anymore.

 

You need to fix it, because if you don't, you will be WORSE when you see her everyday. You will watch everything she does and analyze it to try to convince yourself that she doesn't want to be with you. It's a very slippery slope

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