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My ex left me almost 3 months ago after being together for 3 years and 4 months. We've been having limited contact (I tried NC but always broke it). Today I was weak and talked to him. I told him that I was still in love with him and I hated me for that. We talked for a while until this afternoon when I sent him an email in which I told him that I didn't want to be sad anymore, that I'm 21 years old and I have many years to find the love of my life and all that stuff. That I love him and wish him the happiness he deserves because, after all, he is a nice person and loved me more than anyone else.

 

He then replied that I'm a very funny, smart, femenine and very attractive so I will find anything I want. That he loves me too, I made him extremely happy and I was the best girlfriend I could. That I took care of him and loved him very much. That he is very thankful for everything and he wish we could have a friendly relationship in the future.

 

 

So, he is sooo over me

it's been 3 months and I haven't made any progress. I know that after this email I won't contact him again. I don't want his friendship now. I love him so much, he was the first boy that ever liked me and when I was with him I felt that everything was so easy and beautiful. I really thought that we were meant to be (I know you'll say I'm very young but I felt that with all my heart).

Now he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, he's even dating a new woman. I sent that email because I wanted him to keep a good memory of me, without all the drama of the last months.

I don't know what I did wrong to make him give up on us. Maybe he wanted to date other women and not to stay forever with his first gf or something (he is 21 as well). But I feel like I wasn't good enough.

I still have hope and I know I shouldn't! I don't know what to do to make my mind realizes he is not coming back.

I don't have friends and I'm very shy to try to meet new people. So I feel really lonely.

I wish he could loved me again like he used to. Not in this friendly way. But it's been 3 months so I don't think he will ever come back.

I wanted to asked you, since he was my first boyfriend and I don't know, how long this will take? How long it takes to move on? How to give up hope? I know we all are different and our break ups were all different but I wish you could give me some advice.

 

Thanks (english is my second language).

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You have to make sure to stick to No Contact. No stalking on Facebook or anything either.

 

Everyday gets a little better. I am right there with you. Just found out a few days ago that my first love has gotten married to another man. Five months ago she and I were inseperable.

 

So I know how much it hurts. But you just have to try to remember that what will be, will be. Life doesn't work out the way we want it to sometimes. But it works out as it should I think.

 

Hang in there.

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Hi there.

 

My ex left me almost 3 months ago after being together for 3 years and 4 months.

Its always tough for that period of time.

 

We've been having limited contact (I tried NC but always broke it). Today I was weak and talked to him.

Why? What did you think you would gain? Did you gain it?

 

I told him that I was still in love with him and I hated me for that. We talked for a while until this afternoon when I sent him an email in which I told him that I didn't want to be sad anymore, that I'm 21 years old and I have many years to find the love of my life and all that stuff. That I love him and wish him the happiness he deserves because, after all, he is a nice person and loved me more than anyone else.

Good job, Genuinely. But love you more than anyone else has? You are 21, you haven't given half the guys you will meet a chance to love you.

 

He then replied that I'm a very funny, smart, femenine and very attractive so I will find anything I want. That he loves me too, I made him extremely happy and I was the best girlfriend I could. That I took care of him and loved him very much. That he is very thankful for everything and he wish we could have a friendly relationship in the future.

This friendly relationship is dangerous. Its not possible to be friends with an ex so long as you have feelings for them. Its not a friendship then. Its one person holding out for the hope they might get the other one back through a friendship of fallacy.

 

 

So, he is sooo over me

Good for him.

 

it's been 3 months and I haven't made any progress. I know that after this email I won't contact him again. I don't want his friendship now.

Ok, this right here is progress. Honestly, for me, getting over people is easy when you feel like you have already tried everything. I never wanted to be in a situation where I thought; 'maybe if I did this'. I wanted to try everything, then if I failed Id know.

 

I love him so much, he was the first boy that ever liked me and when I was with him I felt that everything was so easy and beautiful. I really thought that we were meant to be (I know you'll say I'm very young but I felt that with all my heart).

You sound very sweet. We have all been there, finding someone we were sure was it. Sadly, fact is, we just dont know. We never know.

 

Now he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, he's even dating a new woman. I sent that email because I wanted him to keep a good memory of me, without all the drama of the last months.

Well then I say good job. Leave with your head held high.

 

I don't know what I did wrong to make him give up on us. Maybe he wanted to date other women and not to stay forever with his first gf or something (he is 21 as well). But I feel like I wasn't good enough.

Its not that you weren't good enough for him. You simply weren't good enough with him. You will find someone you are amazing with. Guaranteed. But this time it was a failure. I remember reading somewhere about the chances of you genuinely finding your soul mate. Some newspaper published it a few weeks ago. If I remember correctly they rated the odds at 58:1. Meaning you would have to live your life 58 times to find one person who was this 'soul mate'. What I am trying to say is rejection is going to happen. Rejection is going to happen alot, either you are rejected or being rejected but either way, there is rejection. All you can do is look at it positively, and it is a positive event. One of the most positive in my life so far was being dumped. Because I looked at myself, really critically looked at myself and tried to fix the thing I thought I failed at in the relationship.

I still have hope and I know I shouldn't! I don't know what to do to make my mind realizes he is not coming back.

In time you will realize.

I don't have friends and I'm very shy to try to meet new people. So I feel really lonely.

Im sorry you feel that way. Some hobbies or something might help you to meet people? If you feel really lonely feel free to send me a PM if that would help you. I am always happy to reply when I get a chance.

I wish he could loved me again like he used to. Not in this friendly way. But it's been 3 months so I don't think he will ever come back.

He is gone. Sorry but he is gone.

I wanted to asked you, since he was my first boyfriend and I don't know, how long this will take? How long it takes to move on? How to give up hope? I know we all are different and our break ups were all different but I wish you could give me some advice.

That depends on you. For me, how I moved on was the comfort of knowing I tried everything to get them back. Once I knew that and they still wouldnt come back I knew it was done. She had decided the relationship was done. It was her decision, not mine. I was willing to give it everything but she said no. Quite simply, I reasoned she wasnt good enough for my love. I could do better, there was someone out there who deserved everything I had to give and I would find them. While I waited I would work on improving things I saw in myself I didnt like. I would improve on things I thought I could have done better in the relationship. I forgot about the other person and focused on what I did and didnt do. Within a few weeks, that was it. I was done.

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I can assure you, he does think of you often. He may try and hide it, for now, but it will surface in time.

We cannot get over a LTR in days or weeks. Can take months.

 

Best thing, for you is to aim away from him now. Give respect & space. Now that you've done your part- be done with it.

 

Work on YOU. Go with the flow of the loss. It will be hard for a few months as you deal with it and all the emotions to follow.

When you to come to 'accept' it, things will start to ease. All takes time.

 

We understand your pains... you're not alone.

 

take care.

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Thank you guys so much for the support.

 

I'm very depressed because my life is a mess right now. I don't know if I like what I'm studying, I don't like my body, I don't have friends, I don't like my job and the person I love the most left me.

I feel that if I die, everything would be so much easier. But I don't want to think that way. I want to be happy. So I'll try to focus on how to make my life better.

 

I'm starting to accept the break up because, as you said, Raaawr, I tried everything to get him back and nothing worked out. There's nothing else I can do.

I tried to make things work when we were together. I accepted him as he was (very jealous and with bad mood, and other awful things) because I truly loved him and wanted this to work. I'm not perfect either but I think I was the best girlfriend I could. And for what? For being dumped like this? All the effort and love I put on this was meaningless.

 

The reasons of the break up weren't enough for me to break a LTR. My conclussion is that he met this woman while he was with me and that's why he left. And the reasons he gave me were excuses. I have very low self esteem and all I think is that she is probably sexier, smarter, better at sex, more interesting, I don't know. When we were together he used to say that I was the most beautiful and smartest girl. Now I feel horrible.

 

I wish I could put my life in order. I need peace.

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You can...one step at a time. Take this break from school and see if there is something you would rather study. Say hello to someone new every day....the girl who makes your coffee, the Peron next to you in line. Reach out and enjoy your life and control your destiny. I don't know about you...but something called happiness has never knocked on my door.

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Hi CleoC - I'm sorry to hear the hard time you're going through. I would like to throw this out there - you create you're own reality and all of the "I Don't's" you mentioned - will only result in more things you don't like. What you dwell on persists. I've been where you are and it really is tough - but pain can be a really good thing if you use it in the right way. What helped me - is I remembered that every emotion whether positive or negative feeling - has a "POSITIVE" intent. For example - if you have feelings of resentment - it could be your body trying to protect you from getting hurt any further, etc. Right now you're going through this "Crazy 8" pattern - going from sad and loneyl (and when you're tired of that) you go to Mad and Angry -and when you get tired of that you go back to lonely and sad. Everyone does this - even when they're not going through a break up, etc.

I didn't love myself or feel worthy to feel love, or look good, and the list goes on. Draw a line in the sand from your past. You're worthy of a great loving future - now use this pain to create it!!! Take care Cleo!!!

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Thank you so much struggleorbles. I really need the support.

I guess I'll allow myself to be this sad until the end of december. I can't do this anymore. And I'll do my best to make 2014 better.

I hate my body. So I have some work to do there.

And I was a very nice person with my ex and he left. That has destroyed my self esteem. And while he is with a new woman, I think that no one is going to love me again. But I know I deserve being love, and with my ex I discovered how much love I can give.

So I know it's a long process but I'll do my best to feel good again and find love and peace in the future.

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Hi, I don't think you should put time limits on healing, it will take as long as it will take. I found that I felt better when I stopped telling myself how I should be feeling. The good and bad feelings come and go in waves, I am now 6 months on and I have more good days than bad, three months ago they were mostly bad!

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No, of course I won't put time limits on healing, I know it's a very long process. What I meant is that right now all I do is cry and want to sleep all the time. I feel really depressed. And I don't want to feel like that. So I need to start working on myself.

 

I know I'll miss my ex for a very long time. And I know that I'll be sad for that. But I also know that I can change other aspects of my life to make this long trip easier.

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I changed my working hours. I'll work in the morning since January so I'll have afternoons free. And I will use them to start swimming and going to the gym.

I have a little trip planned with my mom to a very nice place.

I don't know how to make friends: I'm really shy. Maybe I should start therapy to see if I can work on that.

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I changed my working hours. I'll work in the morning since January so I'll have afternoons free. And I will use them to start swimming and going to the gym.

I have a little trip planned with my mom to a very nice place.

I don't know how to make friends: I'm really shy. Maybe I should start therapy to see if I can work on that.

 

Good for you that you're moving on. I wish I was as far in the acceptance process as you are. I still have a real hard time, having dreams about her and waking up feeling miserable. Today i got back my stuff thanks to my dad and she found it necessary to point out AGAIN that she didn't have any romantic feelings anymore. It makes me feel frustrated and desperate all over again. I feel like my life is empty without her, which it kind of is bc i spent so much time and energy in her i lost track of my own life. It really, really sucks. You're doing good. Keep it up.

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I changed my working hours. I'll work in the morning since January so I'll have afternoons free. And I will use them to start swimming and going to the gym.

I have a little trip planned with my mom to a very nice place.

I don't know how to make friends: I'm really shy. Maybe I should start therapy to see if I can work on that.

 

These are great starts! The sooner you can start therapy, the better. Take plenty of pics with your mom!

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Good for you that you're moving on. I wish I was as far in the acceptance process as you are. I still have a real hard time, having dreams about her and waking up feeling miserable. Today i got back my stuff thanks to my dad and she found it necessary to point out AGAIN that she didn't have any romantic feelings anymore. It makes me feel frustrated and desperate all over again. I feel like my life is empty without her, which it kind of is bc i spent so much time and energy in her i lost track of my own life. It really, really sucks. You're doing good. Keep it up.

 

I understand what you are feeling. A few weeks ago my ex told me he missed me but as a person, not in a romantic way. It really broke my heart. 3 months after the break up I still have dreams about him and still cry a lot. I put all my energy in him and I feel lost. But I realized that I'm responsible for my life and I'm not going anywhere.

Take your time to put your life in order. Try to make little things that makes you happy. For example, I love watching movies. So if I'm having a bad day, I'll watch one so I could get out of my reality for two hours. My life is a mess right now but I won't live forever and I don't want to die knowing that I had a miserable life, I want to change that.

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