Meant to be or a lost cause?!

[colledgehannah]

So I've known this guy most of my life, he's now 24 and I'm 21. I first met him when I was 10/11 years old as he was originally close friends with my older cousin and ever since I was young, I've had a crush on him. As we grew older and started bumping into each other on nights out, our chemistry and relationship grew. We've always gotten on incredibly well, had lots in common and made each other laugh - but it's never been the right time. Either one of us has always been in a relationship whilst the other one is single and visa versa. I've had two long term relationships over the course of five years and for both, this guy was occasionally in the background, whether that might mean talking via texts/messages or innocently flirting on nights out (I say innocently because nothing has ever or would ever go further than that whilst we're with other people as we would never physically cheat on our partners).

In May of this year, we were out together for a mutual friends birthday. Up until that point we'd been talking via message on and off, despite me being with a boyfriend and him having a girlfriend. We'd admitted we had feelings for each other but weren't in a position to do anything about it, even though I was in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend that month. On this night out I met his girlfriend who was lovely and I started to feel guilty. The next day I text him and called time on our conversations, saying it had to stop, that it wasn't appropriate and that I didn't want to be his 'bit on the side' when things were rough with his girlfriend. He was upset and annoyed about this but I stuck to my guns and didn't speak to him for several months.

This weekend, we went out together for another mutual friends birthday. I'm now single and he is still with the girlfriend mentioned above, but she didn't come out with us. We were out until six in the morning and on the way home, the taxi emptied until it was just him and I. He walked me back to my friends house and he brought everything up, admitting to me that he still had feelings for me and that it made him jealous seeing one of his friends kiss me (even though it was all done in jest and wasn't sexual). He said he'd like to think there'll be a time for us eventually as we've always missed out on an opportunity to be together. He said that me not wanting to talk to him anymore had been hard and that at first he'd been angry, but then he'd realised I was right. He said I looked stunning and that he'd deliberately not asked for my new number a couple of months back because I'd said I hadn't wanted to talk anymore. We left things having been completely honest with one another about our feelings, NOTHING happened, he didn't try and kiss me/make a move on me, it was all done very openly and maturely.

Now, I can't get him out of my head. I've always felt that we would be SO good together and I'm struggling to let go of that as for now, he does have a girlfriend and I try and tell myself it's hopeless and unrealistic. What do you think!? Should I give up all ideas about this guy or should I hold out? I would never ever literally wait around for him but I can't help the way that I feel and I would love to eventually see us together. Do you think he's being genuine or do you think he wants the best of both worlds i.e. the excitement of talking to me and the security of a girlfriend? Bearing in mind he got out of the taxi to talk to me when he didn't have to, then had to walk MILES home as a result. I'm cautious because I mean EVERYTHING I say to him and I feel like I'm investing my emotion into someone that I can't be sure about. Help?

[mhowe]

Stop the crushing. You said he acted maturely...and he did. But if you take one more step...you will be crossing your own moral line. He doesn't have your new number.

 

You were right months ago...and. nothing has changed. Stay calm and carry on with your life.

[Raaawr]

Pro tip; Paragraphs are nice! Anyway...

 

So I've known this guy most of my life, he's now 24 and I'm 21. I first met him when I was 10/11 years old as he was originally close friends with my older cousin and ever since I was young, I've had a crush on him. As we grew older and started bumping into each other on nights out, our chemistry and relationship grew. We've always gotten on incredibly well, had lots in common and made each other laugh - but it's never been the right time.

There is no right time. It doesnt exist. There is a time when you get food up waiting for the right time and time when you just go for it.

 

Either one of us has always been in a relationship whilst the other one is single and visa versa. I've had two long term relationships over the course of five years and for both, this guy was occasionally in the background, whether that might mean talking via texts/messages or innocently flirting on nights out (I say innocently because nothing has ever or would ever go further than that whilst we're with other people as we would never physically cheat on our partners).

Some would consider this 'innocent' flirting as crossing the line.

 

In May of this year, we were out together for a mutual friends birthday. Up until that point we'd been talking via message on and off, despite me being with a boyfriend and him having a girlfriend. We'd admitted we had feelings for each other but weren't in a position to do anything about it, even though I was in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend that month. On this night out I met his girlfriend who was lovely and I started to feel guilty. The next day I text him and called time on our conversations, saying it had to stop, that it wasn't appropriate and that I didn't want to be his 'bit on the side' when things were rough with his girlfriend. He was upset and annoyed about this but I stuck to my guns and didn't speak to him for several months.

Good job drawing a moral line, I can appreciate that.

This weekend, we went out together for another mutual friends birthday. I'm now single and he is still with the girlfriend mentioned above, but she didn't come out with us. We were out until six in the morning and on the way home, the taxi emptied until it was just him and I. He walked me back to my friends house and he brought everything up, admitting to me that he still had feelings for me and that it made him jealous seeing one of his friends kiss me (even though it was all done in jest and wasn't sexual). He said he'd like to think there'll be a time for us eventually as we've always missed out on an opportunity to be together.

You didnt 'miss' out on . You both chose not to make time for each other, simple as that.

 

He said that me not wanting to talk to him anymore had been hard and that at first he'd been angry, but then he'd realised I was right. He said I looked stunning and that he'd deliberately not asked for my new number a couple of months back because I'd said I hadn't wanted to talk anymore. We left things having been completely honest with one another about our feelings, NOTHING happened, he didn't try and kiss me/make a move on me, it was all done very openly and maturely.

Openly? I dont think his girlfriend would see it as very open.

 

Now, I can't get him out of my head.

Human nature, want what you cant have.

 

I've always felt that we would be SO good together and I'm struggling to let go of that as for now, he does have a girlfriend and I try and tell myself it's hopeless and unrealistic.

Yes he has a girlfriend, and he is talking about this with you now. How will he behave if he was with you?

 

What do you think!? Should I give up all ideas about this guy or should I hold out?

Up to you, but in my opinion if there was really something there it wouldnt be a case of "we have both always been in relationships".

 

I would never ever literally wait around for him but I can't help the way that I feel and I would love to eventually see us together.

Want what you cant have...

 

Do you think he's being genuine or do you think he wants the best of both worlds i.e. the excitement of talking to me and the security of a girlfriend?

Very possible, based on the history I would literally bet on it but at the end of the day only he knows.

 

Bearing in mind he got out of the taxi to talk to me when he didn't have to, then had to walk MILES home as a result. I'm cautious because I mean EVERYTHING I say to him and I feel like I'm investing my emotion into someone that I can't be sure about. Help?

Guys like to walk when they have had a bit of drink. I know I sure do. Help with what? You've literally answered your own question. You want what you cant have and you base your theory of you being good together on absolutely nothing. Neither you nor him has actually pressed to make it happen so I think its a big pile of not much.