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Difficulty feeling sparks post breakup


Bookish26

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It's been nearly four months since my last relationship ended and I recently started seeing a new guy who should be perfect for me - he's smart, and cute, and we have a ton in common. But I'm just not feeling the same "sparks" that I felt with my ex right from the beginning of our relationship. (To be clear - it's not that I'm not physically attracted to him - I am.) I keep wondering if I should give the new relationship more time - if some of those sparks might come a little later because of my recent heartbreak - or if it's better to end things now because we're missing that chemistry. Anyone have any experience with this?

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I feel exactly the same way about the new guy I am seeing. He is very "into" me & has told me, but I am not there yet. He is an amazing guy, a lawyer, handsome, funny, tons in common too, an absolute gentleman, pays for everything......I actually think I am a little scared & waiting for the bad things to start happening, as I have never met someone that is so "perfect" for me.

 

Maybe this is how you are feeling? Thinking something will go wrong, or a "horrible" side to him will come out ??

 

I am taking things very slowly with my guy and seeing what happens, I suggest you do this too.

 

Good luck.

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The "spark" is never the same twice. he's not your ex (thank goodness b/c exes are usually exes for a reason). Just b/c the spark doesn't feel the same doesn't make it inferior.

 

Give it time. And remember no two men are the same your connection with them won't be the same either.

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I can only tell you that that is what my ex told me.

 

It was only 3 months but it hurt. I felt the attraction and that there was something there behind the look that she gave me. She was 90% sure of her feelings and she didn't want to keep going and risk me getting more attached and her not.

 

Whatever you do, just make sure that you are sure.

 

It's worse to regret what you didn't do than what you did.

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I don't believe in the "spark", or rather I think the "spark" is really just a feeling of excitement that comes with being uncertain about how they other person feels and whether the two people are compatible. I have felt that in many relationships that did not work out because although there was physical attraction, there was not much else (in the way of compatibility) and we were not right for each other. I think for me when I'm with someone that I feel 100% comfortable with, the feeling is so different. I don't feel all jittery and stressed (what I think of as the "spark") I feel calm, happy, randomly smiling throughout the day thinking about something the other person said or did.

 

So to cut a long story short, I think as we mature the way we feel about what we need in a relationship changes. We'll always need physical attraction as a baseline (if there isn't that, no point in dating the person and you've said you have that so that's great) but as we mature we tend to place more emphasis is put on compatibility than on some elusive undefined "spark." Just my opinion.

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