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I need to end my relationship for good... terrified and unsure of how to do this


LonelyMoondancer

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To sum up my situation and last few threads, my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me a couple of weekends ago, due to problems that we both felt were on his part. He said he wasn't able to change/work on his issues and that it was best to break up, but he called me crying the next day saying it was a mistake. I took him back for stupid reasons, but I've been regretting it all this time.

 

We are long distance so the last time I saw him in person was when he dropped me home after ending things. I spent an entire day feeling drained and sad, but also relieved because I felt like it was my chance to heal and meet someone else someday. Now I am trapped again, and nothing feels the same. Whereas I was always working hard to make the relationship work through my own desire, I just feel indifferent now. I feel like he doesn't try as hard as I do- he never did. And while he is loving and supportive in many ways, he often picks childish fights and puts me down, and I have no desire to put up with that any more, even if he tries not to do it so much. Why should I when I have the choice to be with someone else who might be easier to get along with in addition to being loving? Surely I'll find someone wonderful again someday?

 

I'm just terrified to be honest. My parents pressured me to make up with him when he called me that day, and because I was being pathetic for some reason, I gave in and forgave him even though I felt indifferent about whether or not we could move past this. I don't even want him forever, as of now. The thought of being married to him and having his kids one day, it's just not a pleasant thought anymore. I'm not sure why my desire to make it work has just diminished now. But I'm tired of tiptoeing around his feelings. I need to get out of this situation, but how? I am supposed to visit him for next weekend. The thought of him touching me upsets me, yet somehow I still care and feel bad about hurting him. I need to think of myself this time though- it has always been about him, and I can't do it anymore. Wish I could break up with him on the phone... or that I had never picked up that day two weeks ago. And I wish my parents didn't think this guy is the best I can do, or that I had more social support at this time. I have no one, and will have no one. I'm doing my best to be normal and pleasant out and about lately, but I feel pathetic and oversensitive lately. Not a day goes by when I don't burst out crying out of nowhere (thankfully no one but my family is ever around when this happens). Just very lost and miserable right now and the holidays make me feel worse.

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You call your bf and tell him you changed your mind.

You tell your parents that you understand their intentions are good, but you will not live your life to please them.

 

You will have someone when you are ready to have someone. And you are feeling pathetic and sensitive because you are not living YOUR life.

You will feel better ater you break up with your bf.

 

Honest. It will feel like a weight off your shoulders.

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Yes, you can find someone who doesn't feel the need to exert control by playing games. And verbally smacking you down and then building you up is control, make no mistake about it.

 

First, take a deep breath. Talking to your parents is hard, I know, but I would tell them you will make a lot better decision about who to spend the rest of your life with if you feel free to be single and really evaluate what YOU need in a partner, not what they feel is best. And tell them you know they want what's best for you - but right now, you need some time for you, because this man is just not someone you feel the way about that you should about a life partner. That you're ok with being single rather than a bad match, and you'd appreciate it if they would support your decision.

 

Then tell him that you just don't feel about him the way you want to feel about a life partner, and you aren't willing to continue wasting both his time and yours. Since he already broke things off once, I would tell him it's obvious to you that he, also, doesn't feel the way he should about a life partner - and you feel it's best for you both to part ways.

 

It won't be easy. But it WILL be worth it, even if you reflexively want to jump right back to him initially. Stop yourself every time you have an impulse to backtrack, ask yourself if it's for you, or for someone's opinion OF you... and keep on keeping on.

 

You will feel much better.

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