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i have become extremely cynical and depressed


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I have lost my sparkle.

I am allowing my life situation to bog me down! i no longer have self love, zero motivation to do anything.

i know i am unhealthy and unhappy.

i smoke a lot, which people tell me is only adding to my depression.

 

i don't even feel like a shell of myself.

the voices in my head are so mean to me, they tell me I'm not good enough, or pretty or funny.

when i hang out with people i don't even know how to react, its been really weird. i feel very out of my skin.

I am very cynical and i can tell people feel uncomfortable around my negative atmosphere

 

 

i am lost with no guidance.

 

i am very confused also, i used to be so positive, focused on the present moment, beaming with a personality.

i commute to community, i do not have a group of friends around..and my friends who go to school have moved on..

i am hanging with a younger sketchy kid who makes me feel like I've really lowered my standards.

 

lost and insecure

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It seems to me that you have lost your way.

 

You need some counselling. Yes, the smoking does not help. It's a coping mechanism to distract you but in the end, like drinking, it will make things worse. I suggest you write some more details down, here on this site if you need.

 

You should seek some and in the meantime, look for somebody to talk to; friends, family, or even pm me.

 

You can do it and you will. One step.

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Can you join a support group for quitting smoking? Maybe a meetup group that's free? Taking on and overcoming an addiction like that will make you feel super human and you CAN do it. I think if you start there, the other things will fall into place...you'll feel better about yourself, you'll realize how strong you are, you'll likely make new friends/connections....

My advice is to start there and move outwards.

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