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it's time to admit I need help with a career


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I was traumatised with multiple bereavements in my late teens and early twenties. I became exhausted and the career I always thought I was supposed to have never materialised.

 

For a long time I thought I had a different path- spirituality, some sort of easy way out. I was so tired all the time and I didn't realise why.

 

Now I'm mid 30s and suddenly it has dawned on me that I am deeply ashamed that I do not have a career. the bereavements left me with money, so I've been able to get by.

 

But now it's time to face the fact that I want to do something with my life, and I don't know where to begin. I want to do something that I know I will be proud of. But somehow I am feeling a great deal of shame. It is hard to admit the last 15 years or so have been a complete waste of time, avoiding what I really wanted.

 

The trauma was the trauma. I'm starting to face it. WANTING a career is progress. But the shame is killing me. I want to eat humble pie and not be afraid to buckle down and learn something. But I keep getting pulled into shame responses and just going home and lying in bed for days.

 

I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe I'm just venting. How to keep pushing through?

 

Yes I see a therapist… but I feel like time is flying by. I want to get moving so much that I keep stumbling and falling back .

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Define career. A job? Your own business? What do you want? Be concrete.

 

You are struggling because you are not specific. A vague I want to do something is really quite incapacitating. There is no place to go when it's just something broad and vague.

 

So, define what it is that you want in concrete terms. Career is crazy vague. Yoga instructor is specific.

 

People change careers mid life all the time and start totally from scratch. Women and a few men go from being home, raising kids to searching for a job, a career, etc all the time. You are not special in terms of waking up in your 30's and essentially starting from square zero. Some even go for it in their 40's. You are never too old and it's never too late. However, you do need to have a specific goal in mind if you want to actually achieve something.

 

Once you know specifically what your aim, is the rest is really quite simple. You need to research what you need to get there and how. Google is your best friend. Think outside the box too. Do you need a degree because of licensing issues or is hands on experience better? Do want to work for big corp or a plucky start up with few rules? I've had people who are looking to change their life offer to work for free - in exchange for learning, for experience, to get their foot in the door, mentoring, etc. A lot of your success depends on your determination. You say you want to eat humble pie, so eat it. Lying in bed and wallowing is not it. Figure out what it is that you want and go for it full steam. Commit to it, make it work and don't expect it to be easy either.

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