My ex partner wants to see me

[silvertoes]

So first here's a background story:

 

I'm a 20 y old male who was seeing a 25 y old female (who happens to be my sister's good friend). We were together for a little over 5 months. I can say that I truly loved this woman, from the depths of my heart. While we were getting together, we decided not to label our relationship and take it slow, especially since she was set to move to California come January of 2014. Everything was going incredible. She quit her job and came to Burningman with me and my family and friends, I would come up from NYC to be with her every weekend and weekday I could (She lives in the town I grew up in 40 minutes away). We had a beautiful relationship, communication was exceptional and the sex was outstranding. The first week of Novemeber she let for North Carolina to be with her older sister as she was due to have her 3rd baby and she wanted to help out. Admittedly we had a convo about hooking up with other people and that it would be inevitable while she was out in California and I was in NYC. SO when she left for North Carolina, I hooked up with another girl brought her home, but decided at the last minute that I couldn't have sex with her, not after my partner had just left a couple days before. Then I felt guilty and told her, and then I sex chatted another girl online the next weekend and felt awful. So anyway, during the week after I told her about my hook up and things were going great, she was even considering staying in NY, then I told her about the chat and she was a little mad, I think more than anything I shouldnt have told her about such petty mishaps if we had agreed it was ok to hook up with other people and if I knew deep inside thta I didn't even want to be with other women. So then we patch things up and I go to NC to see her. Everything was different when I got there, there was a sort of distance that I couldnt put my finger on. Then one night we both got drunk at a bar and she essentially told me that she loves and cares about me, but isn't in love with me and that there are certain things that I can't give to her being only 20. I tried to take it in stride and hold my space. We still had sex for the next couple of days we were there, but it wasn't genuine. Then as I left on the plane she texted me saying that she was sorry for being so cold and that she felt it was difficult to really feel intimate with me. At first I was like, hmmm this is fine, I'll just go talk to other girls. Then when I got home from the Airport I crumbled, I cried for 2 days straight, all I could think about was her, all I wanted was her, I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, I couldn't concentrate on anything. It was one of the more difficult days of my life. I cried in front of co-workers, in front of my boss, I was lost in a boat at sea, desperate to feel whole again. I really felt like my chest was torn open and it was hard to breathe. All I could think of was what could I have said differently, how could I have acted, it was absolute torture, every song I listened to reminded me of her, I couldnt distract myself from the feeling.

 

I talked with her after, I email her a well thought out letter of what I had been through and how I felt, we also facetimed for an hour a week later and I couldn't hold the tears back. Then one day I turned myself around, and I started feeling hopeful again. I decided not to text her or prolong any unnecessary conversations. Then she texts me asking if I'm ignoring her with a frowny face, we had maintained contact almost everyday since I had gotten back from NC and she assured me she cared about me and that I would always be in her life when we talked, but I always knew that I felt more than she did. To cut the story short, I decided to not contact her for a while since I felt that we were going through the motions when we talked and there was no spark left, something that I didn't need to be reminded of everyday.

 

So when I told her I needed space, she said she respected it, and I was willing to talk to her when I finally answered back, just to see how it was going with her sister and the new baby, but she then said ill leave you be so as not to exacerbate the situation, and I thought to myself, hmm maybe she's right, so I replied Thank you. Then she almost immediately follows up with a text saying she'll be in New York Monday (today), Tuesday and Friday if I still would care to see her with a sad face at the end. I don't know what to do!! On one hand I want to see her more than anything, on the other I feel as though I should not do this to myself knowing she'll be leaving soon anyway. Please tell me what you think I should do.

[mhowe]

I don't understand. As soon as she leaves town, you look to hook up. And sex chat.

Then you see her and she basically breaks up with you.

Is that the difference --- you were okay with moving on knowing she was in your back pocket, but now that she isn't, you are heartbroken.

 

And needing "space" doesn't mean a few days. It means "space".

[silvertoes]

You're right... I guess I was just being naive throughout the relationship and I wish that I wasn't. So should I not see her in the next couple of days and maintain my space. thanks for the blunt honesty. I hooked up with another girl cause I thought it was exciting and allowed, but then I ultimately felt terrible and was super excited to see her in NC, but I suppose I just gotta move on and work on myself for now if she is leaving me behind at the end of the day anyway

[mhowe]

I wouldnt bother hooking up with her again.