Jump to content

Any advice on dating a high profile musician?


JA0371

Recommended Posts

Hi all. My girlfriend Dawn recently met a guy while visiting her home state and told me this story so I'll relay to you for input:

 

Dawn went to NJ for Thanksgiving. While there, she met this guy while out. He plays in a band and is a guitarist. She said there was an instant pull with him, and she only got to talk to him briefly before leaving but she got his first and last name and of course looked him up on FB.His first name is Mark. She said there was definetely an attraction..so she left him a message saying she liked his show, etc. Im guessing Markisnt an avid FB user because she said it took him over a week to respond to her message, but he remembered her an friend requested her.

 

Fast forward: Dawn and Mark have been messaging each other frequently. He is in Miami doing a show, and called her last week for the first time, though she said it was a brief call.

 

So my reason for posting this is we want feedback on what to expect when dating or talking to a musician.

I can't offer any because Ive never dated one. I said he seems interested but it's a long distance situation and musicians tend to get lots of attention from women. I also told her to not aft like a groupie or text too much. Let him initiate. Other than that, does anyone have experience in this situation?

 

Thanks in advance

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Groupies and peer pressure are the problem with some touring musicians. Girlfriends rarely get to go out on the road unless they'r already a part of the entourage. If he's been at this a while, then he's probably got girls in many cities who think they are "friends" like your girl thinks she is with him.

 

She should keep her eyes open and keep her expectations in check. The road is a demanding mistress.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Groupies and peer pressure are the problem with some touring musicians. Girlfriends rarely get to go out on the road unless they'r already a part of the entourage. If he's been at this a while, then he's probably got girls in many cities who think they are "friends" like your girl thinks she is with him.

 

She should keep her eyes open and keep her expectations in check. The road is a demanding mistress.

 

Thank you. Good advice.

I personally could not compete with that kind of lifestyle. Best advice I could give was to not be like every

Other girl he probably dates..and to be more challenging.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually worked with a woman who's son was in a pop punk band- also from NJ! They're pretty well known in their area of music. Her son was the sweetest, nicest kid and had a girlfriend who he's been with for a couple years and from what i know he was crazy about her and always faithful. The thing is, there will always be girls throwing themselves at them because girls are just like that, especially for 15 seconds of fame so to speak. So if he's a decent guy, he's not going to care about those girls and it won't matter. However, long distance will be an issue and will be pretty hard to handle. The couple i know rarely get to see eachother and he's always all over the US and the world. They recently split on her part, due to the fact that it was hard for her to cope (i don't know her personally, but apparently she was kind of biotch anyway)- so you just have to be prepared to deal with a lot of long distance and him being all over the world, and you have to be able to trust him and know that he's the type of guy that deserves your trust.

 

A lot of these guys are just regular guys, their lives are just kind of non stop moving and instability. As long as the fame hasn't gotten to his head, it's worth a shot if you guys click?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Has he asked her out? Because from what you've posted, it doesn't sound as though there was as much immediate attraction on his end as there was on hers.

 

Also, is she sure this is him? Some people do put up fake profiles of famous people.

 

Yes she met him in person. It's him. I saw YouTube videos of him playing and his FB page. As for him asking her out, he lives in Nashville and he travels. She just said they've been texting, and he's called her. From what she's told me and what Ive seen from his page and videos he's a pretty successful musician and producer with a studio in Nashville. He also does music videos and is in Miami filming something for HBO with Mike Tyson. That's all I know about him being 'real'.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think its fair to lump this guy into an expectation based on his occupation, but I do think you know what the stereotypes are for most high profile musicians. He could meet the stereotype, or he could be himself. She will have to find that out on her own.

 

Yes. Speaking from experience: each individual on his or her own merits. Imagine if this person traveled daily for some other position, a consulting job for example. How would it work?

 

The rest is noise: even less well known musicians have a following, so they're accustomed to telling a public versus private story, using false names, etc. Whatever, its just a job, one that is basically freelance based on strong industry networks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It doesn't sound like they're dating or planning to date since he lives so far away and travels regularly. Having a steady girlfriend he doesn't see that often probably isn't high on his priority list. I would advise her to keep her options open as he most certainly is likely to. ...although again, it doesn't seem like they're 'dating' anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It doesn't sound like they're dating or planning to date since he lives so far away and travels regularly. Having a steady girlfriend he doesn't see that often probably isn't high on his priority list. I would advise her to keep her options open as he most certainly is likely to. ...although again, it doesn't seem like they're 'dating' anyway.

 

No they aren't 'dating'...but they are discussing meeting up again. I have told her pretty much what everyone here has said. To not get too involved, not get her hopes up and just have fun. I'll keep you all posted thanks for the input!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have done it, but not on a serious or exclusive level. It's fun if you don't have any expectations. Just treat him as you would any other fling/relationship. Understand that he is going to be on tour and you won't see him all the time, and he may not be looking for anything serious. Just be cool, don't act like a groupie and let him take the lead.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I honestly think it all comes down to the girl's attitude. I am friends with high to low profile musicians. They are all the same. Their careers stop when they stop. Let's fast forward and say you guys end up getting married. No matter what, he's gonna be in a studio, on tour, etc.. for long periods of time. If he is a "big" part of the band, (meaning the main songwriter, the frontman, etc..) you are most likely to do whatever he says. His job is 24/7.

 

As long as you understand what his RESPONSIBILITIES are then you should be fine. Talking and flirting with girls is part of the job.

 

Here's a tip: Ask him to do a SKYPE with you. Touring musicians don't have much time in the world to talk. Texting is too simple and they are probably consistently talking to whoever...BUT if you ask for a phone call or Skype, you'll know if the dude is interested or not.

 

I was on tour with a guy who was married and another who had a serious girlfriend (they are engage now) All of them where a SKYPE or Phone call either before or after show or during a break. They would basically disappear.

 

Also, if he "INVITES" you to a show or take hang out with HIM... that's a serious sign.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My BF is a musician and a guitar player and he played in several bands, and has one now as well.

He went on tours before, now its not that often since they are working on some new stuff, he plays at home too.

 

I think it depends on a person a lot more then on persons profession.

My BF adores me, and I am 100% sure he will never cheat on me on tour or something like that.

 

For sure they are busy people, and as a girl you need to accept that music is important for them, and their band is their family and touring is the most amazing thing you can go through as a band-member. If your friend has jealousy issues, she should definitely solve them before dating a successful touring guitar player/musician. Or she will drive herself crazy) You cant get angry and jealous when he has a band-gathering planned, while you wanted to stay home with him and watch "Friends", you know))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

An ex of mine dated a famous basketball player. She said that she knew she wasn't the only girl he dated but that it was kinda fun to be a part of that for a short time. Eventually, she decided she didn't want to be an NBA girlfriend.

 

Interesting sidenote: He gave her his number on the interstate. Traffic was stop-and-go and she was driving a nice car. He wrapped a business card around a coin and tossed it through her window as their cars were next to each other.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi guys...

So Dawn text me and said that Mark did FaceTime her after driving more than 15 hours back home last night, but she was unable to accept it because her phone wouldn't connect, so he called her instead and they talked. She said he was so tired but thought it was sweet that he Did that. That sounds like a positive sign to me..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As far as dating it's all irrelevant unless he asks her out on a date (yes I understand about the distance but he could come visit her). No "signs" -his talking to her probably means he enjoys talking to her and might mean he thinks she is cute and enjoys flirting with her. But I wouldn't assume he has any interest in dating her if he hasn't asked her out on a date. And if he thought the distance was an issue he would still want her to know he is interested in dating her but sees the distance as an obstacle. If she is looking to meet someone with potential for a long term relationship I would not waste time chatting with someone who is not making plans to date her in person. His occupation is irrelevant other than it's an occupation that often requires travel. And perhaps more of a risk that he has groupies and is used to this kind of flattering attention.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good points ....in his defense (for NOW) they've only been talking via phone/ text for about a week. So they are in the getting to know you stage right now. I don't thinkit wold be wise to insisting that as of yet. JMO...

 

And forgot to mention that she said she asked him if he went to that place often to play where they met, and he said usually a few times a year and she joked that maybe she'd plan a visit there again next year to see him, and his reaction was something like ' oh planning ahead of time? I like that."

 

Anyway, hoping it goes well for her...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good points ....in his defense (for NOW) they've only been talking via phone/ text for about a week. So they are in the getting to know you stage right now. I don't thinkit wold be wise to insisting that as of yet. JMO...

 

And forgot to mention that she said she asked him if he went to that place often to play where they met, and he said usually a few times a year and she joked that maybe she'd plan a visit there again next year to see him, and his reaction was something like ' oh planning ahead of time? I like that."

 

Anyway, hoping it goes well for her...

 

I agree that a week is not a long time. But if he doesn't make specific plans to see her (or tell her whether he plans to date her) within the next week I'd assume he was going to be a chat buddy to flirt with. I don't think his cute/sweet words mean anything as far as whether he wants to date her. They're just words. It's c clear he knows she's very interested in him. I don't think she should joke around about traveling to go see him because that will give him the impression that she's a groupie with a crush.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Update: Dawn told me Mark asked her today if she wanted to come to Tennessee. Lol...so maybe that's a good sign.

 

No, I don't think so. Sorry to be a party pooper.

 

Was in a long term relationship with a musician who did a lot of touring/travelling. Been around a lot of musicians. Not that it necessary makes my advice/input any more on target than anyone else's. But I do think I have some familiarity with how it 'tends to work'.

 

Asking women to come here or there is the least a guy can do. It really puts him a position of making it really easy on himself.

 

A good sign would be he asks her on a date, he contacts her regularly, he does all the things a normal guy does when he is interested in a woman.

 

Think about it. If a random guy who WASN'T a musician said "Oh come on down to my part of town, that'd be great"....would you see that as a good sign?

 

I think as of right now Dawn is really flirting her way into fling-town.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with everything you've said....and Dawn would never just drop everything to go visit this guy. He'll have to wait or come to her simply because I know her job won't allow her to. I just think it's fun to listen to the story unfold. As of right now I think their contact is 50/50..but I think it would be wise of her to let him pursue her more at this point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...