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Boyfriend's switching to night shift and it will be harder to be together.


bamboobam

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My bf works for a construction company doing asphalt work and we are both college students. We will both be done and graduating next fall. Right now, I am currently unemployed and looking for another job since my internship just ended a couple of weeks ago. Anyway, the issue is that my bf is going to be working nights 5 days a week on weekdays from 6 pm- 6 am and he's never worked a shift like this before. Reason being is that the 3 classes that he needs are being offered during the day only. My main concern is rarely getting to see him and becoming distant since I know he will have extremely long days with little sleep. Is it a good idea that I look for a job that's on weekday evenings only so I can have the weekends to be with him? It would suck to get a job that includes weekends so it will be even harder to spend time or even go on a date. I know it's going to be rough for him next semester and I want to be there for him as much as I can. I would hate sacrificing getting $, but love is more important to me than $ and when I am done with school next year the money will come. Is this a good idea?

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Yes, I think it will be a great idea to try to find a similar shift job, so you have some more time together. Just be careful not to end up in you both being sleepy and grumpy all the time. Get enough sleep, and don't push yourself over the edge. You still have school to do!

 

As for the fear you will get distant... My BF worked night shifts at the bar (his previous job), sometimes till 7 AM from 8 PM with a very crazy schedule, and I work 8 AM-5 PM, 5 days a week. We managed to see each other somehow. Now he has evening shifts sometimes (every second week), so he leaves at around 2 PM when I am still at work, and he comes home at 11-12 PM when I am asleep. That is very hard, we don't see each other, except in the morning when I leave, and in the night when he comes. But there are still weekends. And I have noticed its good to be alone sometimes. So now I do all my girly stuff at these evenings when he stays late at work doing the evening shifts. ))

You will manage it! If you have enough money now to support both of you, then I would say don't work at all or have a part-time job.

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I think that the best way to approach this is to not make it about what you stand to lose in the short run, but what you stand to gain in the long run if you get your fears in check.

 

There is no reason why you should become distant over a short term change in a schedule. He's not going to be doing this for the rest of his life--just for a semester, right? The only thing that's going to cause distance is you putting stress on him because of what he needed to do in order to 1. finish his studies and 2. earn a living while he's going to school. Yes, you should look into a job that has you working an overnight/graveyard shift--at the same time he's working because when his shift is done, he'll be going to class or coming home and crashing. Having worked overnights/graveyard shifts myself, I can tell you that if he's not at school, he's going to be sleeping because it's hard to drag the body out of it's normal sleep patterns. Therefore, it would be best if you, too, worked the exact same hours he did so that you're not sitting around the house waiting on him to come home and then being hurt, miffed, upset that all he wants to do is crash.

 

In May when the classes are over, he can then go back to working a day shift. That is only 5 1/2 months away, not 10 years away.

 

If you can bring yourself to exercise patience and understanding, you will have a far easier go of things and you won't bring unnecessary stress and strain into your relationship, because the answer is not him quitting his job or school so that you can have time together.

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I usually don't work graveyard shifts because getting sleep and doing well in school is more important to me. Plus, I have 5 classes next semester so I am not looking to work that many hours anyway. I've always worked nights, but never that late. Just that the situation has changed a bit, that's all.

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Just wanted to chime in and commiserate. I am actually on the verge of considering a change in schedule, also. With both of us working in the restaurant industry, we are both used to not having weekends together. When we first started dating we had Monday. A couple job changes for us both, and recently we've gone entire months without a day off together. Even neighbors comment that when my car leaves, his comes in and vice versa. The day he has off from work, is the day I have to go in early or stay late. It gets very taxing.

 

In my experience, just having that one day to look forward to can be the saving grace. I would make it clear to your future employers that weekends are off limits (or pick one day sat/sun).

 

Good luck, this is only short term and you will be fine!

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You can't begin to imagine how miserable working the graveyard shift is unless you are doing it (unless you are a hardcore night person who naturally prefers to sleep days and stay up all night).

 

and you're not only going to be working nights, but also have to be up during the day to take classes. So your biorhythms and sleep cycles are going to be totally screwed up which means you'll both be cranky and exhausted most of the time, which will probably lead to more fights!

 

My suggestion is that you stay on your normal day schedule, see him whenever he can work you in and isn't overly exhausted. Otherwise your 'extra' time with him will be about both of you being cranky and out of sorts which isn't good for a relationship.

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