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This has the potential to get really awkward


StrcPrstSkrzKrk1903

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OK, so I'm in a situation right now that, if I'm not careful, could turn into a romantic triangle.

 

Back in late spring, I met a woman through my church. We had some great conversations and then decided to meet up for coffee. During our meeting/date/whatever you want to call it, I felt like I came on a bit strong, especially given the fact that she wasn't really reciprocating. Call it impatience or pragmatism, but I decided to cut my losses and not pursue things with her―there didn't seem to be any sense in romantically chasing someone who didn't really seem interested in anything more than friendship.

 

For various reasons, I decided to cut back on my dating life over the summer and fall, partly due to letting desperation get the better of me (resulting in my getting involved with women I wasn't really attracted to), partly to focus on my professional life, and partly because I came down with a communicable disease and didn't want to infect others. I only recently decided to put myself back out there now that I'd recovered from my illness. As it happened, during that time, the girl from my church started messaging me again―first to wish me a happy birthday, then to ask to hang out with me so we could catch up. I figured it couldn't hurt, so we grabbed some beers last week. I decided to hold back a little this time―the most I did was give her a kiss on the cheek when we said goodbye.

 

I felt it appropriate to leave the ball in her court, but she did text me back the next day saying she had had a good time catching up with me (don't want to read too much into it, but it seemed unlikely that she would've done that because of an intense desire for a platonic friendship with me), so we discussed the possibility of meeting again soon. Nothing was explicitly stated about a "date"―just meeting again.

 

Anyway, last night I wound up at a house party, where I made the acquaintance of another woman―one with whom I shared an almost instant connection. I felt very attracted to her, and I think she felt that way about me as well. I would say there was much more flirting on both of our parts, and we were even talking in terms of "dates." We had a tremendous amount in common, and I found our communication flowed in a way I haven't really felt in a while.

 

So, in short, nothing really physical has happened with either of these women, and I haven't really gotten to explore romantic prospects with either of them in any real way. But based on our interactions, I'm reasonably convinced that if I had my choice of either of them at this moment, I would go with the new woman from the house party, hands down.

 

So I have a little bit of a dilemma. I'm reluctant to pursue anything romantic with the woman from my church. I feel it would be disingenuous of me to initiate a romantic connection that I don't feel has a really good chance, especially given the new reality of the new woman. On the other hand, I know that nothing is certain with either of these women. Nothing has happened with either of them yet. I don't know if my upcoming date with the woman from the party will come to anything, nor can I say for sure that the woman from my church is romantically interested in me. If things don't work out with this new woman, I'd feel really stupid about having written off any possibility with the woman from church, which would be really awkward anyway, because what am I supposed to say to her? "I know we haven't talked about romantic prospects explicitly, but don't get any ideas"?

 

You know, on the one hand, I'm glad that I'm at least able to see this before an actual romantic triangle develops; but on the other hand, it's difficult because I'm not actually involved with either of them yet. I don't have any real grounds to break things off with the church woman (because there's nothing real to break off), but I also feel weird about pursuing things with her. I'm feeling especially weird because I'm the one who was actively going for something, and now I feel like I have to pull back. I have no idea where to take things from here.

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From what you've written, it sounds like the girl from church is not that interested in you romantically. If she is, she has a funny way of showing it, or she has some kind of hangup about dating or putting herself out there. I don't think there is anything wrong in letting that one fade and pursuing the new girl, who seems to have more possibility. You don't really owe her any kind of explanation, especially since you haven't scheduled a "date" or anything. Just do the slow fade. If she calls you and wants to hang out, you could say you're too busy, or you could hang with her but make sure to mention your recent date, that way it's all on the up and up.

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Since you aren't in a relationship w/ either of them at this point, I see no harm in keeping both doors open and seeing how things play out. To me, dating is going on dates w/ someone, seeing how things go between you and it unless both parties agree to be exclusive, I don't think it's wrong to be testing the waters with more than one person. After a few dates, things will probably be clearer and you can decide what to do then.

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Thanks for the feedback. I wound up caught in an actual love triangle a few years ago, so since then I've been wary of dating two women at the same time, but that mainly happened because I wasn't careful and didn't end things with one girl or the other when I should have (plus, I was already physically involved with the first girl when the second came along―to vastly oversimplify the timeline). I'll continue to hang out with the girl from church, but I'll be seriously toning it down.

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