He needs time alone? Men please help. Women opinions too.

[tw89]

Ok so this guy and I talked 7 years ago, and I ended up moving away. We somehow found each other again after 7 years. We talked all day everyday and started hanging out. Every thing seemed fine for the last 4 months, he even said he considered us together even tho we weren't official.

 

A week ago I find out that we never went official for a few reasons. He was in a long relationship, that only ended in March and instead of taking the time to heal. He stated that part of him still loved and missed his long term ex. That he was hurt and confused, during the first week of alone time he missed both me and her. Also came to find out that his rebound ex was crazy, and threatened him, so to keep her quiet and away from me led her on unintentionally. He said he doesn't want a relationship right now, that he doesn't want to drag this along while he fixes himself.

 

He said he loved me, only once, and it was during an argument when we were both angry, so I don't doubt it. His long term ex recently became single again, and when I asked him about him wanting to get back with her he said that he didn't know. He also said that he would rather be alone then to choose between her and I and hurt someone. After all of this I was leaving from his house, and he kissed me 3 separate times and told me 3 separate times everything was going to be ok, along with i still want to talk, i still want to hangout just not everyday, and we can talk on the phone. He seems to have become very distant since then. And the everything is going to be ok, has changed to i don't want you waiting, I think you should let me go. The I still want to talk has turned into I'm trying to ignore my phone. The hanging out has turned into I don't want to see anybody. And the talking on the phone has turned into why are you calling me I hate talking on the phone.

 

He has said numerous times he would be all over a relationship with me if he wasn't an emotional mess right now. As you can tell from the above description I am quite confused as to how to handle all of this. It seems like I am damned if I do damned if I don't. I have tried cutting contact with him, and he sends message after message or calls to see if I am ok. Or will just carry on conversation, but if I do it he threatens to block me. From my past experiences, I am very iffy on trusting people, but friends of mine have said that they think he really cares about me and just wants to make sure hes over everything before moving on with me.

 

Advice/Opinions?

[bakadesuka]

look It will sound harse but facta non verba...actions not words... that was my school motto and something that has stood beside me well in life if he loves you he should proove it. I think the whole crazy ex thing is an excuse all guys/girls use at one point to get out of telling the truth and your just a rebound...sounds like hes ng you over...if he wanted you there would be no question he would bend over backwards for you. I'm sorry....=( this is to hear but it's true and you know deep down it is too...physical connection is not the same as love. plus he said he didnt know when you asked him he was probally sparing your feelings his answer was probally yes just too cowardly to admit it were it no it would be easy to say...the fact hes ign you around now shows hes interests....if it were me I would back off go on holiday for a week or two or go visit family and come back look at the situation fresh slate it will give him the time he needs to sort out and the time you need to become emotionally detached and look at this rationally as opposed to emotionally

[Ms Darcy]

IF it were me, I would have the self-respect to cut any man off who told me he didn't want/wasn't ready for a relationship with me. I don't have time to waste.

[itsallgrand]

I think you should treat this as a break up. And I'm sorry. I know it's disappointing.

 

So yeah. Sometimes people don't want us, but they aren't good about letting us go either. I have one ex like this, and it really played with my head for a long time. If I were to give any advice about it, it would be to eliminate the doubts you are carrying and 'confusion' and hone down on straight facts. Just the facts, ma'am. The facts...

 

*he has broken up with you

*he can't give you what you need/want from a relationship

 

So knowing that, your next choice of actions should come from what works for you. To moving on. To being happy. To enjoying your life without this in your brain anymore.

 

I really think cutting contact would benefit you a lot at this point. Because from what you wrote, having contact with him at all and trying this bologne "we can still be friends" thing is NOT working for you. IT just creates drama and emotional upset for you, and frustration.

 

Time to let him go. You got your second chance of sorts. Trust me; if it was going to work at all, it would be working now. It isn't. It's time to move on.

[tw89]

We talked last night. I was initially calling for a final goodbye, as we have a longish history. During that conversation he told me if I didn't want to talk to him anymore then I would have to block him, because he wouldn't stop texting me. He also said that things will be ok, if I let them be, im just not giving them the chance. I swear its like he's 2 different people, one second he's loving and caring, the next flying off the handle. He messaged me later to say he thinks he has a split personality problem. I come to find out today, he went in to get help for anxiety and depression. And thus this makes me more confused, then before.

[mhowe]

Please stop --- this isn't confusing. He wants to keep both you and his ex on the line.

 

He doesn't have a split personality. He has a lousy personality. He uses people. He is immature and selfish.

 

And how did you come to "find this out"? Because he told you.

 

Block him. Plain and simple.

[Ms Darcy]

He is just saying that to keep playing with both of you.

[Scorpion Fury]

IF it were me, I would have the self-respect to cut any man off who told me he didn't want/wasn't ready for a relationship with me. I don't have time to waste.

 

This. ANY time a man says he wants space, give it to him. Give him all the space in the world.