Do I have the standard bad personality that most men find very unattractive???

[QuestionHeart]

Im wondering if I am still single because I have a very very bad unattractive personality that most men hate?

 

I am not so smiley, can be serious and sad, very shy and quiet and not talkative. I am pretty bright and it might come off a bit smart sometimes...

 

So I feel like guys are like "nooooooooooooooooo" to this type of woman? I feel like they want the giggly , smiley, perky, talkative, happy go lucky girly ?

 

Am I right?

 

I know every guy is different but in general am I right???

[The_Seeker]

Im wondering if I am still single because I have a very very bad unattractive personality that most men hate?

 

I am not so smiley, can be serious and sad, very shy and quiet and not talkative. I am pretty bright and it might come off a bit smart sometimes...

 

So I feel like guys are like "nooooooooooooooooo" to this type of woman? I feel like they want the giggly , smiley, perky, talkative, happy go lucky girly ?

 

Am I right?

 

I know every guy is different but in general am I right???

 

Remember, not all men represent each other. Just like not all women represent each other.

 

If you are not smiley, can be serious and sad, very shy and quiet and not talkative, and if you are bright, then who cares?

 

If you are willing to accept him as himself, he has to do the same thing.

 

Sort like how an ugly guy expects a hot woman, or how a woman expects a man to be wealthy etc [stereotypes that I encounter how this board].

 

I say do what you want. Be who you want. Only as long it doesn't harm another human being emotionally, mentally, and physically.

[Ms Darcy]

You will get different responses, but really you could have the nastiest personality and we wouldn't know it. We're strangers on the internet remember?

 

I think if you want to understand your dating patterns, the best way is through honest self-observation, introspection, and investigation. Ask for input from some trusted friends and family. Read about common pitfalls in dating. Understand your own patterns.

 

No one can spoonfeed the answers to this one for you.

[Batya33]

Nothing to do with gender or specifically with dating. If you want to have and make friends and potentially date, I think it's important to be a good listener, to come accross as sincere (but no need to overshare of course) and to have reasonably open body language. And yes a smile when it's warranted is always a good thing.

[agent1607307371]

If someone wants you to dumb down in order to be with them, they are not someone you want to be with. Trust me on that...

 

 

It could be any reason for you to still be single, plenty of perfectly fine people have trouble meeting someone they click with. Your best bet is to ask people you know and trust in real life if you have any behaviours that might put people off.

[shelty24]

In general I think they want a bit of all that you mentioned.. what are you like once you get to know him?.do you smile more?

 

Im v reserved till you get to know me. Then im fun fun and its never been an issue for me

[blueidealist24]

I can tell you that there are some guys who like to date girls of your personality type, since I know girls who are very serious and quiet and are in relationships. Sure, some like the bubbly type but not all of them.

[Fudgie]

I am more of the serious type. I do make jokes and laugh at things but I am definitely more serious. I've never had an issue finding men to date. I think I am friendly and nice. I make good conversation. You can do all of the above without being bubbly.

[bulletproof]

If you are very shy, quiet, and not talkative, that might be more of an issue, since that hinders you from getting to know people. That's less about your personality than it is about basic logic regarding meeting people.

[NorthDallas40]

I actually prefer soft-spoken women instead of loud and extroverted ones.

 

That said, if they can't hold a conversation, have extreme social anxiety, are constantly depressed, seem apathetic, complain a lot... well then yeah, it's a dealbreaker.

 

But intelligent, well-spoken, positive, motivated women who are nonetheless quiet, a bit shy and have a touch of dark sarcasm to their wit... bring 'em on!

[uniqueme]

Not all guys want the giggly perky type..

[QuestionHeart]

I actually prefer soft-spoken women instead of loud and extroverted ones.

 

That said, if they can't hold a conversation, have extreme social anxiety, are constantly depressed, seem apathetic, complain a lot... well then yeah, it's a dealbreaker.

 

But intelligent, well-spoken, positive, motivated women who are nonetheless quiet, a bit shy and have a touch of dark sarcasm to their wit... bring 'em on!

 

ha i wanna think this is me, maybe this will be who i try to be!!!!!

[ExcitedtoSleep]

ha i wanna think this is me, maybe this will be who i try to be!!!!!

 

If that's who you want to be, you can be it. No one is born with a personality. Assume the attitude you feel would make you the best person.

[QuestionHeart]

If that's who you want to be, you can be it. No one is born with a personality. Assume the attitude you feel would make you the best person.

 

that would be an outgoing extravert, but i just cant do that, too hard for me

[IAmFCA]

Not all men are the same, as these responses suggest. Beam with the joy it is to live in your skin. Whether you beam seriously, quietly, or swinging from the chandelier is up to you. "Beam" comes out in subtle ways - the carriage of your shoulders, the expression in your eyes. It doesn't have to be an extrovert's way of working a room.

 

Some men will like it, some won't. It is like that for all of us.

[Sportster2005]

Im wondering if I am still single because I have a very very bad unattractive personality that most men hate?

 

I am not so smiley, can be serious and sad, very shy and quiet and not talkative. I am pretty bright and it might come off a bit smart sometimes...

 

So I feel like guys are like "nooooooooooooooooo" to this type of woman? I feel like they want the giggly , smiley, perky, talkative, happy go lucky girly ?

 

Am I right?

 

I know every guy is different but in general am I right???

 

No your'e not right. Different strokes for different folks. There is no one 'bad' personality or 'good' personality. Just different.

[Scorpion Fury]

Some guys like bright and bubbly girls, others don't. I'm a lot like you in the sense that I don't talk as much as most other women and don't smile every 5 seconds. I'm not charming and am socially awkward sometimes, but I am sarcastic and do joke around a lot though and people still seem to like me. I have had men and women tell me that I can be intimidating, but what they like about me is that I am honest and "real" and direct and not fake, and that can be a good thing. I have learned when I am interested in a guy that seems to be interested in me to try to smile a little more and not be so abrupt and untalkative, because it can make a guy think you're not into him and he will back off. You don't need to be all, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! I can't stop smiling!", just try to be more approachable. Make eye contact and smile once in a while.

[Thorshammer]

Im wondering if I am still single because I have a very very bad unattractive personality that most men hate?

 

I am not so smiley, can be serious and sad, very shy and quiet and not talkative. I am pretty bright and it might come off a bit smart sometimes...

 

So I feel like guys are like "nooooooooooooooooo" to this type of woman? I feel like they want the giggly , smiley, perky, talkative, happy go lucky girly ?

 

Am I right?

 

I know every guy is different but in general am I right???

 

You sound a lot like me, in fact i was questioning the same thing. I started reading some new material that pointed these things out, and it made me wonder what impression i leave on women. The last girl couldnt stand how i rarely smiled and looked serious all the time, and i was quick to start debates that probably upset them. So i would say yes, as someone who has been told by many people that my behavior can turn people off - or more like scare them off.

 

I remember i went on a date with a girl who had a serious face and she didnt smile. Throughout the whole date i thought she wasnt really liking me, so at the end of the date i told her, "well, nice meeting you and good luck" - she started yelling at me and was furious. Her outburst was so sudden i couldnt even think of a way to repair what i said.

[IAmFCA]

One has to acknowledge that we communicate with the way we look, move, talk, touch and the content of what we say or don't say. Using myself as an example, I am learning to tell a date whether I want to see him or not. I am so accustomed to being courted that I have gotten away with not being responsible for what I want. Higher integrity = better communication, so I am working on it. Thor (sexy guns in your new pic btw, oh, did I say that out loud? hah), the woman you went out with communicated total disinterest. Maybe she was mirroring your apparent disinterest? Or maybe she was just totally unresponsive by nature. If two people play poker all night, its a long game before someone folds!

 

In your case OP, you will communicate disinterest if your manner doesn't respond at all to the other person. You may show responsiveness in any number of ways, and it is important to do so, but you need not change your core nature.

 

One of my dear, late, loved ones was a growly, gruff, authoritative man. He was widely loved because he communicated what he liked and what he didn't. His integrity and clarity was respected throughout our industry. Cheerfulness is not the point. Do communicate in some way, though.

[justagirl2]

I think it depends.

 

You said:

 

I am not so smiley, can be serious and sad, very shy and quiet and not talkative. I am pretty bright and it might come off a bit smart sometimes...

 

If that's just that, I don't see a problem.

 

But, if you come off as arrogant, instead of smart, that could be a problem. Also, are you so shy and quiet that people end up thinking you are rude? What about being sad, does that mean you are negative and complain a lot?

 

I have a friend from grad school who is attractive, a loyal friend and very smart. BUT, she is so quiet/shy that she rubs people the wrong way. They think she's not friendly and sometimes even rude. Also, she comes of as very arrogant and thinking she's always right. She is also so negative/unhappy about life.

 

I mean, I understand why guys end up finding her unattractive. She's trying to improve those qualities, but it's hard for her. She ends up having too much of a "heavy" personality, you know?

[allcity]

If you are very shy, quiet, and not talkative, that might be more of an issue, since that hinders you from getting to know people. That's less about your personality than it is about basic logic regarding meeting people.

 

I agree! Being serious and looking sad etc aren't ideal traits for reeling people in but they're not really deal breakers either.

 

Being quiet, shy and maybe even aloof, though, can cause more problems. Again they're not deal breakers, but they WILL make things harder.

 

There's a woman in my office that I like and she's super shy and it's taken me absolutely AGES to get anywhere with her. I mean, like months!

 

I know she likes me but for the first few months she'd go red and look away every time I tried to catch her eye.

 

Then for the next few months she'd start holding eye contact briefly but would only smile shyly and quickly look away whenever I said hello to her.

 

It's only now that she finally actually says hi back to me. And yet still she's very hard to get through to.

 

Being a bit smilier and more outgoing isn't really that difficult, even for shy people, and it will certainly make things a bit easier for anyone that likes you.

 

It doesn't mean you have to do the impossible and turn into an extrovert overnight. Just that you can maybe try and make a little more effort to be a bit more open, personality-wise.

 

I know it's hard when you're naturally shy, though, so just start with baby steps.

[mfan]

I am not so smiley, can be serious and sad, very shy and quiet and not talkative. I am pretty bright and it might come off a bit smart sometimes...

Hey QH, obviously we don't know you, but here are some things you might want to think about if you're worried:

1. Sad can be attractive, but grumpy/angry is unattractive. When you're quiet and untalkative, do you look sad or do you look angry? I think sad wouldn't be a problem for most men, but angry would be.

 

2. Intelligent is okay but pedantic is not. When you say you're "bright" - do you mean eager to talk about new things and learn new things in a fun, good way? Or do you mean you often correct other people's explanations, explain to people lots of things that you know but that they aren't interested in, etc. I think the former is very attractive; the latter is unattractive.

 

But only you know yourself well enough to make the distinction. But def don't worry if you're not the giggly, perky, girly type - not every man wants that and it's not worth trying to be like that if it's not natural for you. All the best.