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Advice by the decades


savignon

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Looking back, what advice would you give to a younger you? Maybe others will benefit from what we WISH we'd known at the time

 

Teen version of myself All of the things you're stressing about seem very important now, but everything is going to turn out better than you imagine. The drama with friends and boys will long be forgotten in just a few years so try not engage in it. Focus on your education because THAT is the most important thing from this time that you'll need in your future. Also be kind to everyone...you won't know what other people were going through at the time until way later and having regrets about how you treat people turns out to be an awful feeling for you. Even the friends you feel closest to will be mere Facebook acquaintances by the time you have your life settled and career started (PS you LOVE your career and you're good at it!) And, yes, I know you've never heard of Facebook but its kinda cool and a little dumb and you're gonna love it.

20s version of myself Stop being angry at your mom. Its consuming you, making you ugly, and you'll find in time that she is a mere mortal who did her best. Not 'good enough' by your standards but when you have your own kids (and you will -even though you don't think so right now), you will have serious regrets about how awful and hateful you felt towards her when you see how hard it is. Yes, she made grave mistakes...when you release your anger about that you will be free, happier and even better looking (for real!!) You will become overwhelmed with compassion. Its impossible for you to feel that compassion NOW but it IS possible for you to grow up and start taking responsibility for how your life is turning out instead of imagining how it might have been different under other circumstances. You have not been cheated. This is your journey. You only have one chance to enjoy it and enjoying it is a CHOICE. Choose to enjoy it. Start keeping a gratitude journal...your life is full of great things and you don't even see them. Once you start seeing them you will reach a whole new level of consciousness that is quite lovely and you will be happier than ever.

Early 30s version of myself Your self esteem and personal values will be put to the test. You will meet a man who is alllll wrong for you. You will know that but you will want to move quickly towards marriage. Do it. All of the pain that comes with this part of your journey also gives you the greatest gift and joy of your life. In addition, you will learn some valuable lessons and it will create a more compassionate and tolerant you. It will be painful and chaotic and also the most incredibly joyful part of your life so far. That doesn't make much sense now, but it will. It will all be okay.

My "now" version of myself (from my future self) Right now you're a mix of the happiest you've ever been and dubious that you will find that special someone to share your life with. Do not fear....everything has turned out better than you'd ever imagined so far ...keep the faith. Remember your favorite quote: "It'll all be okay in the end. If its not okay, its not the end".

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Edited to add: when dating, a person's "true colors" surface at around 3 months. They're not tricking you or manipulating you prior to that...it's human nature to put your best foot forward. Do not become overly emotionally or sexually invested until you've seen who they really are and then evaluate them on who they really are...not "the beginning". The beginning is supposed to be awesome. That's not reality. Make your decisions based on reality.

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Teen version of myself:

Please stop being a rebel without a clue.

 

20s version of myself:

 

You don't know as much as you think you do.

 

30s version of myself:

 

You need to be more understanding.

 

40s version of myself:

Thank God you're smart enough to do some fine tuning.

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This is amazing! Good idea! I wish I had this when I was younger. I don't know if I did this thing right.

 

Teen version of myself: Grades don't define who you will become, where you going to be, and what you are going to be. Never let someone's comments stop you from what you want to do for the good of the world.

 

 

Early 20s version of myself (This is where I'm at): Don't worry about someone loving you or putting so much effort into dating or relationship. It's okay to stop dating or being in a relationship for a while or else you will continue to build negative relations with men who try to pursue you with the RIGHT intentions. Friendship is the way to go. Figure out your financial situation out first, and go chase your dream. Love won't guarantee you will be happy or that person will always be there for you faithfully.

 

Early 30s version of myself (My future Self) : Are you financially secured and stable? If not, keep working on it. Did you achieve your dream helping others? If not, start it now. Do what you always wanted to do. Keep up with your fitness. Don't let age stop you from achieving the fitness that you want. Don't listen to people who say that when you hit 30, you can't have kids, you will never find someone who wants to marry you because you're old, your clock is ticking etc. Your living your life for you. You make what you want out of it. If they can't accept that, show them the exit.

 

My "now" version of myself (from my future self): Be proud that you are speaking your mind regardless if it is harsh. Sooner or later they are going to know the truth who you are. You don't need to polite/sugarcoat/whatever society tells you. Stop living your life in silence and live it out loud. Once you do, don't apologize for it because no one force you to. Accept your actions and consequences. Don't wait on anyone if they are not on the same page or have the same values. Close the book and leave it. Find a different book that is. Time is precious. So treat it with respect. When you do find love, don't see the person who is happy only. See them angry, sad, lost, etc. That way you will know they open their most vulnerable side.

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To my teen self: Hey, you know the person you are now at the age of 13, all the hopes and dreams and desires you have. And how you think rushing into marriage and getting pregnant before you're even old enough to drink is a terrible idea and the guys out here are all people you don't even like, so why would you date them? How you want to change the world and help other people and ride horses until you can't move every day and never have to sit trapped inside a room while others drone on in the hell you call school/will call an office? Hold on to that kid, because you're right. At this moment in time you are as perfect and true to who you/and I are or ever will be.

 

Also stop worrying about being nice. I know what Grandmom and Mom say, but they come from another era when women really didn't have lives without men. You don't have to make that mistake, so yeah go ahead and kick Jimmy's butt when he hits your sister and is mean to the little kids on the bus, take the kid down and show him the little blonde girl can kick some tail. I fully give you permission, besides you can shoot a bow and arrow so well our brother has taken to hiding it 'cause he's embarrassed he's being outdone by you. Ditto the guys who all grumble when you're barrel racing, it is too a sport and you and your horse know you are major good at it. I know Dad freaks out about that, but you have to convince him you won't always be his little girl either, so stand up to him already too. I'm proud of you kid, please don't let the hormones and pressure from your friends change that. Please don't.

 

20s: You know he's abusive, you know one day soon he'll raise his hands to you. You know he's not only cheating on you, but something is up with the people who keep knocking on the door yelling out, "I want my stuff (bleep, bleeper) you better have it or I'll burn your house down." Just leave already, don't wait until he does it. He's not worth it, no man is. Ever. Also when Tim with the green eyes asks you out say no, he gets drunk then blacks out and loses his car remember? You don't need that either, no matter how many compliments he pays you.

 

30s: Work isn't the be-all/end-all. You are doing way too much, not getting paid for it and the stress is starting to eat at you. Also you do look cute as all heck in those blue jeans. Work it, you're in your prime. Stop hating it when you walk down the street and get attention.

 

40s: Stop killing yourself with work. You aren't a doctor, being on call 24/7 to save other people's lives is not what you're supposed to be doing. I don't care how indisposable they tell you you are, one day you won't be here and guess what? The world will still turn and they'll get the work done anyways. Also that new guy they just put in your department is going to be a very, very, very bad mistake. I see you eyeing each other every time you go to the breakroom, stop it. He is going to screw your head over big time.

 

50s: First 5 years, Are you ever going to give Ex the heave-ho? Why do you let him come back? What hold does he have over you that...oh right, yeah that. But Mom always said it's what they're like outside the bedroom that counts. You know that remember, he's going to just keep stompingthe crap out of you if you let him.

Last 3: Hooray he's out of our lives! And you finally had enough and told everyone to go jump in the lake and reverted back to your 13-year-old self. Yes, buy that ranch, yes buy that horse, yes let your boys grow up in a place that has a sky and space and animals in it. And say yes to that cute artist guy in your sumi-e class, there's something seriously special about that man.

 

You finally figured it out, congratulations!

 

Now we can relax and enjoy life.

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