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If I am feeling like I'm being cheated on. Am I?


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My husband and I have been together 5 years and married 4 years. Up until the past few weeks it has been very good. But the last couple of weeks. I have been having a gut feeling he is cheating. I was cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in. I was insure when we got together, but lately I have been having the feelings a lot. I have even wanted him to touch me. He get texts from another girl and says its an old friend and when I ask about it. He gets mad. So, I'm asking what do I do?????

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I would think that you should sit down with him and have an adult conversation. Don't accuse him of cheating, just calmly explain how YOU are feeling. Listen to what he has to say and then judge for yourself

 

It's okay to have doubts/concerns, it's how you react upon them that makes or breaks things.

 

Good luck

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Does his job entail him being on call and leaving to go out when texted to is normal for what he does for a living? If it's not, well, then I think your gut is trying to tell you something.. and it's not just because you are still untrusting due to the unfortunate happenings in your other relationships.

 

If he is cheating, then It would be a good thing if you sought out some councelling to try and figure out why you find non-monogamous men so appealing.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, Op.

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Oh, that really isn't good. Look rather than torture yourself or do the whole snooping thing yourself why not hire a good old-fashioned PI to just find out? I know I might get shouted down, but when you're married and especially if you have a substantial chunk of change in investments and properties or kids that not only gets you the truth, it helps you in court.

 

Yes, I know I'll probably get scolded on that one, but you know something is going on. Texts and calls from women that he won't let you see and unless he's a doctor and he got called in to work since before you were married, then yes it's not normal. Skip the whole trying to snoop, worrying, hoping it'll go away. Just hire a professional, get the proof, and if it's a yes go see a divorce attorney. It really is that simple. Anything else just gets you cheated on more and more. And yeah, at this point you're suspicions are very likely right on, but he's not going to be honest about it. If he was he'd show you the texts and be reassuring you, not getting mad which is a guilty person's go-to reaction to questioning over what even a toddler would understand is weird potentially sketchy behavior.

 

And as another poster said you need to find out why you keep ending up with cheaters. It sounds like you either have a type or you ignore certain red flags that crop up as an indication that someone is that type. Not all men or even most men are cheaters, so that's a pretty narrow band you've been with and it usually means you didn't pass on the guy when other women did.

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He gets calls in the middle of the night saying he has to go to work and then wont show me his phone.

 

What does your husband do for a living? Does his line of work necessitate him going in?

 

Do you have a second car? When he leaves, drive yourself to his place of work to see if his car is in the lot.

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Being defensive, hiding things, not being willing to have an adult conversation with you is enough reason to end the marriage (in my opinion). You can tirture yourself for the next 6 months/year/years by going through his phone, arguing, hiring a PI, etc but it's exhausting and a waste of time. Unless the evidence will help in court.

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Being defensive, hiding things, not being willing to have an adult conversation with you is enough reason to end the marriage (in my opinion). You can tirture yourself for the next 6 months/year/years by going through his phone, arguing, hiring a PI, etc but it's exhausting and a waste of time. Unless the evidence will help in court.

 

While I agree, I doubt she would leave without more evidence or a confession from him.

 

Why did you guys rush into marriage?

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He works rebuilding equipment for the oilfield. I have found evidence he has been talking to another woman and he told me not to worry that they were just old friends that

grew up together. But he told her our marriage was ( BAD ). Then he told me that she isn't even interested in men right now that her husband just past away. REALLY!

So, If she was interested then it would be different? I don't know what to think anymore. We have been together for 5 years and married 4 years. Yes we have had our ups and downs, but what married couple doesn't. But I would never say our marriage was ( BAD ) or go to someone else that he doesn't know and tell them our marriage was bad.

I love my husband, but I don't know if I should trust him anymore.

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Hes having an emotional affair and yes you should be worried and no you cant trust him anymore. Im sorry your in this situation. I know its hard but right now you need to forget your heart, love, feelings. Use your head. What advice would you give to someone else in your shoes?

 

If it were me i would tell him he has crossed a line and needs to leave. Show him you will not tolerate him being this close to ANY woman! You will certainly not tolerate him confiding in her about your marriage. If he swears he has not done anything wrong then tell him to research emotional affairs, tell him to go to a counsellor for a few sessions and to cut all contact with this woman. Then maybe you will consider talking to him in a month or two when he is willing to do what it takes to regain your trust

 

Do it now. He will either fight for your marriage and prove to you that he understands this behaviour is unaceptable or he will run straight to her.

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He works rebuilding equipment for the oilfield.
Does his pay cheque back this up? Can you check the stub to see how many hours he's actually worked for the weeks he has been "called out?" Oil field workers are often called in from what I know of my friends brother in Alberta.

 

I have found evidence he has been talking to another woman and he told me not to worry that they were just old friends that

grew up together. But he told her our marriage was ( BAD ).

so far the only indication you have that isn't just speculation, conjecture and panic is the fact telling another woman that your marriage is 'bad' is disrespectful to your union. I would want to talk about that statement and get out the reasons why he thinks your marriage is bad and what it is that the TWO of you can do to get it back on track. Its important to communicate about that statement and resolve any issues.

 

Then he told me that she isn't even interested in men right now that her husband just past away. REALLY!

So, If she was interested then it would be different?

I think he was just trying to reassure you here that it wasn't the way it looked to you.. that the fact that she's not interested in men right now means that that would include your husband as well and you shouldn't worry about her.

 

I don't know what to think anymore. We have been together for 5 years and married 4 years. Yes we have had our ups and downs, but what married couple doesn't. But I would never say our marriage was ( BAD ) or go to someone else that he doesn't know and tell them our marriage was bad.
This is what you should be telling him.

 

I love my husband, but I don't know if I should trust him anymore.
This is also what you should be telling him and asking him to show you in actions that you can trust him by stopping the behind your back communication with this woman. To stop initiating convos and to show you that you can trust that he is going to work when he says he is.

 

If he's not cheating then there is some things that you have to get out in the open, talked about and resolved or you union will end even if he's not emotionally/physically/spiritually cheating.

 

Talk to him about your concerns regarding his opinion that your marriage is "bad." You'll be able to tell by his response, his facial expressions etc if what he explains to you is the truth.. surely after 5 years you will.

 

I say don't get on a run-away-train that he's definitely cheating. No one knows that for sure but him, her and ... your Private Eye if you choose to hire one. lol.

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You said, "I was cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in. I was insure when we got together,"

- Do you mean insecure? If so, that’s the answer to why you end up with these types of "men."

 

Damage control:

- Understand cheating. Secretly get James Dobson’s “Love must be Tough”

- Start over with or without him

- Remember the two following stories.

 

1. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck; what is it? A duck!

 

2. A person was on the top of a hill when a poisonous snake asked him/her to carry him to the bottom of the hill.

Snake - Please help me. I can’t make it to the bottom of this hill without help.

Person - No you’ll bite men and I will die.

Snake - Without your help I will surely die.

Person - No you’ll bite me and then I would die.

Snake - You can trust me I’m not like that.

Person - No, I won’t, you’ll bite me.

Snake - I promise I won’t. Please help me!

This continues for a while.

Finally the person agrees and carries the snake to the bottom of the hill where he bites the person.

Person - Dying the person exclaims… you bit me!

Snake - Of course I did.

Person - Why?

I’m a snake.

 

 

The duck and the snake never change!

They need/rely on nice people like you to do that for them.

 

Stop doing it.

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  • 1 month later...

ummm has anyone remembered anything from being single??? When a woman has a guys friend. That guy friend may be your best friend or a good friend. But most of the time they are your good friend not only because they enjoy your company. But also because they're hoping you will look their way and it become more. So yes they are friends but they have other intentions. I'm sure all guys know what I'm talking about because numerous guys have told me this and because I've experienced it myself. And I'm not just talking sex, sometimes they hold out until you have a relationship with them. They are NOT just friends. Not to him at least. If he is talking and confiding in her with your marriage issues especially saying that it's bad when you know it hasn't then he is trying to give her reasons why if she ever decided to have an affair that he would be fine to do it because your marriage is bad. That's if they haven't already hooked up. I'm sure they have by now. Obvious. Leaving in the middle of the night getting defensive AND HIDING THE PHONE. If he never did this before and is out of no where suddenly acting this way then yes he is cheating! TRUST YOUR GUT AND AVOID GETTING SCREWED.

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