Stuck in a situation where it feels like I have no control of my life.

[TheOutsider1]

Recently things ended with a guy who I was dating for a few months. I don't often get close to people or catch strong feelings right away so this caught me by surprise. However it seems that every time I do fall for someone, things never work out and I'm left broken, extremely depressed and it takes me a very long time to recover. I told myself that this would be the last time I'd allow myself to feel again, if this one didn't work out. The amount of pain is just not worth it, it takes the life out of me and I can't possibly go through with this another time. I've had my share of friends with benefits before and that worked out alright because I was aware that there were no strings attached but even that doesn't interest me anymore. I was ready for something serious once again.

 

The thing is that I feel very alone. I don't have any friends. I have people who I use to party with but those people took a lot out of me too because they were very negative or did things to put me down, so I strayed away. I have thought about hanging out with them again, out of loneliness but that's not right, I'd be jumping from one misery on to another. In college, I've never had any friends because people there don't seem to socialize, it's all about school and I get that. We only talk if it's school related or have questions about school stuff. I haven't had a job in over a year because no one wanted to work with my school schedule. I couldn't even find a part time job, not even temporary or while being on vacation.

 

After high school, which was years ago, most of my friendships and relationships were with people that I met online. I can't seem to meet people anywhere else and this is probably why my friendships and dating go bad. It's not like I have a choice, I'm not able to go out anywhere to meet people, it's just not as easy as it was in high school. So all I have is meeting people from online. I don't know what to do, I feel so alone and broke, two very horrible combinations, I feel stuck.

[lostgirl123]

i'm sorry to hear what you're going through right now. *hugs* but in order to be in love you have to risk getting hurt, that's just how it is. maybe you should take a break from dating till you feel ready to have another relationship.

 

as for friends, two of my really good friends i've known them from high school and have been fortunate to still have them in my life. a lot of the new friends that i meet are either from friends of friends or from work. don't go back to your old circle of friends because you should surround yourself with good people. i'm sure you have family or relatives (cousins) you can turn to for now. you've mentioned you are going to school right now, so maybe you can make friends with your classmates? everything will eventually fall into place if you're heading down the correct path, trust the process

[catfeeder]

I'd consider researching volunteer groups in my area to find something that matters to me that I can offer some help with. This would put me in regular company of people who care about one of the same things I care about.

 

Or, if an animal lover, I'd consider walking dogs or playing with cats at an animal shelter. That would definitely connect me with like-minded people.

 

I've found that I'm not most miserable when I'm not getting enough--it's when I'm not giving enough to keep me focused ~beyond~ myself.

 

Think of your breakups as reducing the number of bad matches you'll need to meet before finding the right guy. Don't invest so much in anyone you're not completely thrilled with just because he's available. Allow wrong matches to pass early instead of trying to force a fit.

 

If you're building a puzzle and force a fit between pieces you only 'wish' went together, you harm the whole outcome of your puzzle.

 

Love is a puzzle.

 

Resiliency is a decision. You can do this.