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Dumper goes berserk after NC... Now begging to tell me goodbye(again?)


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So my ex dumped 3 or 4 weeks ago... I'm starting to lose track. After months of a strained relationship where I felt like he wasn't willing to compromise, it came to a breaking point and he kicked me out of our home at 2am in a fit of momentary rage. Leading up to that though, we hardly had time to see each other other than at home and maybe Saturdays. I was getting a lot of him telling me he'd be home in 20 minutes but then not hearing from him for three or four hours. When I would bring it up he would say he got caught up talking to his buddies and lost track of the time. He insisted he was living in the moment and couldn't be telling me exactly when he was getting home, although I usually wasn't the one asking him, he would just tell me. Then on Saturdays it seemed like he would relax with me for a little bit and then just get too angsty and head out to his office by 2pm although he didn't have to... I missed my boyfriend. It felt like I never saw him much even though we lived together and it seemed like I was the only one who cared. With all this working he still had time to go out drinking with his buddies at least 2x a week.

fast forward to the breakup, I was all over him for the first two weeks and he was into it. I asked him if we would ever have a chance in the future, he said maybe, that i was his soulmate but he couldn't give me what i wanted right now. He would say he loved me and wanted only me but never anything about getting back together. We hung out a few times and I even rushed him to the hospital for stitches. I slept with him once. We went to a concert together but I felt sick at one point and had to get out if line to sit for a second and he blew up over this... Even though once I felt better the line was completely gone, we walked right in only to wait an hour for the opening act. LOL He complained about everything down to the people recording on their cellphones. It did kind if put a damper on whole night though and reminded me of his inability to keep his emotions in check to a reasonable degree, and just taking my company for granted in the first place... I decided to go NC after that night. He went hysterical at first begging me to talk, calling me 10 times, saying I was his best friend and that he needed my support. I told him I had also been his GF not too long ago and if he didn't want me in hi life as his girlfriend why was he acting like we were in a relationship? Maybe he only wanted the good stuff but no complaining?

 

Anyway, he's been sparsely texting asking to talk ( i know he was just going to babble in about how much he loves me but cant do this) and things like, I love you, I miss you (alot), good luck on your finals... I ignored it all. Today though he texted me saying he knows I have moved on but he just wants to say goodbye. To please just have one conversation with him. I almost feel bad because I'm not the kind of person to ignore someone in pain, but I'm afraid of taking a HUGE step backward too and I've been feeling good lately (that and it was easy enough for him to kick me out after 2 years, even had the nerve to tell me to give him my key and ask him for permission when I wanted to get my stuff!) And whats the point of saying goodbye? Doesn't breaking up with someone practically scream goodbye? Am I being too harsh?

Should I respond?

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Reread your post here and ask yourself why you think he deserves any more time. What I see is a guy who loved it when he was the dumper and you were chasing hin, and then you stopped and he freaked. And ever since then he's been trying to regain that control. You don't owe him anything, but him on the other hand...yeah, he owes you a lot, but at least to leave you alone.

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I wanted to get my stuff!) And whats the point of saying goodbye? Doesn't breaking up with someone practically scream goodbye? Am I being too harsh?

Should I respond?

 

I'm getting the sense that you're not at the point of closing the door for good. If you choose to respond, that would mean you're wiling to take the bait, and turn the other cheek, as well.

 

The writing is on the wall, as to how much he respects you. You can't change him, you can't fix him, but you can take the high road and realize that in this case, what you see is what you get.

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No. don't respond. He kicked you out of your home in the dead of the night. Why you would even entertain anything further with him is a marvel for the ages.

 

Don't allow him to spike the ball on your head. Go NC and stay NC. He doesn't want what you want and he isn't who you need for him to be. He's a guy whose toy had been taken away from him.

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Wow, what a jerk! I agree with the above. Also, it sounds to me like he had someone else on the horizon while you were still together and that's why he was suddenly working so much.... just imo.

 

In any case, I wouldn't meet up with him -- or have ANY contact with him at all -- unless and until he says something like, "I made a huge mistake and want to get back together." That's really the only kind of communication you need to worry about responding to.

 

Cut him off. Block him on your phone and on all social media sites. He's just trying to make himself feel less guilty by reaching out. My ex was also a compulsive "Good Guy" and continued to apologize over and over after the breakup, it was pretty transparent that all his communications were just to make himself feel better, with no regard for how they affected me.

 

Here's a guide that will help you go No Contact: link removed

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Thanks for the replies everyone! I had that moment of self doubt where yes I am afraid to completely close the door, I loved him a lot and he meant so much to me for a long time, but I know deep down I won't get anything out of "just one conversation" with him. I am enjoying my life now, starting to get used to not seeing him and NC has made it a hell of a lot easier. I will continue what I am doing. Thanks for giving me the strength to do so when I was feeling weak.

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He kicked you out of your home at 2AM and demonstrated the last you saw of him that he was never invested in your happiness in the first place.

 

Why bother?

 

Pain and grief are natural parts of breakups--why only prolong his with yet another exit convo?

 

Remember his behavior during your 2AM kick to the curb, and give him the gift of silence. For good.

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He wants to regain his power position so he can abuse it (again). Do not engage. The pattern is clear on his end and you've been smart enough to recognize that. Entertaining someone who kicked you out into the streets at 2am is beneath you and you know that.

Stay strong and have a happy holiday...the new year is full of promise!!

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