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So I've been in an on and off relationship for the last 5 yrs with many ups and downs, 2 major break ups, tons of arguments inbetween involving week(s) of a cold war. This time sure I was sad at first but that was the first day, after that first day I stopped feeling. Tbh, I felt fine after that, even my "down" days aren't as bad as they were if this was a couple of years ago. I have no problem with NC, in fact over the years I've become pretty good at it because I KNOW eventually the sorrow goes away and you do move on. But my down days involve this thought: the longer the NC the less likely they'll be back, what if they never come back? and this is what makes me a bit sad. I tell myself that it didn't work out bc I gave more in the relationship, was too available. I noticed when I wasn't as available he was at my beck and call but after awhile I just revert back to my old self and want to shower him with affection.

 

If you read this far and wondering what I'm getting at... nothing. I just wanted to rant and type this down somewhere. And for those who are wondering if NC works, yea totally they do come back, you do heal and move on and there they are haha. But the hard part is staying together. Every time I think he's changed, time tells me NOPE. At this point it can go either way and I think I would be fine, the pain I felt constantly during the last 5 years, disappointments and loneliness was caused by him anyways so really if he went away then there would be no one to inflict those pains on me.

 

Do I think we'll talk again? Sure I do bc that's how it happened in the past and my gut tells me yes.

 

These days I just feel like I'm going through the motions, I don't feel happy or sad just do what I need to do during the day and sleep at night. Waking up is the hardest part because that's when reality first hits that it's over.

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These days I just feel like I'm going through the motions, I don't feel happy or sad just do what I need to do during the day and sleep at night. Waking up is the hardest part because that's when reality first hits that it's over.

 

When you get this phase you are very, very close to shutting them down for good. It's where I was just before the final straw when I ended things with my on-again/off-again ex. By that point I'd been through the ups and downs so many times and I was just indifferent to it all. Tired of it actually, which is what it sounds like with you.

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When you get this phase you are very, very close to shutting them down for good. It's where I was just before the final straw when I ended things with my on-again/off-again ex. By that point I'd been through the ups and downs so many times and I was just indifferent to it all. Tired of it actually, which is what it sounds like with you.

 

Yes, indifferent, that's the word. After a couple of times I'm used to it, I guess what really got me this time was the realization that he can say whatever he wants during an argument/fight. This last time he said he was "tired" of me, tired of the drama... trust me when I say the fight was over something so minor that he made out to be something so earth shattering that I've had enough. Tired of walking on eggshells, you're not the only one tired buddy.

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I've been in an on and off relationship for the last 5 yrs with many ups and downs, 2 major break ups, tons of arguments in between involving week(s) of a cold war.

 

Instead of wondering if he'll ever come back, why not use this time to decide whether you'd really ~want~ him back?

 

This doesn't sound like a great relationship or a reasonable way to live. Why not just liberate yourself until your enjoyment of life comes back and you're able to consider finding someone someday who makes you feel wonderful?

 

You've already gone through the hard part a number of times. Why not keep your freedom from this mess--and move FORward?

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^^^^^Agree!!! I was in a marriage for nearly seventeen years and everytime we agreed to split up (and I felt enormous relief) I would just end up staying (for the kids) And what did it get me - a messy old ending, and misery and regret for all those wasted years just cos I was too afraid to live for myself.

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Your situation sounds a little similar to mine except I was with my ex for 10 months. She broke up with me 5 times and took me back 4. It's funny, because she said she took me back hoping that I would change when in fact I came back to her because I loved her and I was hoping she would change (her commitment to me and staying in a relationship when times get tough). I also realized recently that my low self-esteem kept me coming back but that's another story in which I posted about it. On a side note, she keeps proclaiming how committed she was to me and that I couldn't handle it. lol.

 

At any rate, last week I crossed a threshold where I am not sad every day and she's not on my mind every waking moment, but I too, feel like I am just going through the motions every day. Luckily, waking up has gotten better but she is one of the first things I think about.

 

I'm on the fence on whether or not my ex is going to come back into my life. Post BU was pretty messy, especially on my part, but I do know that in the short span of our relationship, we both were very much in love with each other. , the apartment I am in was supposed to be ours, her name is on the lease too, and this, too, is another story that I've mentioned in my previous threads. Part of me wants her to come back into my life but part of me doesn't. She has never admitted to making any mistakes and blamed me for everything, however, she loves attention so I don't know.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say we're kind of at the same stage in our healing.

 

 

 

I hope you're right. I'll be coming up on 3 months since the BU and up until last week, I was in misery.

 

I have to say, for me, there's something kind of sad about completely letting go and shutting down my ex for good. I can't put my finger on it, but I get a little sad when I think about it. Maybe because at this moment, I am not totally over things.

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