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I don't miss him all too much when we aren't together


kuteknish

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Been dating a wonderful man about 3 months. We have great chemistry, lots in common, and I'm definitely attracted to him. We have a lot of fun together.

Thing is, I don't miss him when we aren't together, in fact I like seeing him only once or twice a week, whereas if he had it his way, he'd see me every night....

 

In past relationships, I've always tended to be overly excited to see my partner, felt like I needed to see Them to feel happy or satisfied and always thought about them when I wAsnt with them... In past relationships, I could have been the one that liked my partner way more than they liked me... With this one, he definitely is into me more, so this is very new to me.

 

I've been In therapy for a while now and really realize that a man in my life with not complete me, but he will be a compliment to my life, already in session... A bonus, not my everything. I think healthier and have felt so much more confident, and that if a relationship fails, it's not going to be the end of my world, and it's so important to keep my life and not fall into getting used to having someone in it too much.

 

With this, I am not sure if this is healthy not thinking about him all the time and not missing him, or the kiss of death.. It means I'm not excited really about him overall...

 

Thoughts?

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Yes it is healthy. I think you are going through some very positive changes, but they feel weird and different. You are used to feeling insecure and constantly obsessing about the guy, making him the center of your universe and turning him into your identity. Now, you are not doing that. You are being your own person. You feel calm, instead of anxious. You are not obsessing and constantly thinking about him because you have your own life and things to think about and do besides focusing on him all the time. This is all very good and normal, even though it feels very strange and alien to you. It will take some getting used, but this is good.

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It's actually giving me anxiety that I am so calm about everything and not questioning his intentions with me, or if he is interested or not... I am having a hard time with this!

 

It's funny how old habits die hard isn't it? You are so used to drama, you are trying to create it. It's like kicking an addiction and just like any addiction, it's not easy to get rid of. Relax, what you are experiencing is normal, just resist the drama craving, it will go away and a normal, drama free relationship will start to feel comfortable. Just stick to what you are doing with your life and the changes you are making.

 

Basically, you have it hard wired in your head that relationship equals anxiety and drama and obsessing. It's not easy to change that wiring, but can be done. Once you rewire that, you'll be happy and never want to look back. It will actually be hard to understand why you were ever that way.

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I don't usually create 'drama' so to speak... I am just used to wanting to spend all my free time with my significant other or wanting to hear from them...

With him, I hear from him often, and we always have future plans set, and there's no question really about his intentions.

 

Today for example- I'm a bit under the weather. In the past, I'd want my significant other to come over and spend time wih me and rest with me... I would rather relax by myself now and until I get better, then maybe hang out Xmas or later this week.

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