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Opinion about a note left on my desk at work


BellaDonna

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The other day while I was in a meeting a colleague that works in another building randomly came to my office and left a note on my desk containing the following:

 

"Where ARE you??? I was going for a walk and wanted to ask you to join me."

 

Love (heart symbol)

 

Initials of name"

 

This is not a coworker that I know very well at all. I was rather surprised, as it seems to have come out of nowhere and without a context. The environment I work it also doesn't lend itself to a casual note like that. It is also freezing outside and not good walking weather.

 

My husband said he thinks it sounds like an advance. This coworker has said weird things in person before, but I thought it was just eccentricity. Now I am not so sure.

 

Thoughts?

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What kind of weird things has she said to you before?

 

That is very odd. Unless there was a mistake and she put it on the wrong desk, I'm tending to your husbands POV. She may have a bit of a crush on you.

 

Ahh you know how being married with children, or otherwise not available, doesn't necessarily slow some folks down.

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The 3 other things I would classify as weird would be

 

1.) saying " You are the best!!!!" After a presentation, in front of everyone.

 

2.) During the same presentation during a break, coming up and asking me if I ever bought a specific brand of pantyhose. This was completely random and another coworker who was there and saw and heard it made a point of it to tell me it was weird.

 

3.) starting an e-mail to me about a publication with

 

" Bella, what's up dawg?"

 

 

 

She has used a very casual tone ( as if I have known her for years and we are friends) but I work in a very professional environment.

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I was hoping it was just eccentricity and a sort of teenage, arrested-deveopment, immature attempt at a friendship.

 

If it is a crush it makes me feel uneasy because of the manner of it. I have never dealt with anyone that aggressive and direct in approach. I hate giving presentations as it is ( but can put on a good front and not look nervous). Having someone in the audience thinking about your pantyhose makes it much worse!!!! Creeps me out.

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"Where ARE you??? I was going for a walk and wanted to ask you to join me."

 

Love (heart symbol)

 

Initials of name"

 

At the very best - this lady is so socially awkward she has no idea of what basic courtesies and boundaries should be observed with a casual business acquaintance. At worst, she's aware she has feelings way beyond what should be expressed and is stepping all over normal boundaries anyway.

 

Heck, I dunno that I'd be signing that way to anyone but a guy (or girl) I was actually "involved" with. You never know how "love" can be interpreted outside family and intimate relationships - so I reserve it for those, and sign off with things like "cheers!" or "catch you later!" for friends and acquaintances. After all, if someone else sees it, especially in an office? Just NOT cool.

 

And Bella - agreed. I had one lovely co-worker start an interoffice email with "hey sexy lady!" I was like O_O... it was a woman, and not meant in a crush way, but completely inappropriate for an email being sent to a team of co-workers!

 

Keep the note somewhere. And keep any emails or anything that seem to cross the line. If there are ANY more incidents, I'd at least go to my supervisor discreetly.

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This has gotten worse. At the company holiday party I was standing with 2 other colleagues. Each of us had a glass of wine in one hand and a plate of cheese and crackers in the other other hand. We were all standing in front of a table.

 

She comes up, acts rude to the other 2 people puts her arm on my shoulder and then says "Let me hold your wine for you, so you can nibble"....and attempts to take my wine out of my hand! I say "Oh I'm all set" and put my eyes down. She leaves abruptly after that. The other 2 coworkers make a note of it to tell me it was WEIRD.

 

I'm going to have to nip this.

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Bella, if anything comes up again with her, just say "Stop!" Be direct. No need to be discreet. Get the message accross, but don't seek out an intimate discussion with her. Just my 2 cent. Until then, every time you think of her, imagine telling her to stop so that you won't be caught off guard. She may have no special intentions towards you, but she is crossing your boundaries and it's fine to clarify them simply and directly, which can also be the kindest way.

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I'm not sure if she has an inappropriate crush or if it's a bizarre, strange, awkward way of hers going about trying to get to know you.

 

Either way, do not engage. And avman is right, you may need to take it up with HR. Save the note and have other coworkers back you up. Esp that pantyhose comment. I'd report that. Wildly inappropriate and you have witnesses. That could really get this freak fired,

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How new is she? Because if she's being rude and weird in a way that's noticeable in mixed company, I can't imagine she's been there all that long.

 

The pantyhose question doesn't sound more weird than the rest -- I read that more as one woman asking what another woman likes, regarding feminine apparel. Still not appropriate, but I don't see it as particularly lecherous.

 

I wonder if she has some kind of psychological disorder. Something THAT bizarre makes me think of someone who isn't all there. I'm not sure "crush" is the word I'd use, because she may have no romantic feelings. Having some special fixation with something about you and being obsessed is what comes to mind.

 

So, what Avman says.

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Something is definitely "off" with her, for sure. At the next opportunity (I'm sure there will be one!) I am going to be very direct and say something to the effect of "This is inappropriate. Can you please keep your communication with me strictly professional?"

 

It's the oddest thing I've ever encountered in the workplace. I'm in a leadership position and don't want her going around asking me about pantyhose and trying to hold my wine. It's so out of context.

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Something is definitely "off" with her, for sure. At the next opportunity (I'm sure there will be one!) I am going to be very direct and say something to the effect of "This is inappropriate. Can you please keep your communication with me strictly professional?"

 

It's the oddest thing I've ever encountered in the workplace. I'm in a leadership position and don't want her going around asking me about pantyhose and trying to hold my wine. It's so out of context.

 

If it were me I'd actually have to rehearse what I would say -what you have chosen is perfect - because it would be so awkward! I hope that works!

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  • 1 month later...

Haven't updated about this in a while. Other than a completely inappropriate "what's shakin', bacon?" comment I received from her at a meeting last month, it seems she's calmed down a bit. She did ask me to do a presentation for her and a group she is in but I declined it.

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