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Should i still try?


BrJp

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This is going to be a long text, but i think that getting the background is a bit important.

So, in april of this year i moved from brazil to japan to study. And when i got here i met this korean girl that came in the scholarship program as i did, let's call her S. Two weeks after we got here we started dating, and dated for 7 months.

Even though it didn't lasted too long, since we were leaving appart form our family, you feel pretty much alone and actually put all your hope and faith towards people in the same situation as you. We were leaving almost together for that time, which made things even stronger.

 

In this scholarship program, you stay one year in tokyo and after that you'll apply for one university somewhere in japan. But her grades are amazing and mine not that much, so we won't be able to stay in the same place for next year.

One day i thought i didn't love her like before and decided to break up, i thought that the sooner we did ot the better. And then i tried to get with other girls to enjoy my time and things like that, but two week after i came after here, asking to get back together and we did, until she got to know that i tried to be with other girls when we weren't together. Then she got pissed off and just ended everything.

It has been almost two months since then and i'm feeling just worse all the time. Put other problems together and i considered suicide, but when i was going to do it, i just couldn't. If i go out with other girls i just keep thinking about how it would be of that girl was S.

She seems so okay, it looks like she is getting even prettier all the time, i just can't be without her. And seeing her all the te makes everything much worse.

I tried talking to her, she doesn't want to see/talk to me at all.

 

While writing this, tears came and a lot of them. I don't what to do!

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I'm sorry you're hurting.

 

First thing you do is realize your life isn't over, even if the relationship is. You're intelligent and stronger than you know. You just want the pain to end, right? It will. I promise. It really will. What you're feeling right now is purely a neurological response to a chemical imbalance in your brain. Honestly! Google it. The pain and desperation you feel is a response to lowered dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin, endorphins, vasopressin, and other chemicals produced by our brain when we're in love. Removing the stimulus that caused the surge of chemicals (your ex) means going through withdrawals until the chemicals slowly dissipate (it takes time). But it does happen.

 

In the meantime, here's how you can survive:

 

First, either get to a doctor for some anti-depressants or consider starting to take 5-HTP or St. John's Wort. Also, go see a counselor. The reaction to life's problems isn't death. It's fixing what's wrong.

 

Second, consider becoming the one who got away. It takes work, but it gives you something positive to focus on and a channel for your pain. It gives you purpose.

 

What does it entail? Physical, social, educational, and personal change. It involves changing your mindset and believing you can do better for yourself (not to win her back - just for you). Remember, you thought you had a reason to breakup with her before. You were likely right in that assessment, despite how you feel now.

 

 

Here's what I did to accomplish this myself and may give you a starting point.

 

1. Cut my hair (and did some other girly changes).

2. Exercised every day for at least an hour.

3. Changed my style of dressing (had to - got in great shape and lost weight).

4. Started taking cello lessons.

5. Started volunteering in my community and met lots of new people.

6. Threw myself into my job and got a raise and two huge bonuses (for you, this would be your education).

7. Started getting together socially with friends more often, but at new places.

8. Met two new people a week.

9. Smiled at the people at the bus stop and said hello to complete strangers.

10. Took a road trip half way accross America.

11. Did things for strangers (little things).

12. Took a class (for you could be something like going to an interesting seminar).

13. Affirmations (google what a good, positive affirmation should sound/look like). Corny, but they actually work amazingly well to build self-esteem.

 

And all this may create renewed curiosity and interest on your ex's part, but you have to do these things for yourself. Doing it in an attempt to win her back will only backfire. Girls can smell that from miles away. It needs to be a genuine interest in living your best life. That's incredibly powerful to women. It makes men fascinating (even when they aren't good looking, but also makes them appear more attractive than they actually are), makes them fun to be with, sexy. It creates an air of confidence. Confidence is irresistible.

 

I hope you decide to take back some of the power in your life and put it to good use. Frankly, what you're doing isn't working, so it's time to try something else, right? You probably can't feel much worse and might even feel a lot better.

 

You can and will make it through this. I know it seems dark and hopeless at times, but you're only lacking a plan to move forward (with or without her).

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I've being going out and things like that, meeting girls and everything. But that actually makes me feel worse. For example, the girl i went out with and was thinking about my ex all the time, i lied to her and i'm going to disapear from her... That makes me feel bad.

 

I'm gonna put your advises into use. Thank you!

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