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Will it get better??!


Rhythm83

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Sorry for such a long message but im in need of some advice, was seeing this really great guy for 6 months, everything seemed to be going so well until he just said " I can't do this anymore" I was shocked. Only days before we had been at a gig and he was telling me what a great couple we were. We never got into a fight, we just clicked everything was so easy between us. Had similar interests etc, great chemistry, which he agreed we had also. He just said after 6 months he felt like he should be able to say he loved me, but couldn't. I said there was no time limit on when you should say I love you, we were both hurt in previous relationships and I know I had my guard up and was never ready to fall in love until he came along and changed my world. My mum passed away earlier in the year before he came along and I just was starting to feel so happy that I had met someone who I had a great connection with. Both my friends and his friends were completely shocked by the breakup and they even told me, he never stopped talking about me and he was genuinely happy for the first time in ages. I have been LC with him since we broke up. I went to see a medium in the hopes I would be able to speak to my mam and find out she is happy, he told me about my breakup and that my Ex had commitment issues and needed therapy and would "come back to me"

My question is do you think if I do NC is der a chance he would come back, I really love him, he made me so happy and I truly believe I made him happy too and that maybe he got scared because things were "so good" he was afraid it was all too good to be true and decided to end it instead of finding out if it could be something special.

All your advice or views on the situation are welcomed.

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I think it is best to just let go without hoping for anything in return.

 

We have loved and lost and it hurts a lot. We were brave enough to love. We did not get our desired results. What is the point in finding out why? Why put ourselves through more hurt from the same person?

 

All we can do is learn to accept and let go and believe that we deserve so much more.

 

Be strong.

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I think the medium is quite possibly saying the things he knows you want to hear. As to the guy if he says it's six months and he can't say he loves you then take him at his word and full face value. He doesn't love you. He's tried and he may like you alot, you enjoy being together, but it isn't love. And usually by six months you should know if it will or not. Contrary to popular novel and film belief being hurt in the past does not mean the person secretly loves, but is just so afraid to say it. That's an excuse when someone says it in real life and a more accurae translation is, "Look, I don't love you but I want to." The trouble is wanting and doing are two very different things and if you settle for his "I don't love you" then that's what you'll get. Until the day someone else enters his world and changes his mind about that and then he leaves you telling you he' sorry, but he has fallen in love with someone else.

 

No sorry, six months is more than enough time. This is what should be the honeymoon period of a relationship and he should be very happy and very much in love with you right now. It's also what you deserve and should hold out for, so I'd tell him goodbye, it's been fun. But you want the whole package and you want someone who is in love with you, not just the guy who wants to be. He can't change his heart, you can't change his heart. All you can do is choose to move on and keep looking for someone who is in love with who you love back. One-sided relationships never work and they're a terrible waste of time. I'm sorry, I wish I could say something different but I've been through enough relationships to know that you shouldn't ever settle for "Gee, I want or I think I could love you in time..."

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It's possible that the reason that he can not say I love you yet is because he is still grieving over his last relationship..still holding on to things is not allowing him to let go and love anew with all or even part of his heart. Perhaps he is also looking for the same spark that he had in his previous relationship..that giddy heady feeling that you get with a passionate quick burn relationship...so volatile in it's ups and downs. Funny thing about time is that the bad memories fade as the brain hangs on to what vestiges of good times that it can. The wonderful moments rise to the top while all those things that tore you apart lurk into the darkness. What you all have or had is a slow burn or so it's what it sounded like. comfy like an old sweater or shoe that would in theory last the test of time. Not without the worry of falling into a rut or needing to add some variety that we think of as the spice of life.

 

To answer your question about NC..if someone wants to do something they will and if they do not you can't will them into it. NC allows the person to miss you and hold you in higher regards rather then clinging to them in sheer desperation making them feel suffocated and wish to run further away faster. NC would not cause you to lose anything..your relationship has already been pummeled into the rocks. So the real message is to not make decisions where you are acting out in fear, fear of losing a guy who is already at this point mentally and physically left the relationship.

 

Stay true to yourself, remember the things that bring you joy, so if he does come back or even if it is someone new that steps into your life, there will be a reason for that person to stay....

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Staying LC in this case is the worst thing you can do. It prevents you from healing because you're in a constant state of recovering from every contact. It also allows him no reflection time on his own, which can work in your favor--but you need to demo the backbone to quit the contact.

 

He can't miss you if you won't go away.

 

I'd stop the contact.

 

Head high.

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Thanks so much, I think I will have to dig deep and just completely go NC I can see its the best option in order for me to heal and I'm so tired of crying and being sad because I want him back, but you are all right I know myself I deserve to me loved and adored by someone. Time to start lookin after ME now and if he can't see how good he had it then more fool him! It's gonna be hard but I CAN do this.

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