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Saddened and disappointed by people. How can I trust again.


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So, I have had an on and off again thing with a guy who seems to have played around on me but will never admit it.

He's never there when I need him. He keeps blaming the break up on me -saying he wanted it but I didn't. Yet he won't be with me.

 

Anyway, recently I had some personal difficulties regarding my children and he found out about it.

I had told him to not contact me anymore, I couldn't deal with the limbo of him going in and out of my life and not wanting anything.

He txts me at about 11:30 at night about it. That for a start makes me angry. Various reasons go through my head why -probably txting when his new girlfriend isn't around.

When we were together he'd rarely call me on the phone to talk and he still doesn't. So I'm forced to txt out the whole conversation and it's slow and frustrating.

He also used to break up with me or have arguements over txt so he could just disappear or block me. And I'm left fuming at the other end. Unable to sleep.

Whenever I block him, he finds a way to contact me.

It's all so hypocritical.

Basically what I take from this latest exchange is that he was being nosey and checking up on me. He said he's here if I want to talk.

Why on earth would I want to talk to him?!

I got mad and told him to leave me alone.

 

I just don't understand, if he's seeing someone -why does he keep checking up on me. When it was my birthday he unblocked me on Facebook.

Our kids were going to the same childcare center and it seems he noticed when we weren't there.

 

I still have a lot of feelings for him otherwise I wouldn't feel anything at all. But it all just upsets me and angers me so much.

He says he doesn't want anything from me. I'm not about to let him support me and end up wanting more.

Is that reasonable?

 

Also I have dated a lot but still not had a relationship because I just am so over games and being lied to and having my ex always popping up and upsetting me.

I told one guy I didn't want to see him and he told me he was going to go back to his wife. It all just saddens me.

 

Christmas and New Years just seems to highlight being alone too. I can't help feeling like everyone else has a relationship and I don't.

But I don't want one just for the sake of it.

Feel so sad.

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You weren't "forced" into a long and painful discussion...you chose

to engage in it and waste your time while he was merely entertaining himself, making himself feel the like this great guy who's "there for you" and stroking his own ego when he gets you to respond.

I'm a single mom too and I find that with kids you're never really "alone" for the holidays or New Years. I go to bed every night by myself so I'm not going to start getting depressed now or later that the same will be the case in a month. You can choose to put a different lens on that and you can choose to delete any messages he sends, have a glass of wine and go to bed. Don't indulge him and you won't feel as badly about yourself/the situation you're in. See where you can make some different choices and make them.

*hugs*

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You are right, Savignon.

 

I feel much better when I don't hear from him, I even start thinking good things about him.

Obviously part of me hasn't been ready to completely cut ties. And then I get disappointed each time I'm reminded how he doesn't want me. How many times do I have to keep hurting myself.

I know that all it does is give him the ego boost that he still has an effect on me.

I can't wait for the day that if/when he does contact me I can just laugh and brush it off and delete it.

I still dread the possibility that I might see him with someone else and I'll just lose it.

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It always ends up with me looking crazy, when I get mad and I'm the last one texting telling him to leave me alone and trying to tell him what he's doing.

I just get him saying 'this is what I get for showing concern.'

In other words, yes, he's the wonderful nice guy and I'm the looney. I should be so thankful and humbled to be blessed with his acknowledgement.

He gets to find out stuff about me and I'm left with nothing about him. It's not a two-way friendship of any kind.

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Why don't YOU make that day TODAY? I hope you realize this continous 'contact' is not doing you ANY good, only more pain.

He is NOT fully putting into you and no longer in a relationship- right? Then there is NO need for further interactions.

 

Way I see it, if he doesn't want to 'see me anymore'? Then he won't see me, anymore! -his choice-.

 

Now to move on.....

 

I hope soon you WILL realize this and stop replying back/ talking/dealing with him.

 

How nice.. he 'unblocked' you from FB? ( for your b-day). Nice guy....

Also- to text anyone at 11 pm is totally inconsiderate. Time to look at moving on and putting this one BEHIND you.

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THANK YOU!

 

I agree that txting after 11PM is very suspect and disrespectful.

 

It upsets me that someone I thought I loved is just this toxic reminder now.

 

I also agree that a friendship is not possible. And it's not what I want. I told him this and he makes out like I'm just nuts for not accepting his offer of 'caring'.

I will not be part of his 'harem' of women he can call on.

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Dump the ex and realize that if you keep being disappointed by people it's because you are ignoring wild red flags. The ex should have been shown to the door long before he was and you still let him have contact and to affect you, when really it's in your power. Two letters N and O and you hit the delete/stop/hang up button when they try to reach you. Also giving other people chances is all good and fine, but realize you will go thorugh a ton of people in general to find those you're a good match with. Learn to recognize red flags, learn to recognize your own relationship achilles heels and stay away, learn to block and delete the ex and be prepared to do so until the end of time. He's the telemarketer from hell and you aren't buying, so block him, don't answer the phone, just ignore-ignore-ignore. Eventually they give up and even if they don't (my ex hasn't yet) who cares? It's up to you to just keep ignoring them.

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For as long as you respond, he will keep contacting you. He texted you at 11pm, big woop. You look, roll your eyes and delete. You think to yourself what an a_wipe he is and how nice that you are free of this inconsiderate turd and go to sleep. You do not respond and you certainly don't engage in text conversation. You have no one to blame for your pain but yourself here because you will not allow yourself to heal at all.

 

As for the holidays - you have a family, it's impossible for you to be alone. Focus on your priorities in life, your kids. They need you and rely on you to make the holidays warm and memorable for them. It's about you and them, they are your biggest relationship in life and the best one you'll ever have. Men will come and go, but your children will be there for you when you are old.

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"As for the holidays - you have a family, it's impossible for you to be alone. Focus on your priorities in life, your kids. They need you and rely on you to make the holidays warm and memorable for them. It's about you and them, they are your biggest relationship in life and the best one you'll ever have. Men will come and go, but your children will be there for you when you are old".

 

That made me get all choked up. Yes I spend a lot of time with my children. I actually only get one night without them and feel it's so quiet without them.

I got into a habit of feeling like I had to make time to be with this 'turd' and that was the worst part. Feeling I had to compromise my kids to keep him around. I never want to feel that way again. And I won't do it.

Makes me mad I let myself get to that state where I'm so upset by him I can't ever muster the energy to make a nice time for my kids

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Not too late - still a week and a half to Christmas.

 

As for the turd, well...flush him. Enough with the stench lingering around. Seriously, just don't respond anymore at all no matter how he tries to provoke you. It's only fun for him as long as he gets a reaction and a response. No more response from you means no more fun for him. He will go away once the fun is taken away from him.

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I had told him to not contact me anymore, I couldn't deal with the limbo of him going in and out of my life and not wanting anything.

 

Until you decide to own this decision, and close that door which you're leaving open, nothing will change. In addition to that, upping your value and standing up for yourself, can do wonders towards your self-esteem.

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