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How long do you wait to see if you click with someone?


TheD87

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I met someone online and went on a date with her last week. The date was ok, not great but not bad either. We didn't kiss or anything, just had dinner and both went on our way after. I get a feeling we didn't have too much in common, and I really feel like I don't know anything about her. I text her every few days to check in and our text conversations are usually real short and then they die off. I have a date set up with her next week, but I really don't know how long I should give this before I just say there isn't anything there and move on.

 

And just for background purposes, I had two AWFUL relationships this summer with crazy girls. They were fun but it came back to haunt me in the end and both ended horribly, the most recent one about a month and a half ago. This new girl doesn't seem crazy at all, seems "normal" but also kind of boring. I don't know if I was interested in her originally because she was the complete opposite of the girls I had recently dated and was over-correcting by going for the complete opposite. I don't know, I just don't feel the same way about this new girl I did about previous girls I had gone out with, but then again all those girls ended up being trouble. I plan on at least going on the second date, but how long should I give it to see if something develops?

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I'd give it a second date and if things still aren't clicking, I wouldn't keep going on dates to try to make something happen. Best of luck!

 

I agree. If in this second date you still aren't feeling it, that's it, you shouldn't see her again. I also do think that you were interested in her at first because she is the opposite of these girls, but just because a person is the opposite of what you dislike, doesn't mean that it's all you should settle for. There are other important things to take into consideration as well, like the chemistry, does she mentally stimulate you? which so far she hasn't, so try not to go off of just the "opposite" characteristics. For a good while, I found myself in similar situations. I'd date guys and they were all so clingy and needy said they loved me within a couple of days of talking, half of them claimed to see dead people and other weird things. So I finally met a guy who was the opposite! well this back fired on me, I guess. He's too careless, cold and distant, insensible and puts no effort in communicating with me. So I was blinded in not seeing the bad because I got too caught up on the fact that he was the opposite but now I know that's not all that matters and I hope that the same thing doesn't happen to you. Keep your eyes open and remember that if it doesn't feel right it's because it most likely isn't.

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I would give it up to 4 dates as long as you're having a pleasant time but if by date 4 you don't desire to kiss her I'd move on. I know of happy couples where it took that long or even longer. The reason I wouldn't wait longer is because you don't want to lead her on.

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Sorry I posted something above that was supposed to go elsewhere. To your question I think several dates but it takes time for me to know if I click with someone nowadays. I don't get the instant click and I know everyone is different so some people may know right away.

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Thanks for the responses everyone. 2 girlfriends ago, I knew at the end of the first date I really liked her. We clicked pretty quickly and things were good for a little bit before it got crazy. The second girl I dated this year, it was crazy, it was almost what some people called love at first sight. Like the second I saw her I fell for her, and we were great for about a month and then she turned into a completely different person. So I am kind of used to clicking with people pretty quickly, but again that fast moving style with both of them probably caused a lot of the problems, we got real serious and involved before I really knew the real them.

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For me at least, physical/sexual attraction has to be there from the get go. If it's not there, no point in wasting another date. However, things like they seem boring or too quiet or awkward - those things can definitely change as the person warms up. So for those things, I'll give a date or two more to see if they improve in that department, assuming that I otherwise found them physically attractive.

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It depends on the person. I am very intuitive and normally know on the first date. I have friends who took several dates and even months though. It seems very personal.

 

I agree with this. The sucky part is when two different people have very different speeds of deciding if the chemistry is there. I personally will go on up to three dates with a girl to see if anything is there. I did this over the summer with one girl...date three came and went, I had no desire to kiss her (we never kissed) or see her again, even though she invited me out with her friends the following night.

 

On the flip side, I went out on two dates with one girl I was pretty into...she decided after date two she wasn't feeling it. I was upset, but I understood. We have different time frames for this thing I guess. Too bad, because she was a hottie and I thought she was sweet too. Le sigh...

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The hard part to clicking with someone is that there are 2 sides to the equation. I say 1 date isn't enough b/c like other posters pointed out often people aren't quite themselves on a first date....but more than 3 and you risk the other person getting more attached...if you don't feel something after 3 dates it's time to go.

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I think part of it is I am not really sure if I am physically attracted to her too. I don't know, just everything about her I just can't seem to tell what I think. I suggested we do something more fun on our second date than just dinner, I think we are going bowling because I figured Id get a better read on someone doing something more than just sitting there and eating.

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Forgive me I think you are not really interested in girls unless they are crazy or not that into you.

 

I do think I am attracted to a certain type of girls, I am kind of shy especially at first so I am attracted to girls who are kind of dominant and outgoing and flirty/who make moves. I guess a lot of those types of girls are trouble, at least the ones I have met. I'm not sure about the not that into me part though, my girlfriend at the beginning of the year would call me every night and I rarely initiated conversations with her, she even called me nightly for a month after we "broke up". The second girl was real hot and cold with me, and I clearly was more into her than she was into me most of the time although she would go through stretches where she would be super into me. She was playing some sort of games, I don't know, in the end though I obviously had feelings for her well after she stopped having them for me.

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Look...if you're not even sure that you're physically attracted to her, definitely don't go on more than 2 dates. It's one thing to say 'I'm not sure that we're compatible' and 'I don't even feel attracted to her'. Frankly, if you're not sure you like her as a woman AND you find her boring, I don't see much hope for the future.

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Look...if you're not even sure that you're physically attracted to her, definitely don't go on more than 2 dates. It's one thing to say 'I'm not sure that we're compatible' and 'I don't even feel attracted to her'. Frankly, if you're not sure you like her as a woman AND you find her boring, I don't see much hope for the future.

 

Yea I agree. I don't know, there is nothing about her that I can say I don't like about her, but at the same time there is nothing about her that really grabs me.

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With most girls, I can tell by the end of the first date if I'm into them or not.

 

But if I'm feeling 50/50, then I'll try a 2nd date and see how I feel.

 

At the end of that 2nd date if I'm still ambivalent, there will be no 3rd date. 2 strikes out of 3 is pretty telling, and it's just not fair to either party to drag things out.

 

Caveat: if sex happens on the 1st or 2nd date, I'll often let things proceed for a few more meetings because a more intimate connection has been established. If I'm into her, yahtzee. If not, the most I'll keep trying is 30 days - before anyone can really get too hurt.

 

 

Yea I agree. I don't know, there is nothing about her that I can say I don't like about her, but at the same time there is nothing about her that really grabs me.

 

Walk.

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Yeah I agree doesn't sound like you are into her. As a general matter how long it takes varies from person to person. It takes me a while and this is partly to do with the fact that I used to make snap judgments and ended up dating people I was instantly drawn to but in no way compatible with because I was looking for a certain feeling of instant passion rather than attraction plus feeling like I had things in common with the person.

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