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what do you think he feels?


emily1804

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Hi Everyone,

 

I don't suppose it makes much difference but I would really love your opinions on this guy I work with. I have worked with him for just over a year now and have really liked him pretty much since day one. We talk all the time, and seem to flirt horrendously at work (in a childish manner more than an upfront one, we are more likely to take the mic out of each other etc). The problems is, although I know a lot about him, he is actually a very private person and I find him incredibly hard to read. My gut instinct says he likes me. When I say gut instinct, its that instinct that is given by his mannerisms and the way he acts around me etc. For example when we are talking/joking around I find we hold each others gaze a little longer than necessary, we cannot help but smile and we catch each other looking at the other. Similarly he seems to focus the majority of his attention on me, always sparking conversation with me first. Sometimes I think he does childish things to impress me (such as trying to act macho infront of me), and he continuously asks me what my plans are for the weekend and creates general conversation when we are alone. Everybody at work seems to thing he likes me, I think it is obvious I like him and they are trying to persuade me to ask him to meet up. They seem to think he is quite a shy guy, and true it did take him a while to warm to me, although I am rather confident and forward and I think I brought it out of him and now he is relaxed in my company. Around others I have noticed that he stutters sometimes when caught off guard.

 

It all seems great, however there are other reasons which make me think, he is clearly not interested. When I have suggested that we meet up on work group occasions he always jokes around with a reason he cant come. Unfortunately I have drunk texted him a couple of times in the past, and although he happily carried it on, he had never taken the initiative to text me himself. The two christmas parties we have been to were rather frustrating to say the least. He has acted rather gentlemanly, picking me up to drive me there, buying my drinks and paying for our taxi home etc.. However I also found that he didn't give me the attention I was expecting on the night, preferring to talk to others etc.

 

I have tried to forget about it, my head tells me its clearly not going to happen, and I know its a bad idea to get with someone from work anyway. However I really am struggling purely because we see each other every day, and we continue to have this spark and chemistry. It also doesn't help how some of my work mates keep egging me to be firm with him, probably giving me false hope. I really don't want to make a fool out of myself with him, tell him I care, then face the rejection and seeing him every day!

 

So if anyone could give their opinion, advise that would be great!

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not a very detailed answer. What should I do?

 

Well the situation couldn't be any simpler, why waste time and thought on it. Since you know he likes you if you like him you should ask him out. If you don't like him stop the flirting. If you just want someone to tell you what to do in general, I'll PM you a bank account number where you should transfer all of your money to.

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Well this is a bit mean. I don't Know he likes me, I said my gut instinct tells me he does at work. But then he does other things which give me reason to think he does not, such as not wanting to meet for work drinks, not texting me etc... What can I do which isn't full on, so that I may know if he likes me without giving myself away?

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Calm down pleasehelp, the girl is just confused. I would be too with the way he's acting. I think he's confused himself. It seems he's intrigued by you but may just be chicken to ask you out. Maybe he's still trying to figure out whether he does indeed like you. If you are for sure giving him signals then he should pick up on those.

 

As for talking to others at the party he may just be trying to guage a reaction from you, he may do that because the signals you ARE sending aren't very clear and he wants to see if you are jealous, if you are that's a very clear signal that you like him. Sometimes guys can't pick up on signals, you have to be blunt with them and tell them you like them. I understand why you want him to make the moves because he's a guy.

 

My advice to you is if you don't want to bluntly ask him out then send out stronger signals. Say I really wanna go see this movie this weekend but all my friends are busy. Then see if he bites and offers to take you.

 

Good luck. It does indeed sound like he does have some interest but maybe not 100% interest yet.

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Another vote for NOT interested... it is fun to flirt at work to pass the time. Its been a year...no guy is that shy. And he never accepts/initiates ANYTHING outside of work.

When all you've got is side glances and eye contact in a year...you are projecting your wishes against reality.

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he offered to pick me up the first year and sat with me, we shared wine which he had bought, but when I went to dance he went to talk to others and it got me down. The second year we both got there separately he didn't seem that interested in chatting to me but he bought me drinks. Both years he has agreed to go to town with me and friends but backed out last minute, which has annoyed me. This year however he insisted that I share my taxi with him (even though it was well out of the way) I went to meet a mate elsewhere and he paid £12 for the taxi for me! I was pretty drunk and all I remember is yelling at him for paying (because I was so confused). I agree with everyone's answers on here. But my head is telling me if he genuinely liked me he would of done something by now, surely he knows I like him?

 

Not only that but if I am to forget it, any advise on how to stop liking someone you work opposite? I can try and stop my thoughts etc, but I cant stop the flirting and cheeky looks that go on at work! Its so hard, usually I am brilliant at moving on!

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So realize it is nothing more than a flirty game and look to date OUTSIDE the office.

 

PS..he probably shares/paid for the cab because you were drunk and he didn't want you going off alone. When you met up with friends he knew someone else would get you he safe..

Its called...caring about someone who isn't in control of their faculties.

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He may just like you well enough at work--i.e. he likes the banter, he likes the back and forth and it makes the day move a bit faster for him. But if he's had ample opportunity to take it to the next level, and from what I gather he has with you inviting him out and going to events together, and he doesn't take that up then either a) he has someone at home and he's just not really willing to step out on her for you or b) he likes you, you're fun to flirt with, but not enough to elevate you to girlfriend status.

 

Or another possibility is he's been really, really burned by an office romance in the past. But those are extremely rare and if two people like each other the threat of even being fired isn't usually enough to stop them. I'd leave at he's your office buddy and look elsewhere for potential relationships. It's been a year, you've invited him out, you've shown every way a woman can that you like him, he hasn't taken it beyond the office flirtation then it's time to move on.

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He likes you as a friend and enjoys the playful banter at work, it makes the hours spent there go by faster and be more fun.

I don't think he is interested in anything romantic though. He's had plenty of opportunities to make a move, and he knows very well you're interested in him. Be sure that he's been pushed to ask you out by the same coworkers that have been pushing you to do the same, and he's been told that you'd go if he asked. Maybe he's not interested, maybe he already has someone in his life, maybe he doesn't want to date a coworker in case things don't work out, and he doesn't want to have to deal with an awkward situation at work...who knows? All that matters is that he doesn't want to escalate things, and he is actively choosing to avoid any outings with only you, so that tells the whole story.

 

Just see him as a flirtatious friend that makes work less boring, and go on meeting guys who want to be in a relationship with you.

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I definitely think he is interested in you; however there is something holding him back. Many possible reasons why he hasn't officially asked you out:

(1) he doesn't want a GF

(2) he doesn't want to date someone at work

(3) he has a GF that you don't know about

(4) he likes the attention you give him and is keeping you as a backup plan

 

If a guy wants you to be his GF he will find ways to make it happen. Clearly he is attracted to you but has chosen not to date you for whatever reason. It's been a year; you've given him enough time.

 

If you are looking for a relationship I would suggest you be his colleague and nothing more, then go find a man who wants a relationship.

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