Jump to content

Recommended Posts

This is going to be pretty long and I would like to apologise in advance.

 

So earlier this year in July I got a new job, I met this guy and we became really good friends. He already had a girlfriend and child at the time but from what he used to tell me his relationship was on the rocks and they had split up earlier this year. We became pretty close an I didn't really have feelings for him just saw him as this great friend (best of friends) people would talk and assume we were sleeping together or actually a couple. We told each other everything and both said we haven't ever had this before it was pretty special.

Then I started to grow feelings for him but didn't act on it and I kinda had a feeling that he did too but also didn't want too act on it especially due to him being in a relationship.

We had a works night out and I ended up kissing someone (which during our relationship I did find out he was jealous and liked me ) Anyways I was due for an operation at the beginning of August. A week before we all had another night out to which then me and him just well we couldn't keep our hands off eachother and we talked about how we felt and I turned around and said sorry because you have a girlfriend and he said he didn't want to be with her he has been finding time to end the relationship at the right time. That night we slept with each other. (Please don't judge) I felt so guilty because I felt like a home wrecker or some kind of .

It was my last shift at work and he said did you think I didn't mean what I said and I said yes I thought it was just drunk talk but I meant what I said.

I went for my operation and I was out the same day and during that time he had split up with his girlfriend and she thought it was because of me but it wasn't.

 

So a few days after my op he stayed mine everyday he rarely went home and during sex he asked me to be with him but I told him to take it slow and that you need to think about it as you have just come out of a relationship. He agreed, the same week he asked me again an I said are you 100% sure an he said yes we had a talk and I agreed that we would be an item.

 

I always had this incline that he would leave me and still have feelings for his ex but he kept reassuring me that this was never going to happen.

He was the first person to say I love you.

Everything was perfect, we were like made for eachother and I still actually do think that because this what we have/had still feels so right.

 

Then I started to have gut feelings and I said to him on a Monday do you want to stay mine he said no I found this really strange as he never says no so I suggested I stayed his he looked at me and said no. I got abit upset and I questioned him an he said he just wanted a day to himself again I still felt It was weird but I thought I shouldn't really make a big deal but I did notice he was texting a lot more an I knew it was his ex.

 

That same week was my birthday 12th of October and early hours that morning I wanted to ask him something.. I knew he had been struggling with rent with his house and I wanted to move out so I blurted out do you want to move in I KNOW IT WAS WAY TOO SOON but I just felt like it was right as a few weeks before he told people we were looking for a place so I assumed he would agree.

I got a no.. along with his ex an I said all this time everything you have done you have had to justify yourself etc etc I said the only thing you should both concentrate on is your daughter. I said this because he wouldn't ever admit to her that I was with him and I think that might be just because she would be hurt/angry etc.

So I then said do you love me, he didn't say anything but just cuddled me an I said well do you? he like held me abit tighter and I said I want an answer. He started crying an said he doesn't know.

That was pretty much the end of it.. I found out it was because he has some little feelings for his ex and he doesn't know what he wants etc prior to this she had been meeting up with a guy an he had been staying hers a guy from xbox who he said she would always just talk and ignore him.

So this talk he said basically I was just this person that made him feel so good and wanted and he never felt like how he felt with me before.

That was it the end.

 

Two days later I went to work and saw him he had a MASSIVE love bite on his neck. I saw I and I was angry I was like is that he looked so scared an he admitted it was from his ex is was like why did you let her do it???

We had a talk an he wanted to remain friends he said he wanted to be how like we were before we got together because he said It was amazing an we stillwere like that but just it was more involved.

I just agreed because I don't want to lose this person in my life

A week or so went by and we started sleeping with eachother, he was flirty, he said he missed me he was txting my all the time.

 

One day I was bit upset he was working I was off I got an invite to the guys house I kissed a while ago for some beers I said yeah that will be cool. I went into work to grab some beers and he asked me where I was going I told him. All night he was txting me none stop an if I didn't reply within two minutes he would send me question marks. I heard the next day that he was talking about me and asking stuff and confided in someone about me an him.

That night I slept with this guy.. Something I have never done. I felt horrible an I felt as though I had cheated on him but at the same time I wanted to feel like I was wanted

 

I admitted it too him the next day an he started to cry I asked him why are you crying an he said it hurt him etc etc. He started to stay mine the night this went on for a few weeks.

 

Why would he get so upset If he didn't love me or want to be with me??

 

We went out on Halloween he kept his phone in my bag I did something stupid an read his txts, I found loads off her general conversation an things like I wont see you til Friday love you an kisses on the end.

I asked him an I said why she saying I love you do you love her? he said no an I said well do you say back? he said I say I love you an I was like why?????? he started crying an we had this talk an I said what if you an her never get back together an he said then ive made a mistake an I was like no don't you come running to me an he told me he didn't want me too move on

AGAIN so confusing.

 

So again we still slept with eachother people assumed we were back together time to time he would stay my place an few times I would stay his an I would get up set if he said no. I would always question it why do you say no...

 

I don't understand him an apart of me thinks he is lying to himself an that he does care and love me an he's just confused.

 

We had a conversation about just cutting out the sex and lovey dovey stuff an I agreed but then he and I just go back to sleeping with eachother and he always wants to hold me and cuddle me and kiss me.

Its like we have never split up..

 

Now im emotionally strained and I feel like I need to keep crying its killing me. I work with him so I cant cut off contact either..

So a few nights ago we had another talk.. An I asked him straight out I said what is this with us? Do you want to be with me an he said no.. An I said why? He said he wants to be just friends and looked me straight in the eyes.

He said I care about you and I think the world of you your special etc an I said well I think theres apart of you that just is not letting me in.

He said don't think when we were together it didn't mean anything but omg they all say that I know.

And I said we have this talk and then we end up going back to stage one again an he said ill make sure it doesn't happen and I said ok. He apologised an went on to say no matter how I feel about him he will always be my friend etc etc.

 

A day later this would make it Yesterday we were talking on Xbox, an went on joking about booty calls. He came mine before work an we slept with eachother again

He stayed mine that night with another friend from work as it was late finishing an I offered a spare bed and we slept together again but then after when it came to going sleep I said ill turn over now an he said no cuddle an I said ill cuddle for like 30 seconds an he was like okay an then iwent to move and he said just hold on and then held me.

 

Eventually I turned over during the night and I think at some point he cuddled me and then in the morning we woke up had sex an then I said you need to get up an he was like just 10 more minutes of cuddles.

Its like when hes at mine or im at his ill sit there an he will touch me an just like tickle my leg an it just feels like we are a couple..

 

I am so confused because I do love him so much and I do still think we are two peas in a pod regardless of whats happened I don't even have the slightest dislike for him at all where as all my other exes I did..

 

an its confused me even more as my shifts at work have changed as im helping out in another team for Christmas and when I told him this a few weeks ago on the phone he started to get upset and said he will miss me and told me about a dream he had of me getting hurt etc.

 

When I look at him I feel as though his eyes are tellin me he does care and stuff but the way he acts sometimes just keeps hurting me even more.

If he loved his ex why isn't he making every effort to be with her?

Why me?

 

We have such a laugh when we are together and the sex is always so like intense and close and just wow I feel connected an I can feel him just yeah you get the drift.

 

Is it a ross Rachael situation or just messed up?

I want to ignore him an keep it just civil at work but I go on xbox an the other night I was like im going an he was like no you don't have too..

Since we split he also never sleeps in his bed.. He sleeps on his sofa an he did used to sleep on the sofa a few times when he was with his ex but that was due to falling asleep on xbox this time he chooses too. Could be a mixture of missing her I don't know what his head is telling him.

 

(to add to his, he calls me cute an looks at me and smiles and just sometimes when he does look at me its like you looking at)

 

I AM SORRY IF this doesn't make sense an I its sooooooooo long and probably boring, I have tried to add as much in so I can have some kind of advice.

 

Meh, happy Friday the 13th!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, no it's not a TV sitcom situation at all. Ross and Rachael weren't with other people they had kids with. Look I know you don't want to hear this, but I don't think this guy was as free and clear as he led you to believe. And I am going to be blunt here and tell you any time someone says, "I have a girlfriend/wife/SO and a child, but...." then you need to walk the other way. Don't become their friend, don't become their lover, don't become their crutch or their rebound, which is what I think happened. That is if he ever really left his GF to begin with. Personally I think he cheated on her with you and if you talked to her you'd both be shocked to discover a) that so far as she knew it was all good, just he was having trouble at work and then maybe b) when he did tell her he needed space he reassured her over and over again there was no one else. But there was, you.

 

I know this sounds harsh, but I think you were the other woman whether or not you want to admit it. And I think you need to cut him off completely or he will happily keep putting you into that position of "other woman" since he gets to have the best of both worlds. If he really had been having problems with the GF and were an honest man he wouldn't have gone out of his way to make contact with, befriend and worm his way into the heart of another woman. Frankly if you read on this forum you see alot of this "My guy/girl met someone at work and now he/she insists they're just friends..." only to end up being cheated on. Yeah, I think he cheated on her with you. I think you need to tell him to stop cheating on her and tell him to never speak to you again. Otherwise be happy being his on the side, because that is what he's relegated you to and now that he knows you accept that he'll happily keep you there.

 

In the meantime neither you, his girlfriend or his child get the love and loyalty each of you actually deserves from someone decent. The only friend this man is concerned with and gives a hoot about is the one in his pants. Ditch him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You were never his main chick..just the other woman.. Stop inviting him to your house and stop going over to his.. Stop falling for this liar. Oh and to answer the main question of the post, the obivious answer is NO he does not love you..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I stopped reading after his 4th cry and you sleeping with him again.

If you haven't figured out what his game is, simply re-read your own post.

He is not your friend...he wants to sleep with you and agree time after time while you see alllllll kinds of evidence he's playing you, including his crying jags, harassing you, telling you he loves you/doesn't/isn't sure/you're good friends...

I'm more concerned that you don't have enough self respect to have left this situation after started...or sooner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This guy is 'messed' and taking you with him. He is totally confused going back n forth. You're his 'rebound'. Sending so many texts? He's lost.. he's desperate.. confused.. lonely etc. YOu're like his reliable 'emotional pillow' & callgirl.

 

Personally i say you should have left ALL alone, after you slept with a guy from that party- as he had that huge mark- from his ex. That's says enough, right there for me!

 

All he is doing is ruining YOU, emotionally and he doesn't 'love you', that's lust.

 

I really suggest you STOP these emotional games you two are playing back n forth and just aim at the 'friend' thing- if that's possible.

This- whatever it is, going on is very unhealthy. Its' confusing you and ruining you emotionally and him? Well he's just so messed up mentally & emotionally.

HE need to take some REAL time out! He needs to deal with his relationship break up for a while, on his own. In order to be able to move on again. (healed and whole heartedly). All you're getting is left overs. He isn't able to 'give' to you what he should be. This is why he is so confused and acting this way.

 

This really should stop! All of it.. because it's most likely just going to get worse. He is NOT over his ex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WHAT!?

I couldn't even finish reading it.

I'd like to say it's so messed up but I've been almost exactly there in the same position.

Him saying he doesn't know what he wants. Still hooked on exes. Going back and forth. Thinking you've got such a connection and you don't want to lose it.

Knowing deep down he's sleeping with multiple people at the same time.

He's getting his cake and eating it too, why would he give that up.

It makes you hope you are the special one, the one who will 'win' his heart. Bollocks. It will never happen.

Be prepared to feel like you're living in one of those communes where there is one man and he has multiple wives. A harem. Gross.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure where the confusion lies, you knew from day one that he was unavailable, yet you chose to only hear what you wanted to hear. I think the only thing he's "confused" about is his fear of getting caught at his own game, and you're going along for the ride by being his partner in crime.

 

Since you've never had him to begin with, what is it you're trying to attain?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...