girlfriend lied to me and Im having trouble forgiving her

[ItRainsItPours]

Actually I'll rephrase that, thank you posters for giving me the blunt truth as always. I needed a little tough love.

[mhowe]

Glad to be of service!:shame:

[Mesemene]

Hey - that you came to get advice speaks well of your feelings for her under the mess - so you do deserve some kudos here.

 

On another note - she sounds like she's a bit naive when it comes to guys making passes, not necessarily a bad thing, just be prepared to point out when it happens gently since she may well not recognize it at first!

[shelty24]

I'm very surprised at the response to this thread. I don't know what I have said that would imply I am mentally abusive.

 

I said emotionally abusive right now-not that you are abusive in general. You are using something against her that she said ages ago when you guys were not even an item and punishing her for it, making her cry. That is abusive. If you cannot let it go then you need to break up with her coz you cant go on like this. Its unhealthy for both of you and you are hurting her. She hasn't done anything wrong but your making her feel guilty and now shes gonna be afraid to even like someones status on FB encase you go mental again

[pl3asehelp]

I said emotionally abusive right now-not that you are abusive in general. You are using something against her that she said ages ago when you guys were not even an item and punishing her for it, making her cry. That is abusive. If you cannot let it go then you need to break up with her coz you cant go on like this. Its unhealthy for both of you and you are hurting her. She hasn't done anything wrong but your making her feel guilty and now shes gonna be afraid to even like someones status on FB encase you go mental again

I thought he was upset because she lied, which just happened, no?

[quark]

Then and only then did you bring up his comment. Which she didn't know about and promptly took care of.

 

 

I hate to stir the pot (well..maybe not) but isn't the comment in question the one about her freckles? She knew about it. She "liked" it and replied with a smiley face.

 

In any case, it is time to let it go because she did, afterall, block him. I just hope she agrees that he was out of line, and hasn't blocked him just to satisfy you. That could breed resentment.

[pl3asehelp]

I hate to stir the pot (well..maybe not) but isn't the comment in question the one about her freckles? She knew about it. She "liked" it and replied with a smiley face.

 

In any case, it is time to let it go because she did, afterall, block him. I just hope she agrees that he was out of line, and hasn't blocked him just to satisfy you. That could breed resentment.

Exactly, this was 2 former lovers flirting - both parties totally aware of what was going on. I too wonder if she blocked him just to placate OP and sees nothing wrong with this behavior. If so, it will happen again.

[SooSad33]

I feel she may have done that 'lie' as she figured you'd be upset, as you were 'asking' about him, so she really didn't want to have do admit, they were seeing each other, at one point. I'm thinking it was done to 'not' hurt you...

 

IF you DO 'trust' her, I say you 'try' and get over this. Try and just let it go. Because, if you trust her, you feel she will not do anything further to hurt you or cheat etc. I dont think she sounds like that kind anyways? So- is just for you to deal with now.

[PetiteGirl]

Hmm interesting. I could be that girlfriend who is clueless that some past fling of mine was flirting with me and replied with a platonic smiley face. Text can be interpreted in different ways depends on the audience's perspective, mood and mindset.

 

And if I were to describe a past fling I would also describe it as "just some guy I know." Because that's the truth. It didn't mean anything. Just a fling who isn't a friend, just someone I know. That's why I don't understand how that could be interpreted as a lie?

 

Just a thought. I've been on the receiving of such abuse where no matter how much I apologized or tried to make it up, it was never enough. He said he forgave me, but kept bringing back the past issues. It was like I was expected to go back in time and change history. It was impossible. I cried a lot (and that has been interpreted as me having emotional problems, when it was because I was hurt and he wouldn't stop hurting me). If you care about someone, don't gaslight them and say they have emotional problems when they cried. There are reasons why your girlfriend cried. Please don't objectified her feelings. She was showing distress by crying and the worst thing you can do is to brush it away as her having emotional problems. That's unhealthy. Please be aware of that. We're here to make our partners happy and be with them like a team, not making them miserable and alone.

[mhowe]

Wow...putting a smiley emoticon is considering flirting now?

Holy moley....I am flirting with a 70 yr old woman who was a friend of my moms.

When did the rules change?

[pl3asehelp]

Wow...putting a smiley emoticon is considering flirting now?

Holy moley....I am flirting with a 70 yr old woman who was a friend of my moms.

When did the rules change?

 

That was in response to a comment he made about how she looks naked. Yeah, pretty sure any kind of positive comment about how someone looks naked is flirting and if it was unwelcome wouldn't be responded to with a big thumbs up.

[mhowe]

It was about freckles...on a open fb forum.

Jeez...you guys like to make mountains out of molehills.

No one else would ever get the gist that is was sexual.

If she had typed "haha" or "very funny"... that is flirting?

[pl3asehelp]

It was about freckles...on a open fb forum.

Jeez...you guys like to make mountains out of molehills.

No one else would ever get the gist that is was sexual.

If she had typed "haha" or "very funny"... that is flirting?

 

Why does anyone else have to get the gist for it to be flirting? OP and his gf both know where her freckles are and so does this dude. Sounds like you at least acknowledge it was a sexual comment. Not sure why you can't agree he was flirting then. At that point she could have blocked him, ignored him, or gave him a big thumbs up based on how she feels about former lovers making sexual comments about her.

[mhowe]

The fling threw out a comment. She posted an emoticon. Big frikkin deal.

[pl3asehelp]

The fling threw out a comment. She posted an emoticon. Big frikkin deal.

 

Former lover makes sexual comment which she responds to positively. When questioned by her partner about the identity of the guy commenting on hos girlfriends naked body, she chooses to lie about the nature of their relationship. When pressed, she tells the truth and decides for some arbitrary reason that now is finally the time to block him - basically acknowledging that what they were doing was inappropriate. Yeah, awesome.

[ItRainsItPours]

I don't believe that my girlfriend knew the meaning of his comment until I pointed it out. She does get freckles on her face in the summertime and thats what she said when I first mentioned it. To which I replied "didnt you see him in the winter time?" and thats when her eyes opened wide with horror and she began to curse him. I was upset that she lied and about the comment that she made, but I do not think she was flirting. she never has before, and all of her girlfriends tell me when guys approach her in public she's on the harsh side when shooting them down.

[solamente]

i agree with the others who stipulated that she did not lie. an ex is just a guy she knows, nothing more. there is no reason she should have to elaborate to you. in fact, any elaboration is apparently offensive to you, so it begs the question why you would want it in the first place.

 

and the comment about an ex's package? wooo freakin' who. seriously. do you expect her to LIE and tell you that every guy she was with before you was a sexual dud? and all she did was mention his size, there was no comparison or description of sexual acts or anything. i really don't get it. from now on, i would suggest you don't ask questions that you cannot handle the answer to. and think about it long and hard beforehand.

[ItRainsItPours]

i agree with the others who stipulated that she did not lie. an ex is just a guy she knows, nothing more. there is no reason she should have to elaborate to you. in fact, any elaboration is apparently offensive to you, so it begs the question why you would want it in the first place.

 

and the comment about an ex's package? wooo freakin' who. seriously. do you expect her to LIE and tell you that every guy she was with before you was a sexual dud? and all she did was mention his size, there was no comparison or description of sexual acts or anything. i really don't get it. from now on, i would suggest you don't ask questions that you cannot handle the answer to. and think about it long and hard beforehand.

 

I've decided to put this past me but she did lie, she even said she did to avoid a conflict. The elaboration isn't what bothered me, it was the exchange on her wall and her being dishonest about it that did. And about the comment she made no I do not expect her to say everyone she was with is a dud, I expect her to say nothing at all. There are women that I was with before that I had chemistry with at the time, but I never said anything of that nature in my girlfriends presence.

 

All besides the point because Ive chosen to move on with my life.

[ParisPaulette]

I read threads like this one and I swear that I am deleting my Facebook account tomorrow. Emoticons are flirting???? What the...there go my smiley faces, man. Lord only knows what I've been telling people.

[Zuri]

Most people are used to bad relationships and are afraid if they have boundaries they'll be alone so they tolerate anything that is thrown their way.

So true. I am, unfortunately, guilty of this.

[capilot]

Put me into the "you're over-reacting" camp. She dated someone before you; big whoop. She's on good terms with her exes; that usually shows maturity and character IMHO.

 

She lied, which is a red flag, but she lied about something that wasn't really your business, so I would cut her some slack.

 

She's apologized; she's come clean without a struggle. Let it go.

[Mesemene]

Former lover makes sexual comment which she responds to positively. When questioned by her partner about the identity of the guy commenting on hos girlfriends naked body, she chooses to lie about the nature of their relationship. When pressed, she tells the truth and decides for some arbitrary reason that now is finally the time to block him - basically acknowledging that what they were doing was inappropriate. Yeah, awesome.

 

Let me tell you something - I was the girl in school that was buddies with all the guys. I was shy, and I don't know how many times I got myself into trouble because a guy friend thought I was reciprocating interest when I was being friendly, because I took what they said at face value. I STILL can't tell most of the time if a guy is coming on to me if he's remotely subtle, because I just didn't interact with guys that way. Flirt? My daughter used to laugh her butt off at me because she'd tell me how hopeless I was.

 

And I wouldn't have recognized that comment as suggestive, or given it any more than a passing thought, even now, when I'm a bit more savvy than I was.

 

If you look hard enough, you can see *signs* of *deviousness* even if they're not there. I've been cheated on, lied to, etc. It's hard to get to my age without having been through it. But I don't go looking for crap that's not there. It sounds awfully like you're putting your own personal motivation into this, honestly.

 

She went on her phone and blocked him, saying she had no idea that he was making a suggestive comment. I do believe her, she is not the type to welcome that sort of behavior.

 

Arbitrary? Nothing arbitrary about it. OP pointed out to his GF that the comment was suggestive. GF reaction was "oh crap, you're right *block*." Reasonable for someone who doesn't engage in flirtatious behavior to not have given it much thought before. Not all girls are flirts or have a clue how to if they wanted to.

 

I'd think since the OP has been acknowledging her as a generally caring GF who isn't a flirty type, he would have picked up on if her reaction was false or rang true. He says it rang true. Blowing this out of proportion serves no purpose, and certainly doesn't do the OP any favors.

[mhowe]

i agree with the others who stipulated that she did not lie. an ex is just a guy she knows, nothing more. there is no reason she should have to elaborate to you. in fact, any elaboration is apparently offensive to you, so it begs the question why you would want it in the first place.

 

and the comment about an ex's package? wooo freakin' who. seriously. do you expect her to LIE and tell you that every guy she was with before you was a sexual dud? and all she did was mention his size, there was no comparison or description of sexual acts or anything. i really don't get it. from now on, i would suggest you don't ask questions that you cannot handle the answer to. and think about it long and hard beforehand.

 

You know...mentioning she has freckles on her face in the summer takes ALL of the sexual innuendo out of this except for you, him...and when you pointed it out...her. She saw the comment as completely innocuous until YOU pointed out the season.

 

Talk about blowing something out of proportion!