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So here is the long story. I started dating this girl back in May and we hit it off right from the start. It almost moved too fast to tell you the truth. We lived 70 miles apart and traveling back and forth became costly. So we made the decision for me to move into her house after about a month. I know fast right!!! That lasted about a month until she had second thoughts about me moving in. It was going so fast it scared her and instead of talking about it she broke up with me. I moved out that weekend and rented a house closer to my kids and work. About a week later she calls me tellling me she didnt want to break up just me move out and she was scared about how fast we were moving and needed some space. So I got back together with her and we did the long distance relationship thing only seeing each other a few times a week. That went on for about 3 months then she went through a sort of depression and said she didnt know if the long distance thing was for her and that not seeing me is killing her and she wanted to take a break. Three days later she says she made a mistake. I know she is all over the place but in her defense she is bipolar and had a lot of bad relationships and didnt know how to deal with a good one so she paniced.

 

We were so much in love it was kinda scary but it kinda all changed in me after the 2nd breakup. I decided to give it one more try but to be honest i was angry with her. I began focusing on the negatives about her. Would go out of my way to piss her off, would never talk about the future, i became a jerk. I never treated her terribly but I was not the same person i used to be. The sweet loving caring boyfriend who wanted to spend every waking moment with her, tell here corny lovey dovey things. I became bitter and sabatoged our relationship by just not caring. I was a coward and didnt want to be hurt again. This went on for a month then she got tired of me being so bitter and tried to have a talk with me but i shut down, like a stupid little child does. I never let her in on how I was feeling and kept myself emotionally detached from her. After that night I said I was done, called her a money grubber, brought up her ex, and everything that bothered me about her. I was trying to make her hate me and never want to see me again because I was so angry and confused. When this didnt work I just cut all contact off from her, told her I was done with her and had moved on. It devistated her and she tried to stay in contact but i would just ignore her text or calls. I was a fool.

 

I tried dating other people but none of them ever felt like it did with her. I tried so hard to get her out of my head but I could never stop thinking about her. So Monday I was sitting in my truck and was trying to sync my phone up to it since it didnt automatically do it and her voice came through my speakers. The words "My Phone" did me in. It was like a rush of emotions all at once. I began reading all her post she made on my facebook account, the text messages we had together, just thinking about the past. It was then I realized what had happened. How I ruined what we had by being a , I missed her, i still loved her, I wanted to be with her. So I did what I should have done so long ago and got back in contact with her by friending her on facebook but it was like someone had hit me straight in my stomach and knocked the wind out of me. She had just started seeing someone else about a month ago.

 

We talked through message and she told me she still thought about me and that she was sorry for hurting me. I went over her facebook messages and saw all the stuff she posted about this new guy. About how great he was, how he made her so happy, basically everything that she used to say about me. It made me sick to my stomach and it hurt so bad. I asked her about him and she said he is good guy, straight country, in the airforce and a little younger then her. I asked how young, which she replied a 11 years younger. He is 22 and she is 33. I was kinda thrown back and was like cradle robbing much? She laughed and said he told her he doesnt date women his age only older women. I just kinda left it at that and left her alone for the next few days.

 

Well yesterday i put my heart out on the line. Told her everything about how i treated her bad cause i was scared, how i still loved her, explained myself on what changed in me and that I regret letting her go, how I was not asking her to take me back but just wanted her to know it was not all her fault for the breakup and the stuff I said I did out of anger and confusion. How I still loved her and cared about her and wished I would have fought harder for her but was too scared to. The letter went on forever it seem. After reading it she cried, said she still thinks I am a great guy and still regrets how things ended and she was sorry she hurt me. That she still cares about me and part of her will always love me. I was a blind fool and it took me too long to realize what I had and how stupid it was to let her go.

 

Part of me things that this is a rebound and dating someone 11 years younger than her is bound to fail especially someone in the airforce who could be deployed for months at a time. I dont know how to proceed. Have I waited to long and is it too late?

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Three days later she says she made a mistake. I know she is all over the place but in her defense she is bipolar and had a lot of bad relationships and didnt know how to deal with a good one so she paniced.
You dodged a bullet. Sadly you are still trying to get shot.

 

She's broken, she's confused, she moves strange men into her house after a month, she kicks you out and she hoovers you back when she can't get some other schmuck to fawn all over her like you did. Well; she's found a new schmuck so I suggest you do the smart thing and thank your higher power that you did not subject your children to a lifetime or a brief time with someone who obviously has emotional issues that she's not taking care of very well.

 

Now.. look in the mirror and figure out why you would be so irresponsible to move yourself into the house of a woman who you haven't even ascertained yet if shes sane enough to be a step mother in good standing.

 

You.Dodged.A.Bullet. Don't pine away because she didn't get a chance to emotionally shred you, rejoice that you've survived to find someone worthy of you and your children's company.

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Oh wow. I wouldn't let that ^^^^ assesment of your time together affect you negatively, OP. She's not all right in the head so it's quite natural that your human instincts kicked in and you held your emotional self from her. It's called self preservation. At the point of you doing that, she had already broke up with you twice and hoovered you back into her little web of need.

 

You're better off without her. Know it, live it, hug your children for saving them from her and know that you all are far better off without her. There is a woman out there that will be far better for you but first, in order to find out you actually have to take the time to get to know her, find out if she is without any major issues, whether or not she is a loving and nuturing mother-type. If you don't do that, then you will more likely then not, end up with another nut.

 

Onward, with a clear conscience you go.

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I completely agree with you which is the funny thing. It is part of the reason I called it quits to begin with. She is a good mother for the most part, bar moving some strange guy into her house when she has two younger kids. Its your typical new love, not thinking about the consequences of doing something so irresponsible like moving a stranger into the house. I get it, I know she is not the most stable person, everything is telling me to just move on and forget her, but for some reason my heart is telling me otherwise. Here is the thing. I was married for 9 years to my first love and it was a terrible marriage. We didnt get along fought all the time and ended badly. I dated after the split a few other people and none of them i ever clicked with. When I got with her it just seemed so natural. We were so close it was like we knew eachother for year even though we only knew eachother for a short time. We told each other everything, there was no secrets and yes she had some crazy stories to tell but she never hid them from me. The last longterm boyfriend she had didnt move in till about 1 and half years and that was because he got her pregnant so its not like she does this all the time. I dont know its hard to explain. We dated for 5 months so it wasnt a very long term span but at the same time I know what kind of person she is. But you are probably right it is best to just move on and cut my loses but for some reason it is so hard.

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Well, good sex is hard to give up. Lust isn't love, being able to spill your guts is great but you have to listen to what you're being told and if you see red flag behaviour then you can not ignore your gut or those red flags for instant gratification. You had children with a woman that you confess to be in a "terrible marriage" with. You ignored red flags there and took that particular dysfunctional union a step further by bringing children into the mix. Now that you have them, you have to protect them from woman that have mental or immature emotional issues. She's having babies with men who she hasn't committed to in a normal by society standards fashion and she's bringing men in and out of her own children(s) lives. What do you suppose that is teaching them about the opposit sex and relationships in general?

 

You sound like you're coming to terms with the fact that you're better off without her. Thats good. It will take a bit of time for you to get to the stage of indifference to her but you will speed up the process by accepting how much you dodged by putting up a wall to her, by going ZERO contact (pretend she died if you have to) and by spending good quality time with your children and doing things with them that will keep your mind occupied on your first priority ~ Them.

 

Best of luck to you, twisted. Work on yourself, hone your partner-picker so you'll know a good match for you while you give your kids awesome memories of what a great dad you've been.

 

BTW: Q edited his/her post so my comment no longer applies to what it's pointed at. "Cut contact and move on" is the way to go here.

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Your relationship sounds like an unhealthy emotional rollercoaster the whole way through. I think you know that this woman is not a good match, but you also need to adjust your own behavior to prevent yourself from making such impulsive life decisions like moving in with someone after a month of dating.

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Your relationship sounds like an unhealthy emotional rollercoaster the whole way through. I think you know that this woman is not a good match, but you also need to adjust your own behavior to prevent yourself from making such impulsive life decisions like moving in with someone after a month of dating.

 

I agree. It might be an uncomfortable truth for you to accept. I think she's very rash with her decisions too... She seems to jump in to relationships very quickly and seems like she falls in love quick or likes to appear that way- then gets overwhelmed and needs space. You might want to step away before you get yourself tangle again in her roller coaster and then get upset all over again because she's unstable.

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