Jump to content

men and women Is child birth very traumatic?


shelty24

Recommended Posts

Hey guys. We were discussing this in another thread and it made a few of us a bit anxious lol.

 

I have qs for both men and women.

 

Women:

 

1. Was the birth very painful/traumatic?

2. Does it leave scars down below that affects your sex life after like pain or being loose?

3. Would you rather a natural birth or a C-section?

4. Was it traumatic for your partner? Did it turn him off sex?

 

Men:

1. Did you find the experience of watching her give birth traumatic?

2. Did it turn you off sex?

3. Did it affect her sexually after?

 

Thanks peeps

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 163
  • Created
  • Last Reply

1) Um, yes. Very traumatic, but not because of the pain. I labored for 24 hours then had an emergency c-section. The labor was painful but I've had worse pains(abcess tooth, for example). I also had an epidural about 10 hours in. It wore off quickly.

 

2). I don't have vaginal issues obviously but I do have my scar from the section. I have numbness in that area. When I have an itch, it is absolutely maddening to try and properly scratch it. I have literally scratched myself up trying to get to it. And I also have a little scar tissue, so for a long time it felt very uncomfortable to have any pressure on it or to lay on my tummy. Sometimes it still feels weird.

 

3). I would have rather had a natural birth. I was very sad I had to get a c-section. Combined with his health issues I felt like we missed very significant bonding time. Also his time in the NICU and getting bottle fed as I was dealing with infection and they were unsure he'd even be able to nurse properly with his nasal injuries, it made establishing a breastfeeding relationship very hard. It took a couple months. I don't care what it would have done to my vagina.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1. It was painful but it wasn't "traumatic" in any way.

 

2. There are no visible scars. Sex the first time after the six week abstenance period is similar to when you had your hyman broken (at least it was to me) but the pain quickly subsides if you have an understanding partner and you've both made sure you've lubed up well (you on the inside not just the outside).

 

3. Natural birth. It takes weeks to get over the trauma of a c-section whereas you're good to go the next day after a vaginal delivery.

 

4. It was NOT traumatic for my partner. It shouldn't be for your's either if you both go to pre-natal classes and he's educated and as excited about the baby coming as you are. That's why its always nice to have planned your pregnancy because it's a goal that both of you want to be parents and are excited and happy when the day comes rather then because "it just happened" (steps down off soap box)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

good thread op

 

1. Was the birth very painful/traumatic? ...it was painful , but no worse than really bad period pains or pains you get with a runny bum ..those sotmach cramps ..it is no worse than that . Some women get unbearable back ache as well though , but is goes , it all goes once baby is born . It wasn't traumatic , it was just pure beautiful .

 

 

2. Does it leave scars down below that affects your sex life after like pain or being loose?...no nothing at all

 

 

3. Would you rather a natural birth or a C-section? natural .. a c section carries it's own problems ..you opt to stay awake , then you risk spinal problems from the injection , if you go to sleep you have risks from the GA ..like blood clots . You recovery time is slower , you risk infection and you have a scar .

 

4. Was it traumatic for your partner? Did it turn him off sex? no

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I want to talk about the c-section issue. Now obviously I have nothing to compare it to, but I want to share my experience.

 

It is a major surgery, make no mistake about it. I had an epidural for mine, I was able to stay awake. The feeling of them cutting you open, it's nothing, but when they put the pressure on you to get the baby out it feels VERY WEIRD and it actually hurts terribly(in my experience). I had to stay extra days in the hospital, I developed an infection, then I developed an infection in my wound. I had to go get it cleaned out and examined by the doctor for 6 weeks. It was gross, stuff was just oozing out of it. Speaking of oozing, every woman who has birth has to deal with lochia so it was like having a period for weeks on end. So double the oozing. I had to sleep on my back for at least 3 or 4 weeks. I pulled muscles in my back very easily because standing straight was tough. Getting around was difficult, picking up my baby was difficult. I had to give myself lovenox injections for awhile afterwards to prevent blood clots, it sucked!!

 

I have a hard time understanding someone might prefer that if they don't have to. But I suppose I do not care about the pain, but most of all I don't care about my vagina...If it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, so be it. I would have asked the doctor for an extra stitch

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Contrary to popular belief and the hotdog down the hallway comparison lol... the vagina is no more or no less "loose" after having a baby then it was prior to having one. It all depends on how good you've been throughout your adulthood with your kegal exercises. I'm doing mine now as we speak. lolzzz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ya id never go for a section unless i HAD to. My aunt went through the same as you. It got infected, she was in a lot of pain, it made looking after baby difficult. I would hate that personally.

 

the weird thing is she wanted a section on baby 2 and 3 coz she was so traumatized from going through labor for hours and then being told something is wrong. She was terrified of going through that again

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Painful? Yes. Traumatic? No.

 

I've had both natural and c-section births. In the heat of the moment, the emergency c-section was easier (no doubt the morphine influenced that!) (Not to mention the relief of getting somewhere after 30+ hours of unproductive labor) Recovery - natural birth was INCREDIBLY easier. I also felt I bonded more easily with my firstborn, who was a natural birth, since I wasn't dealing with being unable to get out of bed and nurse for a couple of days. The c-section REALLY hindered a lot of the things I was able to enjoy in the days right after birth for my natural birth (I was only hospitalized for 12 hours after my firstborn's birth and went to a picnic with her to show her off on the way home), and my milk never did come in properly after my c-section, either.

 

Getting up every 2 hours to feed a screaming infant post c-section can be a nightmare. Don't get me wrong, it's not a picnic after a natural birth - but the c-section incision, it pulls, it strains, it aches. It was easier, IMO, to deal with the ache in the pelvic area, and be able to use a sitz bath to relieve it a bit and sit on the lovely donut, than to deal with the post-surgical pain and stiffness on top of everything else.

 

I wouldn't opt for a c-section unless, like in my case, there was no other option. Here are the long-term "minuses":

 

- I have a small "pouch" of loose skin at the incision, since the incision by necessity has to go through the muscle wall of the abdomen, and it doesn't seem to both heal and tighten back up. With a natural birth, it mostly has to tighten - I didn't notice this issue after my firstborn.

 

- The scar, while not super obvious, is still quite obvious on a good look

 

- I have numb areas below the incision, including parts of the mons (female mound). The numb spots range over a large area under the bikini line almost to the top of the slit - and dragging a fingernail over it produces a burning sensation like over an area that has circulation cut off.

 

- I get more painful episodes of gas after all the intestinal shifting - definitely related since it started right after the c-section and has never gone away.

 

And neither birth turned my partner off sex at all. If anything, I had trouble making him understand that the doctor said 6 weeks for a reason, not just to inconvenience him!

 

EDIT to add: And I'm approaching 50 and still "tight" enough I have to use a bit of lube and always have - childbirth didn't loosen me up a bit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, yes, it is painful. Unless you're unconscious or take the drugs. So if you are afraid of pain, discuss pain management with your OB/GYN. It can be more or less painful depending on whether you take the various pain relief strategies they offer, so the pain can be managed if you want it to be.

 

And re: how men feel, I've had some men tell me that watching the birth really turned them off and turned them off to sex with their partner once they see their child come out of there. And others describe it as a miracle with no loss of sexual feelings towards their partner. So my suggestion there is that you discuss this with your partner as well. If he is squeamish at all or doesn't want to be in the delivery room, don't make him. You wouldn't have to be there when he got his gall bladder removed, and he shouldn't have to be there for the child birth if he really is uncomfortable with it. Everyone is different, and it is best to decide what is right for you based on your own pain tolerance and also based on your partner's squeamish factor. My suggestion is that you let your partner watch a video of an actual childbirth, and then decide whether he feels he is able to be the delivery room when you go thru that yourself. Some men just can't handle it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Every person I've spoken to including my OB GYN has said it is definitely looser after which explains why subsequent births are easier and why you often leak urine afterwards. I 100% do not believe it isn't after being stretched that much and think women who deny it just fool other women into it. I'd rather be honest about it like some of my friends are and say it is different

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They show a video of a natural child birth in pre-natal courses which I strongly suggest you BOTH go to. It's much easier to handle when you're well informed and somewhat confident that things are going along smoothly as planned. Learning how to breathe effectively through a contraction was a god-send for pain management and they teach you all about that as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Every person I've spoken to including my OB GYN has said it is definitely looser after which explains why subsequent births are easier and why you often leak urine afterwards. I 100% do not believe it isn't after being stretched that much and think women who deny it just fool other women into it. I'd rather be honest about it like some of my friends are and say it is different

 

I'd like a chat with your OB GYN since the only way he/she would be able to tell if I or you or anyone else was "looser" after childbirth is if he had sampled being up there pre and post pregnancy. lolzzz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your boobs are also floppier, whether you breastfeed or not. Well, breastfeeding actually gives you an amazing set of honkers, masking the deflated balloon breasts until you stop.

 

Stretch marks.

 

I can't get rid of my "mom apron". I just have to accept I'm going to have a little kangaroo pouch.

 

Pregnancy in general is just going to change a lot about you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They do sample up there when they do smear tests etc, my nurse said herself that she can definitely tell a difference and tell that I have had not children.

 

If I could feel a bit of difference after sleeping with a more well endowed guy in that I could now fit 2 and not just 1 finger, it's just naive to think there wouldn't be after a giant baby has stretched it out.

 

There's also a reason why babies come out easier after 1-2 and you need to do pelvic floor exercises to tighten the muscles. Not forgetting leaking issues, incontinence etc.

 

Most women I know admit it is torn and stretched after-- I think it's just weird to even try to say it isn't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Uh gawwd now i am sorry i asked lol. I dont want my body to change-ever.. its the scariest thing about pregnancy for me. I think i could handle one or 2 stretch marks but i like my boobs just the way they are.. sometimes i wish i was a man. Im so jealous of their tiny hips and 6packs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mine were bigger but they certainly were not "floppy" lol. Now, my abs were loser which took lots of crunches to fix (still not as tight as they once were) but my daugher just had a baby and you wouldn't even know it and it's only three months later. She is a gym rat and was totally toned prior to pregnancy and her body responded as such post partum.

 

We're all differenct, OP. Do your research (google is a great resource as it the pregnancy/baby section of your local book store.

 

Walking during your pregnancy is one of the best things you can do to help your labour when the time comes. Both the daughter and I walked alot during pregnancy and I was 7 hours total from first pain to delivery. My daugher was even luckier and it was only 6 hours total for her.

 

(great thread btw)

 

P.S. As for stretch marks. Both my daughter and myself put on Johnsons Baby Oil while still wet after taking a shower and drying off after the oil was on. (be careful not to slip on any spilt oil so stand on a towel) Neither one of us has one stretch mark. We also used Vit. E oil on our dry tummy during the day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They do sample up there when they do smear tests etc, my nurse said herself that she can definitely tell a difference and tell that I have had not children.

 

If I could feel a bit of difference after sleeping with a more well endowed guy in that I could now fit 2 and not just 1 finger, it's just naive to think there wouldn't be after a giant baby has stretched it out.

 

There's also a reason why babies come out easier after 1-2 and you need to do pelvic floor exercises to tighten the muscles. Not forgetting leaking issues, incontinence etc.

 

Most women I know admit it is torn and stretched after-- I think it's just weird to even try to say it isn't.

 

lolzzz Sorry, but I'm dubious. Your nurse (or doctor for that matter) cannot tell whether you are tighter or loser yourself without having sampled you before and after. You may seem tighter with a speculum insertion then someone who has had a baby(when you have not) but that doesn't mean that particular person (who has had kids) is any loser then she was prior to pregnancy. You can't compare apples to oranges and expect to get a correct conclusion.

 

Lol shelty it definitely will change! Unfortunately there is no way around that
Sometimes even for the better. I kept my bigger boobs. I was rather unvolumptuous prior to them being glorious milk orbs. lol
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Uh gawwd now i am sorry i asked lol. I dont want my body to change-ever.. its the scariest thing about pregnancy for me. I think i could handle one or 2 stretch marks but i like my boobs just the way they are.. sometimes i wish i was a man. Im so jealous of their tiny hips and 6packs

 

HA!!

 

We have similar issues only in different areas. 1, the 6 pack is elusive for most of us, we won't ever have one. 2, if you think saggy breasts are alarming, consider the issue of performance. Your breasts will still have sensation afterwards, and they'll be just as much fun to play with. Our end, there's not a lot we can change if we're not performing like we used to!!

 

We just have to embrace getting old and Becoming Parents, which means all those Body maturation issues are in our future. Only genetics might save you, and that's a luck of the draw for the moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First birth, vaginal and no issues. Second birth, C-section (he was wedged in there pretty tight) no issues. Third birth (2 weeks overdue, they tried to manually turn the baby because he was breach) that didn't work. They induced my labor, I suffered for hours and finally it was time to push. He was still breach, came out rear end first and then his head was stuck so they had to use forceps to get him out. Ultimately he passed away an hour later. Fourth and Fifth births, both C sections because I wasn't about to have a repeat of ordeal number 3.

 

Do C sections hurt, yes. Not unbearable though. I just hate the hangy pouch stomach I have now because of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...