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Night time is the worst/loneliest


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I'm sure there have been bunch of threads on here like this or people who are in the same boat, but night time when you're just relaxing at home is truly the worst when it comes to my ex being on my mind...though i've been sticking to NC with her for the past month and we've been broken up since April (its our 4th break up, i'm sure some of you know my story from past threads)...its just when shes on my mind the most and when i miss her the most and it makes me more lonely because night time is usually when we did stuff together and i just miss everything we did together....i'd love almost nothing more than to just be cuddling with her right now on her couch in her apartment like we used to do alot, or go to the movies together, whatever....i'm positive she misses me and misses those things too, despite her set on us trying to move on this time around, and it especially sucks during this time of year since we were together on Christmas last year too...i have no idea if she'll contact me or not sometime soon, my hope for that and reconciliation have declined drastically during this 4th break up (yeah i know 4 is alot), and i basically pretty much gave up in trying to convince her to give us another shot, hence why i've decided to go NC last this past month and not contact her myself anymore!

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Good work! The faster you give up hope on her contacting you, the faster you're going to heal. I like it!

 

Nights do suck, no doubt about it. I keep myself busy by watching tv series on netflix that don't include any sort of romance. I also post on here, catch up on emails, screw around on facebook, check out dating sites etc. Anything you can do to keep your mind occupied. And when all else fails: Melatonin

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i had a greater amount of hope at the beginning of this break up because in the previous 3 break ups, she initiated contact and everything and we'd get back together, and though she's responded everytime and we even met up during this break up which was her idea, i've basically been doing all the initiating of contact and not really getting what i hoped for, and thats for her to want to try again...sure shes told me she misses me and everything and i'm still wonderful, ect, and all though that all means alot to me, actions speak louder than words!

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You're very right re: actions.

I have same thing here. Though I feel emotions all day. Sometimes I may get tears even b4 lunchtime. Often I fall apart again by late day, into evening again.

 

I just keep trying.. keep going though. Loss is NEVER easy.

Yes, they can 'miss' us, but IF they really wanted us to be part of their lives, they'd let us know this. If it was their choice.. we have to accept this from both ends.

 

take care... you're not alone

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Can I ask you a question? You say it's been the 4th breakup. I'm curious what has brought you back together the past 3 times? Did you do NC each time or did you stay friends? How long were you broken up?

 

Guess I'm just wondering if people can ever get back together after a long period of completely ignoring each others existence..

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i guess what brought us back together the past 3 times was us missing each other and us both thinking whatever went wrong wouldn't happen again, and me hoping she'd work together with me in getting through any bump in the road or any of my flaws/each others flaws instead of just using breaking up as a solution, though the second break up wasn't anything her or i did, it was her thinking she needed to take a full time, manager position kinda far from where we live and thinking our relationship wouldn't work out or have much time together, and she thought it was best to break up and she did it out of nowhere, and didn't even have an actually plan to do anything, she thought she was gonna move up there, ect...she didn't do any of that, she regretted that break up pretty much a day or two later and we got back together about 5 days later, didn't really keep NC during that one...the first one we were broken up for 5 days as well and went no contact, and she texted me that 5th day and we were back together...the 3rd break up was in January, she remained in contact and almost a weekly basis, she didn't want us to not hear from each other, we were apart for a month and a half during the break up...this time around, the 4th break up, was in April so we've been apart for 8 months now...the first few months we pretty much went NC, but besides liking posts of mine on facebook here and there, she didn't initiated things like in previous break ups, and i thought it would be like previous ones and id hear from her, but didnt, so i broke no contact in July and we've talked on and up until last month, though its been me initiating everything...yes, shes been responsive everytime i contact, even telling me she misses me, misses everything, how awesome i am, how high of standards ive set, ect, but has seemed unwilling to want to try again and stressing we should try moving on...i pretty much gave up last month and decided to go NC and not chase after her or initiate anything anymore...i miss her alot and i'm sure she does too, but i don't really have too much hope for certain things to happen anymore...yeah, i'm sure i'll hear from her sometime soon along the road perhaps, but i'm not sitting around waiting for that to happen anymore...my head tells me i shouldn't even bother responding if she does contact, but i doubt i won't respond...as for your question as to if people ever get back together and want to try again after a long period apart from each other and NC, thats what i want to know as well....i've stories of it happening, and though it'd be nice and a pleasant surprise in a way, i just don't know at this point...sometimes people just move on too much after a certain point i guess...we just have to see and find out!

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You've probably heard this before, but if she's that passive in initiating contact with you then she isn't worth your time.. I have to keep reminding myself of that too. What helps for me is imagening if I would ever act the way she's acting towards someone I love and respect. Answer is hell no! You would have tried to make things work. Because you genuinely cared and loved her. If you love someone a lot, you can stick through anything (apart from abusive type of relationships..). Wanting to break up is simply not loving someone enough, in my eyes it is kinda like 'running away' from your problems..

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I think you are in denial that its over. You have trained yourself to thinking that youll get back together after a break up and you are holding on to the "well we miss each other enough we will get back"

I think you are still wanting to be with her again no matter what you say on here and you are just waiting for her.

If its really over, then accept that its done. Once you do, then youll see youll move on better

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I think you are in denial that its over. You have trained yourself to thinking that youll get back together after a break up and you are holding on to the "well we miss each other enough we will get back"

I think you are still wanting to be with her again no matter what you say on here and you are just waiting for her.

If its really over, then accept that its done. Once you do, then youll see youll move on better

 

You're probably right, but if only it were THAT simple. Any tips on accepting and letting go? (Other then 'just do it')

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Letting go and moving on takes months. Other people take years. Spend time with friends works for me. I talk to more of my guy friends now. It's not really for finding a rebound. It's to help me notice that I can also make connections with guys of the same wavelength with my interests and humor. Also I notice their good points, some which my ex doesn't have. That helps me debunk the ex as a perfect guy.

 

When you're in love you don't really focus on their flaws. That remains with you after they leave you. This is more difficult if you don't really hate the person . I don't hate my ex. Maybe have friends tell them what they really think about your ex and relationship? An o jective observation from outsiders helped me somewhat accept our incompatibility.

Doing no contact also helps, but this is the most difficult to do. A lot of days I want to talk to him because I miss our friendship, but I am scared that if I talk to him my attraction would make my moving on worse. We do both want to stay friends afterward, maybe when I'm healed I'll try again. Though that might take me a yr or so.

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i loved her despite her flaws and bad habits, i guess in the end she didn't love me quite as much as i loved her? didn't love me despite my flaws and bad habits like i did with her?

 

Here's the thing: Everybody does the best they can. Doesn't mean they didn't love you as much as they could possibly love another human being, that you weren't good enough, that it didn't matter. It means that it wasn't enough. Nobody wakes up and decides to break anyone's heart because he or she thinks it would be fun or cool. Everyone does what makes sense to them - he or she isn't happy and it's the only option that makes sense. He or she can't change how they feel, their thought process, their history. They do what makes sense all the time, if only to themselves.

 

And it's true of your girl.

 

What she's doing, of course, in NIC. She responds to you, but doesn't initiate because she wants to talk with you without giving you false hope. Four breakups must mean it's not going to work, no matter what, in her mind. Staying or trying again simply doesn't make sense, so she's letting you go in the belief it'll be better for both of you when you find a relationship that works better - not loves better. She's letting you go with love.

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