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Minor bump in the road


CF-35

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Well I've been doing a lot better lately, I'm starting to focus on myself instead of trying to figure out why she did what she did. Tonight I saw a picture of her on FB ( accidently she's blocked) and it kinda bothered me, it got me thinking again unfortunately and I started wondering about what makes some dumpers never contact the dumpee again. I've only had 2 LTR in my life and in both instances it wasn't an ugly breakup but I got dumped and seemingly forgotten... Either I'm easy to forget or just unlucky but it does give me somewhat of a feeling of uselessness. Ironically though my first ex has been texting me for the past month trying to get some ex sex from me but I'm just not interested, although I did tell her we could be friends. I'm just still saddened by the fact that she hasn't reached out at all, maybe it's the holidays or something but just thinking back to the 2 Xmas's we spent together it still surprises me that she was able to make such a clean break. Why are some dumpers able to do this? You'd think she'd have moments of weakness once in while which would compel her to at least acknowledge my existence. I know it'S better for my healing process but it does make me feel kinda foolish about devoting myself to something that apparently didn't matter that much to her. Anyway, onward and upwards! Thanks for reading.

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Not being contacted by an ex isn't a reflection of your worth or how much you meant to them. It could be your ex won't contact you out of respect for your healing -- some dumpers are actually capable of putting YOUR feelings first after a breakup!

 

Another reason is that they might be feeling too ashamed about how badly they treated you, so they'd prefer to just move on and pretend you never existed. Especially if there was a third party involved, they'd rather not have contact and be forced to answer embarrassing questions that might make them look bad.

 

Just try not to take it personally -- whatever they do, it's about THEM, not you.

 

I agree this is a temporary bump in the road for you and it will pass. And remember -- for all the fuss about the holidays right now, in 3 weeks they'll be long gone and forgotten!

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Thanks Sharky, the minor bump has actually turned into a considerable speed bump lol, my friend was over at my place and I accidently saw pics of my ex circle of friends and her still with the new guy at the place we always went to. It bothered me more than I thought it would because for some reason I had sort of lead myself to believe that it wouldn't last and that they wouldn't be together by now . It was a subconscious thing to make me feel better even though its completely unrealistic as they haven'T even been seeing each other for 2 months. Still I'm kinda feeling down today and I have 3 finals coming up, this sucks... I thought maybe the holidays would bring back some of her feelings or something, I know I should never expect anything but it's really not on a conscious and voluntary level.

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Thanks for starting this thread CF and thanks for the reply Sharky. My ex left me for dead after a breakup. No third party, just a situational thing, and it's hard not to take it personally, especially when it takes every ounce of will power I have not to contact him almost a year later.

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Today I kinda broke down, I guess I was so busy with my finals and work that I was in another place, maybe I'm just physically and emotionally rundown but I'm feeling like I did 2 months ago right now. I still don't understand why she hasn't reached out whatsoever, how she just walked away from a seemingly healthy relationship only to jump into another one with someone who is everything she doesn't want in a relationship. It isn't true that no contact on a dumper's part is a godsend, I'd give anything for mixed signals because at least then I'd have the power to tell her to stop contacting me. No contact on their part just makes you feel forgettable and useless, there really is no way to not take it personal. Sorry for the rant, I sound like a broken record...

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Today I kinda broke down, I guess I was so busy with my finals and work that I was in another place, maybe I'm just physically and emotionally rundown but I'm feeling like I did 2 months ago right now. I still don't understand why she hasn't reached out whatsoever, how she just walked away from a seemingly healthy relationship only to jump into another one with someone who is everything she doesn't want in a relationship. It isn't true that no contact on a dumper's part is a godsend, I'd give anything for mixed signals because at least then I'd have the power to tell her to stop contacting me. No contact on their part just makes you feel forgettable and useless, there really is no way to not take it personal. Sorry for the rant, I sound like a broken record...

 

Yeah, there's no way you want mixed signals, because in your current state you don't have the strength to tell her to stop contacting you. This is better for you in the long run.

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Yeah, there's no way you want mixed signals, because in your current state you don't have the strength to tell her to stop contacting you. This is better for you in the long run.

Trust me I would, I've been there before and I have, my other ex did the same thing except she sent me messages telling me about seeing things that reminded her of me. I told her that if she didn't stop I would have her number blocked and she did indeed stop. It made things easier knowing that she still had that attachment towards me even though she was with a new guy. Now it just feels like I never meant anything to her, I know I may be the exception but trust me having gone through both I prefer crumbs.

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This is funny because it's exactly how I feel! And how I always feel. It might be immature to say this but them regretting it or contacting is like a sign to is that we meant something and that it is hard on them too. I struggle with this a lot as I do so much for the relationship and I take months to heal.. Where as they can easily walk away?! I doubt it is easy though. Were human and we don't just forget the person we loved that easy. I assume they know they hurt you and want to give you space or are too emberrased to reach out since they caused this big mess. But what I do know is that if it is meant to be, it will. People bump into each other months and years later.. (I have read so many stories like that). And if she is not the one, then she did a good thing by letting you go. It sucks now and it feels like we were worthless and meant nothing but I assure you that's not the case. And a year later you'll look back on this post and smile at how far things have come. Be positive and I recommend you read the secret. It helps to bring positive things in your life. Good luck!

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Trust me I would, I've been there before and I have, my other ex did the same thing except she sent me messages telling me about seeing things that reminded her of me. I told her that if she didn't stop I would have her number blocked and she did indeed stop. It made things easier knowing that she still had that attachment towards me even though she was with a new guy. Now it just feels like I never meant anything to her, I know I may be the exception but trust me having gone through both I prefer crumbs.

 

I don't believe you, because I don't believe that you are at a point where you would reject communication from this woman. Either way, the only thing that's being harmed right now is your ego. Most dumpees would pay significant sums of money if that was the only damage. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this. Maybe you need to read more threads of people who go insane from the "breadcrumbs" that you desire to get yourself in the right state of mind.

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I don't believe you, because I don't believe that you are at a point where you would reject communication from this woman. Either way, the only thing that's being harmed right now is your ego. Most dumpees would pay significant sums of money if that was the only damage. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this. Maybe you need to read more threads of people who go insane from the "breadcrumbs" that you desire to get yourself in the right state of mind.

I respect your opinion but I've had the crumbs before with my last ex and was able to ask her to stop. I'm not saying I would straight up ignore her, of course I would like to have a talk.. I feel like a lot was left unsaid because I tried to walk away as dignified as I could in the hopes that she would reconsider. I can see how this was a mistake now because I should have at least initially poured my heart out. Also I can assure you my ego is not the only thing that is hurting, I miss our relationship and I miss my dog and it kills me to think she's going to be spending the holidays with some other guy she barely knows and MY dog that I paid for. I really wish my ego was the only bruised part of me but unfortunately that is not the case.

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I use it mostly to be positive. I like to know that I can control my future with my thoughts. Not specifically, ( because I too am in too much pain to think of my ex ) but I tell myself everything will turn out the way I envision. For example, I went and looked at wedding dresses and rings online .. Just for fun.. To show myself that it's in my future. It's true that when we think negatively, we continue and continue to do so which puts us in a horrible state of mind. I usually block memories .. Go out whenever I can and best of all, talk about it when I'm hurting. Don't bottle things up but look ok he positive side of it all. The think that keeps me sane is when I tell myself that this happened for a reason. It has a purpose and I'll know it soon enough.. Whether it's going to be a new man or it will make my ex and I stronger. If it makes you feel better, think of your other ex . You probably thought you would never stop hurting but you did.. Let go and know that all things will fall into place.

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i can't look at the wedding rings like you are, hopefully one day i'll be in the same emotional stability like you. i'm thinking too that this happened for a reason, that's what my friends and family keep telling me. one day i'll look back and say thank you for that closed door.

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i can't look at the wedding rings like you are, hopefully one day i'll be in the same emotional stability like you. i'm thinking too that this happened for a reason, that's what my friends and family keep telling me. one day i'll look back and say thank you for that closed door.

 

 

Hi I'm actually surprised at myself that I can. In the past, I've taken break ups super hard.. To the point of severe weightloss and depression and not being able to get out of bed.. And my recent ex is honestly the best love I have known so I should be the same way but I'm not. I honestly do think it's because I have forced myself to just think of positive thoughts. You'll be just fine soon. It takes a while to just miss them but feel okay.

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