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Struggling with life


David Schwartz

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Hi everyone,

 

My name is David and I am 19, almost 20.

 

Currently I have been struggling with moments of unexplained anxiety and fear to the point that I begin to wonder if there is something I am missing or something I am doing wrong, or something I am not doing that I should be doing.

 

As of now life is pretty mediocre. I am currently going to a college and have been getting worn out of campus life, and switching back and forth between school life and home life when I come home in the summer. This next spring semester I am going to be commuting so I don't quite know how that is going to go. I have decent relationships at school but haven't had the type of friendships that really challenge me in any way or make me feel like I could talk to about what is going on in my life. Lately I have been estranging myself from hanging out with people. I spend most of my time alone, but not the good kind of alone. I have no feelings or desire to commit suicide or hurt myself in anyway. However, I have been waiting for some type of family tragedy that would allow for me to escape from life right now. Mostly because it would allow for a good reason to get away from school and everything else. Sometimes I find myself wondering why I just don't get up and leave, but something is holding me back.

 

I feel really trapped, and weighed down by life. I.E school, working two manual labor jobs to pay for school, running (I do cross country), pressure from my parents to continue college, expectation to lead a bible study (which I started independently with some of my friends and love to do but is a lot of work with everything else), having to switch between different communities (school friends, home friends, church friends). I don't really feel like I am living. And I hate to accept that this is my life, but it is right now. Most of all I feel trapped by my parents expectations. This past summer I wanted to quit one of my jobs so that I would have more time to devote to running and leading this bible study, and also because I was mad tired and had my plate full. But they didn't agree with me and expected that I should be able to do work and do everything else. This really frustrated me and really makes me feel like I can't really make my own decisions without them judging me or looking down on me. I don't feel like I can grow in that type of environment

 

I have no idea if all of the stuff I feel trapped under and my parents expectations is what's causing these moments of unexplained fear and anxiety. I feel as though I am missing something that I can't put my finger on. Like there is this huge gapping hole. I don't know if anyone realizes that I am struggling so much. I really hate the way life is right now.

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Maybe you're just doing too much and are finding many things are becoming too much for you?

We're human, we can only do so much. Try NOT to overwhelm yourself first of all.

 

I feel you are bringing yourself down mentally & physically. You should try and NOT do so much. Relax sometime. We always need our 'down time'. Life can get too crazy.

 

How about you look at cutting something down or out of your life for a while? See if things improve.

Also think about seeing your dr for something to help ease this anxiety. Im on something as my life was spirlling out of control, earlier this yr. I just fell apart.

 

I gather you're still at home & schooling? School can be challenging enough as it is w/out having 2 jobs? Wow you!

 

As for your parents.. IF they actually thought about it. they CAN see your point on how much pressure is on you right now.

 

How about you hold off on the interest re: bible study for now and stick with the school/work? And can you at least drop down to just one job- for now?

 

We do need to learn to take care of ourselves too. Sound like you've got a bit too much.

 

Tc

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You are doing way too much and what you're likely feeling is a) stress from being pulled in too many different directions and b) a serious lack of sleep and that will contribute to all sorts of physical and mental problems. There's a reason one of the medieval tortures was denying a person sleep. Also c) you feel you have to please other people way too much, so you end up doing way more than you have to in an attempt to appease or win over attention and approval.

 

Figure out the things you want and need to keep and ditch the rest. Stop trying to do too much to please everyone else, cut down on the "I must do it" activities like the bible study group and track. Just reading everything you do exhausted me and I'm a very high energy person. You're suffering from what alot of people in college have, it's called "too much-itis" and it can lead to physical or mental breaks. So please before you get to that point pick even just one thing to end, give yourself a bit of breathing room, and just sometimes take even an hour off to chill. You're not a superhuman and your schedule is hurting you. I would hand the reigns of the bible study group over to someone else or stop it altogether if no one else wants to run it. Tell everyone there it is simply too much with two jobs, demands of college and the commute you have to do. If they don't understand then that's their problem, tell them to figure it out on their own. Ditto to the running. You already work two manual jobs, you don't need to be putting your body under more physical stress.

 

Drop something or several somethings or what happens is you get scattered over everything and you aren't good at anything. Also if you're an introvert I can tell you, you need that alone time to recharge your batteries or yes you start to feel panicked and the walls closing in. Recognize it, give yourself some space even if it's just heading off to the library for an hour or going for a walk alone. It will help.

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Thanks for the advice you two. I am going to drop the bible study and the running. I definitely struggle with trying to please people and tend to try and give and give and give when there is a need till I find that I am neglecting my personal needs to the point that it is unhealthy. This is the worst it has ever been since I have never experienced so much fear and anxiety, so it is time for me to tell people what is up and that I need some time.

 

I really appreciate the help guys. Honestly.

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