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Boyfriend vanished then dumped me by email


Mary t

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I met a man online 5 months ago. He lives in Texas and I'm in Vancouver. He contacted me and kept talking about how he loves Canada and wants to see it and move here. Red flag. I wasn't that interested but he is a Special Agent and was interesting and became more about me than Vancouver. After a month of talking he asked if he could come up here and I said yes. He booked his flight right away. I told him he couldn't stay with me and he tried to but eventually got a hotel. He arrived and we hit it off. We spent 4 romantic days in Vancouver together. He met my parents even just because I'm close to them not because I thought he was the one. He left and after more than a month of talking he asked me to come to Texas. I met his kids. We had a great time and during that he booked two trips back to Vancouver, one to go to a Canucks game with me and another to be my date in whistler for a conference. Whistler was romantic and he showered me with affection. He was always touching me and complimenting me. Constantly. He always wanted to do things with me and met more of my family and colleagues. On the way to the airport he was holding my hand and said he'd call me when he got to Dallas. Then he vanished. 6 days later I asked him what was going on and he said he wasn't in love with me. He didn't act that way in whistler and looked at me like he was crazy about me. I am so confused and hurt. He did stay awake late when I went to bed and he drank. He said he needed to or he wouldn't sleep. He also has had lots of girlfriends in other cities in the past. He is a good man but vanished then sent me an email that he wasn't in love. Right after whistler. Why couldn't he have acted more distant so I could see it coming ? He was acting like he adored me. He has since written me again saying he feels terrible and is sorry and he should have told me how he felt which was exhausted, overwhelmed with a depressed sinking feeling. That was it. I can't and won't reply bc I'm so hurt and burned. Did he use me?

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Yes, sounds like you were used. It wouldn't surprise me if he's still married, or that he messes with many many women whenever he travels around the country. I don't think you're the first, nor will you be the last. He's bad news (imo). I say count your blessings - you dodged a bullet here.

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He also has had lots of girlfriends in other cities in the past. He is a good man but vanished then sent me an email that he wasn't in love. Right after whistler.

 

This is a red flag. The guy quite possibly is married and uses work as an excuse to tell the wife he's away. Then he picks out, pursues and madly woos a woman until the guilt begins to eat at him and/or he knows he'll have to end things or the wife will get suspicious. Remember he met your family and friends, you didn't meet his. Also a good man doesn't do what he did, they just don't so stop thinking of him in those terms. I think you ran into either a married man who's hungry to create fantasy worlds as a means of escape or a commitment-phobe who wants a relationship, but is damaged in some way and just can't follow through on one. He hopes each new girl wll be "the one" then when whatever impossible standard he has set isn't met he gets disappointed and bolts on to the next one.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through this. It's always bewildering and doesn't make sense, because the person doing it is not a rational empathetic human being but rather a selfish one who's one concern in the end is his own desires, not yours. Just go NC for good. Be doubly alert to any sudden reappearnces in which he tells a tale then asks for money too, because there are con artists out there who will do this sort of thing. Ditto him wanting back into your life, because he will do it all again. You have to understand sane, normal, truly good guys just.do.not.do this.

 

And personally I really am skeptical that he's a "special agent" anything. Most law enforcement at that level are not about to go online and reveal that's what they do to people they barely know, women or men. It's just asking for them to get set up and hurt and they're usually a bit more security conscious than to just blurt it all out over the Internet. Which could get them fired or demoted as well. That's kind of another red flag coupled with his current behavior that perhaps he's creating a whole fantasy rather than who he really is. I would say to google him, but what's the point. Whatever he is or isn't you do know one thing: he's mentally capable of acting one way then behaving another and not being sane or emotionally stable. At the end of theday that's really all you need to know about the guy.

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He was hiding something and he is a pro at what he does. I think he liked the Chase, how he can win over a girls heart. I think he liked you, but he lied to you from the get go and he didnt think you would accept him if he ever told you the truth.

It was nothing you did and Im sure you were not the first person he has done this too and you wont be the last.

Many moons ago I dated a girl for 2 years then one day I took her to the airport she flew to NY to see her mom and never saw her again. No letters, phone call, nothing. Years later I dated another girl for 9 months, saw her almost every day and one day she packed up and moved away overnight! I mean I left her place the night before and the next afternoon she was gone. Left no letter, no note, and her number was disconnected. Things like that suck but I lived.

Your guy sounds like he was hiding something and the outcome was pre destined by this guy and nothing you could of done.

By the way.. "GO HABS"

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