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Can someone decipher his behaviour?


dobbin

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Hi all,

 

I started a new role at a new place a few months ago and have noticed that there is this married man who behaves differently around me than he would around other people. He is very good at his job, very outspoken, very approachable with other people etc

 

However this is his behaviour towards me:

- doesn't say hi or smile

- he always has this smirk on his face whenever i see him

- he stares at me quickly and looks away quickly

- he walks by my desk and around my desk to go to someone's desk who is not even close to my desk

- in meetings he always positions himself in front of me and does the side eye stare

- in company gatherings he will find a place to sit that is really close to me or gets right beside me without ever talking to me

- he has never talked to me at all

- in meetings he tries hard to show his knowledge and expertise

 

I've done nothing so far. I pretend he's not even there. I have not acknowledged this married man's attention. At times I think he finds me attractive but at times I think he doesnt think much of me because he never says hi or smiles at me. What is up with this behaviour? If he does find me attractive then that would make me very uncomfortable because he is a married man. I've managed to ignore his stares and weird behaviour despite it making me feel uncomfortable but lately he's been getting more aggressive in getting in my personal space.

 

What is his problem? Why is he acting like this? Does he like me or hate me?

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Who knows...and who cares! Continue to not engage with him.

Act as though he doesn't exist...and since he has never spoken to you, it should be fairly easy.

Waling by your desk isn't invading your space.

 

Agree! Of course he'll want to appear knowledgable in meetings if he works there... I wouldn't read into anything especially since he's not even talking to you.

Married people still find other people attractive. It doesn't mean they're interested or would cross any boundaries.

This guy doesn't seem to have done anything that suggests attraction or anything inappropriate.

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Who knows...and who cares! Continue to not engage with him.

Act as though he doesn't exist...and since he has never spoken to you, it should be fairly easy..

^ THIS. Ignore him. Totally and completely. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Do not encourage him in any way. Do your work and ignore him. If he crosses the line in any way, shape or form, then it is up to YOU to make it known to him that you will NOT tolerate it and you do not mess with married men. That should shut him up (IF he ever tries anything).

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He probably does find you attractive, that's what his behavior suggests to me. That would make me uncomfortable, but look at your options. Suffer more of his weird behavior or try to break out of it. By that I mean, maybe you should just treat him like anyone else. Say a casual "Hi" or "How are you?" as you walk by him.

 

If he's jockeying for your attention, then getting to see you as a normal person (not someone he maybe has a crush on) either could snap him out of it or he might try something inappropriate, in which case you have something to act upon.

 

I assume he's not your boss or your boss's boss? At some point, you can decide to bring his actions up with your manager, if this guy is harassing you. Before it gets to that, I would suggest you get to know some co-workers who seem sensible, so they can also observe what is going on. Who knows, this guy may have a history of behaving oddly toward people. Co-workers may tell you, "oh, that's just how Joe is."

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It may well be that he finds you attractive, but he doesn't want to be the one to instigate anything and he hopes he's giving you silent hints so you'll take the initiative. Don't do it.at.all. First off his behavior isnt' appropriate, so do what you can to lessen any contact with him however slight that may be. If he sits next to you and you can choose another seat do so, if he gets into your personal space a firm, "Excuse me, step back please," will help or you move objets between the two of you. If he really starts to weird you out then go to HR or yoru manager about it and don't ever let yourself be alone with the guy.

 

It also may be he's socially less than skilled and just acts weird around any attractive woman. Make friends with your fellow coworkers and when you feel safe enough with them you might just casually mention it to one or two you feel safe with. You may well find out that he does that to everyone new who works there, men and women or that he's a bit of a lothario and is to be avoided at all costs. I wouldn't personally even give the man the time of day given that his behavior is so off. Speak to him if it's about work and nothing else and just make sure others are around at all times. Yawn when he's around and act bored, he'll get the message sooner rather than later that you aren't interested.

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Sounds like you're imagining more than what is actually going on.

 

This.

To me it sounds like you like him (enough to notice all this) and you are making more of everything than it really is. I know if I'm not interested in a man, I will never notice much about him, unless he actively asks me questions or comes to sit on my desk lol. You on the other hand noticed a whole lot of details!

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