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How to express yourself through talking


BellaLaBella

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I'm really not good at communicating. I don't know how to express myself how I feel and what I think. Esp in interviews, parent/teacher conference or anything that is not just a casual convo I tend to freeze up. I stopped going to my theraphy I have no idea how to talk it out. And I feel terrible when after each conversation I feel and think about what I should have said. I know it's not normal but is there way to correct this type of behavior?

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Practice, mainly.

 

I'm the same way too... and still am to this day, but it gets better a little bit. The way to practice is just to go on those kinds of conversations, or even start simpler. I work in retail, for example so I am constantly given opportunities to talk to strangers and I often times freeze up as well, but after doing it for so long, I've gotten better. When in doubt, let the other person talk as much as they need to. I don't know about you but I find myself putting undue pressure on myself to always have this "great response" ready for the person I'm talking to. I feel like I'm obligated to always have something to say and always be quick to respond. That's not always the case, and sometimes people just want to know that you're listening, hearing them out and as long as you respond with some emotion, even just a simple nod, you're usually good. Don't over think it and just let the conversations dictate themselves.

 

I

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I would love to practice good communication skills... But how. My husband tells me im not a good listener and maybe that is why I can't communicate? I'm good at communicating through emails, txt but not by talking personally. I used to work in retail and I was ok talking to people just an intimate type of conversation like talking to my sons teacher today I like froze up when she asked me if I had any questions and when I left all questions came running in. I felt so bad and I wish I can have another chance again. Anyways, I do feel like I might say the wrong thing and so I just don't open up.

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I'm really not good at communicating. I don't know how to express myself how I feel and what I think. Esp in interviews, parent/teacher conference or anything that is not just a casual convo I tend to freeze up. I stopped going to my theraphy I have no idea how to talk it out. And I feel terrible when after each conversation I feel and think about what I should have said. I know it's not normal but is there way to correct this type of behavior?

 

I would recommend going back to your therapy. They're pros, we're amateurs.

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I wish to understand this as well. I am an awesome communicator once I am comfortable with somebody, but before I am comfortable, I find it very difficult to share how I feel, even if I want to do so. This doesn't happen to me when I write, I express myself a lot btter through writing than talking no matter how comfortable I am with someone. Which is why I have literally had girls fall head over heels for me in text message conversations, only to look puzzled when I don't know what to say during a meet up...Weird.

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It sounds like anxiety to me. I get the exact same thing when I'm trying to be social... in the situation, my brain freezes and shuts off. I can't think of anything to say. When I go home, hindsight provides me with a lot of answers of things I should have done or said. I would go back to therapy.

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I have an idea but it's still in the experimental phase. As we know, anyone can calmly express their feelings when they're feeling calm, but it's hard to express them when one's sweating and one's heart is beating faster. Therefore, I suggest practicing alone as follows: Say some sentences that express your feelings or opinions (or: what you "should have said") and then repeat the same thing while starting to walk faster and accelerate and do calisthenics - this will give you practice saying those same kinds of things in a "stressful" situation where your body is undergoing these same kinds of physical changes.

 

Remember, the goal is to say the same exact things, just as calmly and slowly and strongly as before, but this time while doing something that makes your heart beat faster and you sweat a bit.

 

Only in this way can you really prepare for such a stressful situation in the real world - again, I think practicing this skill under easy conditions is pointless bc you (and me, too) will not have access to that under real-world conditions.

 

In fact, if you want to practice this a lot -- every time you go from standing to walking quickly, all during the day, mouth the words "I think you are being too harsh with me" or some other phrase that you often want to say but have trouble with. The acceleration makes this a different thing to say than if it were straight calm. Pick a different phrase each day to practice with.

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  • 1 month later...

Take a public speaking course. They usually cover conversations like you have trouble with. The classes aren't just about getting in front of a group and talking. Community colleges have them usually. You can register for one class without "enrolling" in a degree program.

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