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my ex is a LIAR


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It's been a little over 2 weeks since we broke up after dating for 1.5 years. I got strung along the last month or so as she started having feelings for someone else. When we finally broke up, her excuse was that life is just too overwhelming and she was confused about her feelings and she needed time to be alone for a while to focus on work and school. Due to a situation that blew up with this other guy (he slept with my ex's friend who got mad at my ex when she found out about the new feelings), she told me when we broke up that she was going to avoid that whole group and focus on herself. She told me she was not going to be pursuing this guy at all.

 

I was in his neighborhood tonight for an appointment, and curiosity got the best of me so I drove by. My exe's car was outside! I have been in NC and trying to heal and focus on myself after what I thought was an 'honest' breakup. I know I shouldn't be driving by like that but I was only a block away. And now I know for sure that she was lying.

 

I feel so incredibly betrayed and hurt by a woman that I loved truly. I can't believe she lied as we were so open with each other. I would rather have had the truth right away, but she was too gutless to tell me. There is no way I can trust her again. I want to text her asking if she is ok with her lies just to see if she responds. Please talk me off of that ledge...

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What did she lie about? She probably felt in the moment that she was "done" with him and then changed her mind. At this point she is not accountable to you about her feelings and actions. I don't think she's done anything wrong and sounds like she ended things with you before getting involved with the other guy. Wen though that doesn't make things feel any better whatsoever, she gets some integrity points in my book.

Sorry you're hurting.

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I asked her straight up when we broke up if she was leaving me for him. She said no and that she was not going to pursue him and was going to avoid him and the others in that crowd. 5 days later there are photos of them together posted and I thought maybe they are just being friends. Now her car is outside. Those are blatant lies IMO. Integrity my ass.

 

I understand she's no longer my girlfriend and she doesn't owe me anything. But she lied to me when I still had trust in her and that is what hurts so much.

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So this is sort of a delayed pissed off reaction. I think when she was breaking up with you and she was using you as an emotional support to work through her feelings about the other dude, it was crappy of her and if you were going to tell her to bugger off, it should have been then. But I understand you were still processing that the break up was even happening, and you had hope that it was a passing fancy and she really was still invested in you.

 

Don't send that angry text! Wait. She'll try to contact you again. I guarantee it. And when she does. What will you say?

 

The main thing is not to get sucked into her drama now. You need your chance to heal away from her. I'm sorry you are hurting. And I am sorry she broke up with you in such a crappy manner. Few people can break up with someone well. A lot of people use the break up to finish their own emotional business and they have known for a lot longer than the person being broken up with that they were leaving the relationship. She decided around the time she chose to invest in her feelings for the other guy to pull out. You couldn't have stopped her.

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But I understand you were still processing that the break up was even happening, and you had hope that it was a passing fancy and she really was still invested in you.

 

Don't send that angry text! Wait. She'll try to contact you again. I guarantee it. And when she does. What will you say? .

 

Thanks itsallgrand. You are right in that I did not want the break up, but I also told her I was in no way a 2nd option. I was completely open and honest with my feelings and told her I'd give her space if that's what she felt she needed. She agreed, then broke things off days later.

 

I don't know what to say if/when she contacts me. Right now I would simply ask her "Are you ok with the lies you told me?". I'm glad I posted here instead of texting her. I had it queued up but I will delete. Thanks for the input everyone.

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Thanks itsallgrand. You are right in that I did not want the break up, but I also told her I was in no way a 2nd option. I was completely open and honest with my feelings and told her I'd give her space if that's what she felt she needed. She agreed, then broke things off days later.

 

I don't know what to say if/when she contacts me. Right now I would simply ask her "Are you ok with the lies you told me?". I'm glad I posted here instead of texting her. I had it queued up but I will delete. Thanks for the input everyone.

 

Mine lied to me too man. It sucks, and tore my heart out. Its only been a few weeks for me, and I am still struggling to move forward. Like you, I wanted to confront her. All I wanted was honesty in the breakup, since we had a serious committed relationship. That said I decided not to confront, and as I write this I still feel it was the right move to make. I decided that as hurt as I am this shows who she is, and that i deserve better. You do too man. Besides, if you come forward and tell her about the drive by you are going to look like a "psycho" in her eyes.

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Mine lied to me too man. It sucks, and tore my heart out. Its only been a few weeks for me, and I am still struggling to move forward. Like you, I wanted to confront her. All I wanted was honesty in the breakup, since we had a serious committed relationship. That said I decided not to confront, and as I write this I still feel it was the right move to make. I decided that as hurt as I am this shows who she is, and that i deserve better. You do too man. Besides, if you come forward and tell her about the drive by you are going to look like a "psycho" in her eyes.

 

Hey Newbuck, I'm sorry to hear you're in the same boat. Thanks for the words of encouragement. You are right in that we both deserve better. All I wanted was honesty too and that's what I thought she gave me. Up until the very end, she was always open with me and I thought I could trust her with all my heart. Maybe she was just trying to spare my feelings. But we are both adults (in our 30s) and were talking about travel plans and possibly moving in together soon. I expected more from her...

 

Take care man and best of luck getting back on your feet. Although I am not proud for driving by, I feel after tonight I can move forward without thinking there is a chance to rekindle. She burned that bridge and I don't think I could ever forgive.

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Forgive yourself, amd realize that you are prolonging your agony by doing things like driving by. Youre not the only person to do something like that. Sometimes the "need" to know something overrides rational thought. I'm in my 30's too man, lived with my ex. We are in the same situation. I can say that in the last week I'm starting to feel better about things. I'm eating again, can go at least a little time without thinking about her - and how it ended between us. Its hard when you have planned a future with someone and it gets ripped away. Life isn't fair, and so we move on. I still have miles to go before I'm totally over it. I know I will get there, as will you.

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Hey you have all the right to be hurt ! It hurts like hell when you find out your ex has moved on to someone else. I went thru the same and learned the best way to move on is to be silent. She may be happy today but it may not last, in the meantime just take the time to heal. Don't stress life is to short to think of the one you thought was perfect for you, as time goes by you will think differently.

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