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ODD behavior after breakup.....please help..short thread!!!!!!


Timahani

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I was hurt really bad by someone who I trusted. There was a huge fight. I finally stood up for myself in front of everyone...and the other person got the hint that I would not put up with his abuse at all! Never again. Anyways, that person has now repented and has honestly changed his behavior towards me like 180 degrees I really do care for him as a person and share a strong bond with him....my only problem is that: sometimes he blows hot and cold alot...He always speaks , hugs me, but He still refuses to spend quality time with me. Also , he has broken promises like 4x to come by and say Hi or to spend time with me..........He doesnt talk much, he doesnt provide excuses, He just says sorry (respectfully).

 

Do you think that He is suffering from guilt? That he knows what He has done and perhaps feels bad and prefers to remain distant?

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Agree. Not interested.

Losing someone in your life who you shared some good times with is difficult and painful --its time to suffer through that and let go of this guy.

If you say "you won't tolerate that kind of abuse" then that means not going back to him...which would be the opposite of "not tolerating" it. Even if just as friends....do friends get to treat you like crap but not boyfriends? That would be an unclear boundary. When you don't tolerate something, you walk away from it with little regret. Any pain as a result of walking away is worth not tolerating BS and holding yourself to a high standard.

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He's a bully, you stood up to him and good for you doing so BTW, he now respects you. But he also knows he can't put one over on you, so he keeps you at arm's length. Just because he's not picking on you doesn't mean he's a good person or deserves more chances. After the 2nd time he flaked on you that should have been it. Drop him and move on, because although he's being nice to you he's still trying to exert some sort of control by doing little passive aggressive things like promising to get together and then not doing so. You don't need this, so finish the job you started of standing up for yourself and distance yourself from him for good. You will realize one day you're just better off for not having him in your life.

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Oh yes! I stood up bigtime to him...The reason why his behavior is so confusing is because...I never invite him over...Never......He initiates all contact...but doesnt follow threw.......He always tells me he luvs me.....and that he wants all my contact info when i move.......He told me.....are u trying to sneak and move out without telling me. literally......i just stay my distance but i try to be amicable.........Arent I suppose to forgive....if someone is truly trying to change?

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Forgiving someone is about you. It is your process of letting go of something. It doesn't make someone change.

 

He always speaks , hugs me, but He still refuses to spend quality time with me. Also , he has broken promises like 4x to come by and say Hi or to spend time with me..........He doesnt talk much, he doesnt provide excuses, He just says sorry (respectfully).

 

If he realizes he has not been nice to you it might mean that he feels he shouldn't be hanging out with you. He can't spend "quality" time with you if there is no quality in the time!

 

Also, i don't get why someone says "yeah, i'll hang out with you sometime" and the other person think it is a "broken promise" when they don't. A broken promise is when someone promises to look out for a child after the parent dies and doesn't, or promises to love honor and cherish in marriage and divorces someone. saying "sure, i'll take out the trash" or "yeah, lets get together" and doesn't " is someone who doesn't have time or doesn't want to do it. Its not a tragedy. I think you want WAYY more out of your relationship or friendship than they are willing to give and I would just let them be. Don't ask them for "quality time". You have said your peace/

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Actually....Its easier for me when someone completely Hates me or Luvs me...its Easier to heal when signs are clear......and theyve moved on.......It almost seems as if He wants his cake and to eat it too...and hes not ready to totally give it up...but for my sanity..im going to have to walk away......someone blowing hot and cold is not healthy for me.

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At abit broken...we used to hang out 24/7....and he lives close to by and his friends are my next door,neighboors...he would tell me...hey tomorrow do u mind if i come over at such and such time ...no,show....two days later..hey,im coming over after work i promise....no,show....next day....im sorry for not coming over....shy didnt u confront ms about this when u saw me 4 times this week....blah blah.....i told him that his behavior is not indi,ative of that of a true friend....but I NEVER INVITED him over like I,used to...so I think it is about CONTROL and him wanting to passively hurt me....cuz he knows he can't get to me the other way.

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Actually....Its easier for me when someone completely Hates me or Luvs me...its Easier to heal when signs are clear......and theyve moved on.......It almost seems as if He wants his cake and to eat it too...and hes not ready to totally give it up...but for my sanity..im going to have to walk away......someone blowing hot and cold is not healthy for me.

 

Its not healthy either to tell someone off and then being upset that they are not giving you quality time. I mean, which way do you want it?? He doesn't seem to want his cake and eat it too. He barely spends time with you - where is the cake?

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Mhowe doesnt mince words, which is not always what we want to hear, but it's often what we need to realize. You're either in or you're out, no in between!

 

Life isn't black and white...there is much grey and compromise.

 

But tell me...what happens when you compromise respect?

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@mhowe you shouldn't come for my self respect...youre right!

 

@abitbroken...the cake is: all the kisses hugs he gives me everytime he sees me.....the cake is when he tells me how much he loves me...which is atleast 4x a week...he has stopped by and had dinner with me several times.... so when he behaves like that and then breaks promises I then get confused........ but I do understand where you're coming from....

it's just time for me to make a move and to make changes.

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