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NC Day 2 … kind of.


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Firstly: I have decided NC means NC unless it's about our dogs, which we have shared custody of. And that I would not instigate any texts, will simply respond one for one; unless of course, it's an emergency related to our dogs.

 

Yesterday was day 1 of NC. The day prior I told him that I loved him but respect his decision in moving on, to which he said thank you and knows it must be hard for me. I wanted so badly to tell him more, that I wish he would come back, but I let him have the last words and tried my hardest to keep myself busy. So day one came and went. Today he was supposed to pick up our fur babies, and even though I didn't say a thing, I was secretly waiting for him to text me on the time. I had planned what the day would work out like. I would get off work, do my hair, put on a little makeup, maybe even wear something nice, and when he comes over I'll just pretend like this is how I normally look / dressed whilst I put frosting on the cake I had just baked.

 

So the cake is baked. I was about to bathe the dogs before I got ready, estimating the time when he'd be done with final (around the same time his evening class ends) … but then he texts me he's not coming and rescheduled for Friday, the day of his last final.

 

I feel so pathetic, but he doesn't know that. So now I'll just eat this cake by myself.

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What love life?

You broke up...you said you understand... but you don't...and you are trying to manipulate your ex by pretending to be someone you are not.

 

I didn't say God...I said the universe...and simple laws of attraction and physics are at play.

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You broke up...you said you understand... but you don't...and you are trying to manipulate your ex by pretending to be someone you are not.

 

Technically, I am making this cake for someone else. I figured it would just be a bonus for him to see that.

 

 

I didn't say God...I said the universe...and simple laws of attraction and physics are at play.

 

I didn't say you said god. And the laws of attraction are not so simple.

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Broke up....accepted it. Shows dignity.

NC except for dogs.... again, dignity.

Bakes a cake, dresses up with make up and @to wash dogs...attempt at manipulation and denial.

 

BTW...my dog lived for 17 years. The "shared custody" is just a means of trying to stay connected.

At some point, he will just give up picking up the dogs.

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Bakes a cake, dresses up with make up and @to wash dogs...attempt at manipulation and denial.

 

For the record, I was going to bake a cake anyway for someone else, AND I was going to a get together with this cake. Sure, I attempted to do all this and hoped that when he picks up the dog he will see it, if nothing else just to show that I am in fact doing something with myself aside from sitting around on my arse crying over spilled milk. Who here has never hoped or secretly desired to run into an ex at the most opportune moment, where we look great, is on our way to some event, etc. I'm not special. I am human. I do need an ego boost, even if it's just temporary, because every little bit helps the moving on.

 

BTW...my dog lived for 17 years. The "shared custody" is just a means of trying to stay connected.

At some point, he will just give up picking up the dogs.

 

BTW we have had these dogs since they were puppies, and sure it's a way of staying connected, but it's also a mature way to not split them up just because the parents didn't work out. If the situation changes, one of us moves out of state for example, then we can visit the issue, for the time being, we have had shared custody since we separated 7 months ago, while we tried working things out, and so this is just something that's been done and is being continued with, albeit the only difference now is that he has started dating someone new.

 

I appreciate the brutal truth, but a little kindness would be nice; especially from a community of "healing after a breakup or divorce."

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Then let me kindly tell you this...the new gf will likely put a stop to the doggie visits.

Why...because of the "dress your best and fake an attitude" that she hears about when your ex tells her...You should have seen Ingenue..make up, dressed up nice"

And she will explain that the show was for him...and she doesn't trust your motives.

 

So, the "game" of the past 7 months is about to get new rules.

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Why is everyone so rude on this forum? The girl just had her heart broken. This is supposed to be a place where people help out. And yea we can be honest but not that rude and brutal.

 

Thank you. I can take the brutal truth. I also appreciate the empathy!!!

 

I know it hurts hun but stay strong and try to keep away from him. He will only regret it on his own terms.

 

A part of me wants him to regret it on his own terms, and yet a part of me hopes that he is happy and that this new woman will not hurt him. It's complicated, the reasons and ways he started dating her. I don't want to think too much into it, I just want to concentrate on keeping myself busy, staying productive, and making myself happy. In time, if it will work out for us then great. If not, at least I will be a stronger person.

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Then let me kindly tell you this...the new gf will likely put a stop to the doggie visits.

Why...because of the "dress your best and fake an attitude" that she hears about when your ex tells her...You should have seen Ingenue..make up, dressed up nice"

And she will explain that the show was for him...and she doesn't trust your motives.

 

So, the "game" of the past 7 months is about to get new rules.

 

If she throws a fit, then that will only play against her.

 

My motive is simple: I will be a better, stronger person for myself. If he sees it and realizes it, then great. Sooner or later, I will no longer care whether or not he does. Of course, and keep my pups together.

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I did not say she will throw a fit.

What I said was he will mention your demeanor...and she will tell him he is being manipulate d.

 

But...you know him best. Carry on with your plan.

 

I do know him. At this point, and the foreseeable year(s) to come until her rose colored spectacles wear off, I will know him better than her. Now that she's in the picture, I know that the rules have changed. Like all things, the rules will evolve, and I am no exception.

 

These little silly games I play out in my head of our encounter, etc… I know won't get me anywhere; so while it's nice to dream up the Hollywood ending, the probabilities are slim. Still, a girl can dream. The positive thing is that, while I am disappointed, I am noticing the pain is a little more dull. The hopes are still there, obviously. But the pain is not as bad.

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Mhowe I know you mean the best but sometimes being blunt as you are being now does not help people.

 

As for you Ingenue, I know it's hard now but things will get easier. The first weeks are the hardest but time will start to fly from now on. Stay positive, you will get through this and someday you will look back and think "thank god we ended".

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Mhowe I know you mean the best but sometimes being blunt as you are being now does not help people.

 

As for you Ingenue, I know it's hard now but things will get easier. The first weeks are the hardest but time will start to fly from now on. Stay positive, you will get through this and someday you will look back and think "thank god we ended".

 

Thank you! Thank you so much.

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Mhowe I know you mean the best but sometimes being blunt as you are being now does not help people.

I disagree I feel sometimes we need some brutal honesty in our lives because when we are in such a vulnerable state, we lie to ourselves. I think it was a tactic to help her see the reality of her actions from a third person perspective, and how likely it will be interpreted by OP ex's new GF. Devil's advocate, if you will

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I disagree I feel sometimes we need some brutal honesty in our lives because when we are in such a vulnerable state, we lie to ourselves. I think it was a tactic to help her see the reality of her actions from a third person perspective, and how likely it will be interpreted by OP ex's new GF. Devil's advocate, if you will

 

To a certain point Mhwoe is right, but being straight blunt and rude does not help. OP stated that she knows what is going on and she is trying to move on. There is no need to be the "harsh truth bringer" in this case.

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Who here has never hoped or secretly desired to run into an ex at the most opportune moment, where we look great, is on our way to some event, etc.

 

Guilty, but the fact is you just need to move on. Besides they usually run into you looking great and feeling happy when you no longer care, because you're with someone else and all that effort is for him/her--not an ex. And the whole shared custody thing, what is with that anyways? Can't you both agree who gets what dogs and just be done with it, it's really not helping either of you just to move on. And it's not usually great for an animal to be shifted from one place to another on a constant basis, not even dogs.

 

I know breaking up hurts, you are moving on and that's tough sometimes but those of us who've been through it are looking at from the other side so to speak. I don't think anyone's trying to be mean, but we are going to give you our honest opinion even when that hurts or seems harsh. From my own experience I can honestly say trying to look nice for an ex is a waste of good makeup. Focus on making yourself look good for you and for going out with your friends and having fun.

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I disagree. No one deserves brutal statements. We have all been heartbroken and being mean to someone when they're down is not the way to go. You can reach out with the same message with nicer words. I know how much it has helped me when people have been kind to me that day whether they knew my situation or not. Point is, we came on this forum to feel better and to seek advice. I know I'll never be harsh to someone during a hard time because I wouldn't want it done to me.

 

Spread the love.

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I disagree. No one deserves brutal statements. We have all been heartbroken and being mean to someone when they're down is not the way to go. You can reach out with the same message with nicer words. I know how much it has helped me when people have been kind to me that day whether they knew my situation or not. Point is, we came on this forum to feel better and to seek advice. I know I'll never be harsh to someone during a hard time because I wouldn't want it done to me.

 

Spread the love.

 

Oh, for heaven's sake! This is just silly IMHO -- clearly the OP was trying to look attractive for her ex, and clearly the dogs are being used as a manipulative ploy to keep him in her life! There's no shame in it and OP isn't the first one to use dog custody this way! People do it all the time.

 

I'm sorry to be blunt with my opinions, OP -- but there is SO MUCH support available to you here. And part of that is to help you identify ways in which you're not being fully honest with yourself. No one here has a horse in this race -- no one! People only post here to help YOU, because we've all been through it and know how much it hurts.

 

I really must agree that the dog situation should be resolved. I'm a huge rescue dog/rescue cat/vegan type person.... but seriously they're not kids. You DON'T need to share custody -- because this contact you have with him is going to eat you alive and keep you from moving on. I really think you're using those dogs to keep your hooks in him, sweetie. Cut him off cold turkey -- if he misses the dogs, that's his tough luck for breaking up with you.

 

Try and consider going No Contact. That means no more in-person contact and no texting, no calls, no internet -- blocking him on Facebook and all social media. The goal is to create a bubble of safety around yourself, so you can start to heal from the shock of this breakup, with no new incoming information or exchanges with your ex. You can't continue to stick your hand in the blender and expect to heal at the same time.....

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

 

Check it out, it will help you understand why going No Contact is what needs to happen now -- for YOU.

 

Just my take, feel free to disregard.

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