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Hey, everyone, I hate to post a new thread as my first post on here (as usually I try to just jump in and give advice on other forums), but I am feeling the worst level of fear I've ever felt in a relationship...

 

You see, I met a brilliant guy named Dave (I'm Will) who is funny and loyal and kind-hearted and protective and...well, everything I always wanted in a man with his flaws included. He's twenty one years older than I am, though, (I'm 19. He's 40) and I think he's going to leave me. It all started on a Monday night when a friend of mine send a screenshot of an old profile Dave had on a dating app. Obviously, this clearly upset me, but what made it worse was the fact that I am incredibly insecure and always have been. And once I confronted him, it started a rough patch with us because he felt like he was being unfair to me by dating me (To make it clear, he was not cheating- he just never got a chance to delete it, even though he stopped using it months before he met me). And during this time I started therapy because I saw what my insecurities could do to us and didn't want that to happen. But I also made a mistake...

 

I created a fake profile in the days that we barely talked and started sending him a few messages on there. He never responded, and we made up. Then, a few days later, he figured out that it was a fake profile and replied to the messages, all the while texting me at the EXACT same time to drop hints that he knew... Needless to say, while I already felt extremely guilty about having done that, this amplified it to the point that I just came clean with him because I didn't want any secrets between us and I really, really love him... I'm ashamed of what I've done, and when I came clean, he was very upset. We didn't speak at all that weekend. He revoked my access to his Google Calendar. And two weeks later, I'm here... I've been trying to give him space and keep hope, and he's started being better about talking to me. But the last time I asked to spend time with him, he ignored my texts about it (like he did when we went through our first rough patch). He told me when this all went down that he needs time to rethink about what he wants in terms of us, and despite the fact I've been going to therapy and trying to get myself better for me so I can work on us with a clear mind, I'm scared less he's going to leave because he hasn't given me an answer yet and that stupid profile hasn't been deleted despite the fact he flirted with me today and even went "Awww" when I mentioned cuddling...

 

I just wish I could go back and stop myself from creating that stupid fake profile... I feel terrible, and I've been trying to make it right. I know he loves me, but I don't know if his love for me is enough to make him stay... What do I do?

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Nothing. You have come clean and apologized.

 

Continue working on your insecurities in therapy and share this incident with your therapist.

 

And learn. Testing someone, accusing someone based on your insecurities will result in just what you see --- the other person re-evaluating whether they

want to be with you. No one likes to be manipulated.

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What do I do?

 

Forget the profile. If he's not using it it's none of your business.and you have no right to expect him to delete it.

 

Keep on with the therapy, because the insecurity is gonna cause you pain if you don't get it under control.

 

Apologise (if you haven't already), let him know that it was a momentary lapse and that you are working on your insecurities, then make sure that both hold true.

 

And make a commitment, here and now, to always be honest with him in future.

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I understand what both of you are saying and thank you for taking the time to help me. :S

 

I really want to make things right with him if he chooses to stick around... I admit that I was crazy and obsessive about it and not showing him any trust at all. And I've been hoping to kind of use it as fuel to help push myself harder in my therapy.

 

As for apologizing and letting him know it was a momentary lapse, he already knows. I apologized over and over and over when it happened (I was actually crying because I felt so bad) and explained everything to him. And then when we talked after that weekend, I explained it a little more clearly than before and began to apologize to him again, saying that I never wanted any of this to happen (which is true- I've been trying to just go with the flow our entire relationship because I care so much about him) and he stopped me saying that he understands what happened and knows that I'm sorry and knows my intentions. He said, though, that even though he trusts my intentions, he isn't sure whether he can trust if it will get the best of me again or not. To this, I told him I plan on doing my best to show him it won't because words are just that...words. :S

 

So, I'll follow your advice and just keep trying to give space and work on my therapy, although I'm pretty sure my doctor is hinting that he doesn't think it'll work out for Dave and I... :S

 

As far as commitments, though, I made one to always be hones the very night I came clean to him. Hearing how disappointed he was on the phone and then reading about how upset he was on Facebook (He created a status in the heat of the moment and deleted it after about fifteen minutes) really put into perspective for me how horrible I was to him by being dishonest... I just want to make things right and always show him for the rest of our lives that I will NEVER treat him like that again....well, if he chooses me that is. :S

 

Thank you, again.

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I'm not sure about that, as it was never a problem for us in the past. I'm the type that was always focusing more on working and things beyond my peers. I guess that's what originally led me to not really ever have many people I considered friends. :S Dave is the type of guy, though, that is fun loving and can be random, so we've been able to joke around in the past and tease each other. But yet he's still serious in what he wants, and he knows what I want, as well. As trite as it sounds, I'm already decided on exactly what I want out of life and what I think a relationship should be. It was really my insecurities which gave me that momentary lapse, though, because I've been hurt a lot in the past by guys. I was never into the short-term dating- just wanted to find someone to settle down with and share a life with. :S

But I guess anything is plausible...

 

EDIT: I guess what it really comes down to with that profile's existence is what it always meant in the past with other guys...which I know is a dis-service to him by comparing him so I've tried not to. It was that one night which made me crazy. :S

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