Relationship Woes, Just needed to get it out there

[yeahyeahyeah1]

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. My problems began a few months into the relationship…

 

She alternates between fits of anger and anxiety with self deprecation and attention seeking self pity. For example flips out and throws a fit because she cant find her keys. Declares that this is the worst day ever and that her life is terrible and nothing goes right for her. Then a little while later seeks attention and validation, says that people don’t want to be around her. This occurs on a daily basis. She goes into fits about the tiniest things, there is no way to prepare for it. A towel, her hair not falling the right way, ice on the ground. Simple things. Just about everything really. She slams doors, throws things, yells. I sometimes wish that she would just hit me so I would have a concrete excuse to leave. I used to live in constant fear but now that fear has turned to anger and lately ambivalence.

 

She picks fights, is constantly grumpy. Honestly it is like trying to please a teenager. No, she doesn’t want that for dinner. No she doesn’t want all of the dozen other options you gave her. She picks fights with me, criticizes me to no end. Most of the time I just try to sit there and take it because standing up for myself is just not worth the inevitable storm She invents problems and conflicts with coworkers and just about everyone in her life. Most of the time she is lying, really embellishing situations and conversations with people. She invents conversations that we had! She takes her anger out on strangers and has started to become really racist and hateful towards the world.

 

I do all of the cooking, cleaning, I walk and feed her dog every night. And I don’t even want a dog! I do these things because they are too daunting for her, and really I don’t want to “feed the beast” any more. It is just easiest if I do everything. She has pushed me to my limit and is just all around emotionally exhausting. When she can sense that I have had enough, she turns on the pity party, says how sad and stressed she is (well duh) and even if she makes me frustrated with her constant iness and bad attitude, I don’t even have the opportunity to be upset (which I rightfully should be) because I am comforting and reassuring her. No dear don’t cry you are wonderful.

 

And yet I stay. I am the fool for staying. Aside from her I like my life. I like her family. I like everything except her. I know that I should leave, though I am not ready to let go of my life as I know it. My family isn’t close by and I don’t have any friends to confide in, just a few casual work acquaintances. We haven’t had sex in months and quite frankly I don’t want to. I’ve seen such an ugly side of her for so long that its just made her unattractive. I don’t trust her with my feelings at all and our relationship is very one sided in terms of emotional support. So here I am, writing it down for the first time ever.

 

And yet, I almost feel guilty for divulging this. I like to think of myself as a kind and warm person, whom would never say a bad thing about anyone, especially the person I still somehow, foolishly love for some reason. Perhaps it is my own issues keeping me there…the need to take care of someone or just low self esteem. I used to be very happy and most of the time I am when she is not around. I keep a secret stash of cigarettes for the really bad days and the other times just eat my feelings. I have gained 20 lbs since we have been together.

 

Thank you for reading my novel, it feels nice to get this out. Plenty more where that came from…

[mhowe]

"Aside from her, I like my life".....well, yes, Mrs Lincoln --- except for that, did you enjoy the play?

 

You need to leave. There is nothing about her to remotely like, let alone respect. You have not relationship. You are cohabitating and being treated like

a servant. Read up on co-dependency and then make a plan to HAVE a life, and move out.

[Edmund Exley]

She has a lot of growing up to do. She has no business being in a "big people" relationship.

 

And you need to get a handle on how relationships work. One person isn't supposed to be a slave to the other. Its about bringing equality to each other.

[LoveStudent76]

You absolutely need to Move On!

 

It sounds like your girl is throwing tantrums like a little child. If she can't handle the little 'hardships' in life, how is she going to manage big real world situations later on in life? This woman has no idea what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship. She is clearly quite selfish and does not care for your well being.

 

Break up, Move on, all that good stuff. You deserve better my friend.

[DancingFool]

It's really unkind to her and to yourself to "feed the beast" the way you've been doing. You are acting like a really poor parent who fails to let their kids grow up and fend for themselves. That's not good.

 

You need to leave her. She needs to learn how to live her life on her own and do things for herself. Right now, she has no reason to because she has you to dump on and to take care of her at the same time. She has no reason to improve herself or grow as a human being.

 

Being alone is a million times better than being stuck in something like this. If you need to feel needed, go volunteer for something and fill that need in a healthy and worthwhile way. Don't do it by staying in this kind of a nightmare.

[SooSad33]

You have been dealing with this... for 3 yrs? Wow- give you credit.. but yah.. why have you stuck around this long??

 

Don't feel 'guilt' for anything. You have taken her 'blown out emotions' way too long. She does need to lighten up big time!

Grow up fps..

 

I say now? Low self esteem. You deserve more credit than this. Sounds like it's all about her and she's never thinking of you, does she?

 

When I make a meal, most will eat what i make. they dont get the choice. If there be a mess of THEIR shoes? They can fix that. I do enough. Some respect & taught to help is a good thing.

BUT your lady is supposed to be grown up now.. what's her problem?

 

Seriously, you have had a lot of immature attitude thrown at you... are considering walking away from this soon?

I think it's time.. as you've come here about this concern.

 

How about you move back to the area of your family again? Is this possible and start anew.

[lukeb]

I would at the very least start taking responsibility for your own happiness rather than blaming all your unhappiness on your girlfriend. I can't really say much more, but it all seems a little easy to blame everything on her.