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Really need help. Breakup - feeling lost. Advice needed, please, someone.


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Hi Guys,


I'm new to this forum. My name's Kirsty, 26yrs old, I work in Marketing and live in the UK. Kind of a long story, but here goes:


I met my ex over a year ago. We were together 7 months previously. It didn't work out because he wasn't over his ex and wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Although we had feelings for each other, we couldn't move forward until he was ready so I respected this and we ended things. We have mutual friends and tried to stay friends. Over the next 6 months a lot happened. We still messed around, with a lot of feelings floating around from both of us. Then before I went on holiday in August I gave him an ultimatum. Either we start fresh together or we don't. He messaged me everyday of my 18 day holiday, same as always with us - lots of banter, and getting along like the best of friends, flirting etc. The day I got home, he came round and I could sense a change. We started dating again and everything went really well. 3 weeks ago he said he wasn't ready for committment, could we stay friends and who knows what will happen in the future.


I've had time to think. In my opinion we never discussed what happened in the 6 month period we weren't together, the hurt etc. We didn't really close that period off and have a fresh start. We were together, broke up, messed around, then were together again. We never really had closure and a new beginning.


Since the breakup we have text most days, hung out with mutual friends, hung out just us. Then this weekend is where I messed up. He was going to come round on Sunday and help me decorate. On the Saturday we were texting, I said I was off out into town (dancing / drinking). I didn't text him all night, then I get a text saying "Your ex is ugly and can't dance loL" - so he'd gone from no plans, to being out where I was and sending texts like that. I was out with some male friends. He saw me and one at the bar, gave me a nasty look and shoved past me. I was quite drunk, and this upset me. He then went and sat with a girl who I know is a friend of his - nothing else. Long story short, one of my exes cheated on me with her so I am not her biggest fan - and said current ex didn't know this. She was flirty with him, knowing I was watching. I made the mistake of when he was on his own going over to him. He said something, so I pushed him, not hard, and said stay away from me. And walked off. I instantly regretted it. That's not me - emotions were running high and I'd had too much drink. He then text me that he hoped I'd die and burn.


Yesterday I had a text about some joggers he was missing which were at mine. I asked if we could talk about sat - how sorry I was, but he hadn't apologised for what he had said. He told me I stood no chance of an apology, I messed up and he didn't want to be friends and to cut ties.


He made similar-ish threats in the 6 months we weren't apart.


I just want some help and advice on how to get him back. When we are together everything really is great - I wouldn't fight so much for someone I love if it wasn't. Friends say how great a couple we are, but I feel when we have broken up he turns into someone different. Like Jekyll and Hyde. Since we ended he keeps asking about other guys etc - it's like jealousy/insecurity is ok from him....but not this one time from me.


Do you guys think he is just angry and needs time to cool off? Do I do the no contact rule and wait from him to contact me now? He is someone I've always felt things were different with, like there was a future, and a spark that I can't explain. I can always be 100% myself with him. The last text I sent yesterday in response to him was "You have to do what you feel is right, and if that's hating me then maybe that is the right thing. But I have apologised a lot. I hope you have a great holiday, xmas and new year. Take care x".


Please somebody help me - I don't want to lose him. I really feel in my gut this is something I need to fight for - just in the right way. Without coming accross as desperate.


Please someone help me.

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It is hard to lose someone you never really had. It sounds like he has never really been committed to you and has one foot out the door. You all never even got back together. I think he has left you twice. Time now to let him go. You need to cut contact completely.

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It is hard to lose someone you never really had. It sounds like he has never really been committed to you and has one foot out the door. You all never even got back together. I think he has left you twice. Time now to let him go. You need to cut contact completely.




I think it doesn't help age wise. He has only turned 23 (In November) part of me feels he is not mature / ready to be in a serious relationship. As it does feel that everytime we get really close, and are bf and gf again that he suddenly freaks out. I know we have both been very hurt in the past and have those demons to get over to fully be with another person again. I do feel like there is something there and worth fighting for. But mayeb it's best to wait and see if he contacts me?

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Ohh wasn't he nice! Geeze...


He's all negative & sounds childish and selfish!

I dont think he's angry & needs to cool off. I think YOU need to back off.. away from him. Do YOU really think you need this or can handle this? This guy sounds like he's far from anything re: relationship worthy. , honestly!


I think, after that break up before.. is when you got to see the 'real him' and what to expect now...

Take another look at what you said here... for someone who you're so into sends YOU a text saying 'burn & die'. I would surely be leaving that scene!


Take some good decent time away from this guy and take a better look of whom you've become involved with...seriously.

Put your HEART aside and use the brain for this one.


Don't be 'sorry' for what you said/did. As he was treating you in a nasty way when you first broke up.. right?

Can't say he is a 'good catch', at all, sorry for your pains- but you DO deserve better treatment than this!


I'd have NO more contact with him.. he does need to grow up and DEAL with himself and his past.

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I see two possibilities:


1 he played you like a fiddle with the ex card saying he is still hurt, cant commit right now but gave you false hope on purpose so he could use you for sex.. typical player. A bloke used this card on my cousin for 2 years about an ex hed split with 5 years previously and she stupidly believed every word.. she was suicidal over that p**ck.. (long story)


2 he used you as a rebound to get over his ex and now hes over her ready to find love but not with you coz he lost all respect for you when you let him treat you like crap..


sorry its harsh but either way i dont think this guy is worth it and its time to move on

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