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OK me and my now ex partner have been communicating regularly after the first week or so of splitting up, some good some bad.

I've made a few gestures of gifts that I know will mean something to her, and wrote her a letter apologising for things I may have said and letting her know how I feel.

 

I was loosing hope, but today I dropped in to leave a birthday gift for her dauggter , much to my supprise I was welcomed in and I stayed for a few hours, we talked about what we'd been up to and all was good.

 

Before I left I asked her if she still loved me and she said she wasn't sure... Later I got a txt saying that she was sorry but she was scared to give me another chance.

 

She suffers with depression and anxiety and is starting counseling soon... I think she blames me for her depression at the mo (but she's been suffering for a long time before we met.

 

Any suggestions how to proceed, and what kind of chance do I have in you guys experience?

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You need to move on; if she goes into counselling, it will totally change the dynamics of any relationship you have and if it's successful she will not be the same person. Unfortunately, as she grows, she's unlikely to be more amenable to your attentions.

 

Cut all contact with her and concentrate on your own healing and building up a life for yourself where she's not an important feature in it. You also need to acknowledge that giving her gifts is a kind of bribery, given in the hope that it will rekindle her affections. As mhowe says, this really doesn't work - and will make her respect you less.

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It's a mistake to stay in communication after a breakup. Your ex is probably happy to have you around as a platonic friend because it helps her move on and get over you without having to fully face losing you.

 

What you see as baby steps toward getting closer.... is actually you just holding her hand while she gets ready to move on and find a new boyfriend. You should be disappearing from her world and putting the focus on YOU.

 

And yeah, stop with the gifts, the gestures, the apologies -- not good.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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