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[M] I don't enjoy BJs?

throwaway3

By throwaway3
in Sex and Romance

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throwaway3 Newbie

throwaway3

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This is a throwaway-account because I don't want my girlfriend to know this. Even if the possibilities are very very low.

 

As the thread name suggests I do not enjoy the BJs I receive from my girlfriend for some reasons. I especially wrote "from my girlfriend" because I was able to give myself BJs when I was 16 or so (please don't ask me how, I was just able to do that once) and I came immediately.

 

My girlfriend and I are 23 now and she has been giving me a couple of BJs during the time we have been together (2 years). But whenever she is giving me a BJ I don't really enjoy, or rather I can't really come by her just sucking it. She really puts a lot of efforts into it, even until her jaws are hurting her and I just tell her to use her hands instead. She is the only one I have received BJs from, so I can't really compare. (except for me giving myself a BJ once before)

 

Could it possibly be a mental thing? If so, I tried to close my eyes and think of some porn stars which didn't really help either.

 

Or is it because her mouth is relatively small?

 

Or maybe it might be because I got circumcised at the age of 20? Does anyone else share the same experience and might have some suggestions that could help me with this problem?

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shelty24 Apprentice

shelty24

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Just sucking isn't enough. She needs to use her hands too. Maybe you need it faster or slower.. and it should be really wet. Tell her to try and do it differently next time.

 

the way my bf likes it is kinda unusual. Figured it out by accident.. i don't really apply much pressure at all with my mouth and only focus on the head of his penis with my mouth/tongue.. i then use one hand to wank him while using the other on his testicles.. i kinda stop and start continuously with my mouth like suck stop suck stop etc kinda fast

 

he cums within minutes this way

 

just experiment until it works

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BigKK Collaborator

BigKK

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Just sucking isn't enough. She needs to use her hands too. Maybe you need it faster or slower.. and it should be really wet. Tell her to try and do it differently next time.

 

the way my bf likes it is kinda unusual. Figured it out by accident.. i don't really apply much pressure at all with my mouth and only focus on the head of his penis with my mouth/tongue.. i then use one hand to wank him while using the other on his testicles.. i kinda stop and start continuously with my mouth like suck stop suck stop etc kinda fast

 

he cums within minutes this way

 

just experiment until it works

 

doesn't sound weird! You're doing it right

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ParisPaulette Rising Star

ParisPaulette

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Meh, maybe it's just not something you really enjoy? I think sometimes the porn industry makes people have more expectations about certain sex acts than are the real truth in life. I've been in relationships with guys who were not into BJs at all. One in particular comented, "Why on earth would I want that when I have you right here with me willing and ready to have sex? It's stupid." Doing it at the age of 16, well I don't know if that counts so much as a BJ as pleasuring yourself and bluntly put at the age of 16 with the raging hormones it doesn't take much to begin with. You get older, you find out what you like, you find out what you don't like.

 

Why not just use it as a foreplay method rather than a means of getting off? Or if it's a source of stress just shelve it all together. It's ridiculous to try to keep getting pleasure from something it sounds like neiher of you really enjoys. Stop trying so hard and just enjoy each other in bed and do the things that bring you joy.

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Robin2904 Community Regular

Robin2904

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Well a good BJ is more then just mouth stimulation. There should be some hand action, moving up and down, sucking licking etc. She may just not be hitting the right points to get you off. Being circumcised at a late age may also play a role in it. You do lose sensitivity from it. The most sensitive area of the penis is the head, maybe she isn't paying enough attention to that area. Combined with being circumcised you just aren't getting to that point of release from what she's doing.

 

Everyone is different though. I have had ex partners tell me I gave great BJ's and have clearly enjoyed it, but I was with someone a few months ago who just could not get off by oral stimulation. Try as I might (and I sure tried) he just wasn't into it. He kept telling me to suck harder and harder and add more pressure and I thought for sure my jaw would fall off. I was a little bothered by it, but realized that we're all different and didn't take it personally. BJ's may just not be something you enjoy anymore, especially after circumcision.

 

Its up to you on how to proceed. I would be honest with her if I were you. Don't make it about her, tell her you enjoy it very much and she is great, but just say you aren't able to get off. Maybe you can work together to mix it up a bit so you can. I really believe sex should be enjoyable for both people, other wise I don't think you should be doing it. If she loves you she will be patient and understand and work with you so you can both enjoy it.

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throwaway3 Newbie

throwaway3

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Thank you guys for replying.

 

No, I'm not gay.

 

It's true that it has been bugging me quite a lot, thinking that I need to enjoy a BJ and be able to get off by it. It's been bugging me to the point that I felt bad for her, making her think she isn't doing it right. I do tell her that she's doing well and that I do appreciate her efforts though. (Since she has been trying different techniques continuously)

 

So yeah, once again, thanks for your help.

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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Not everyone likes the same thing... things one person thinks are fabulous, another person might find awkward and excruciatingly tedious/annoying.

 

For example, some women LOVE oral sex and can't come without out. And other women have such a sensitive clitoris, that oral sex is painful and uncomfortable and it is unpleasant. And some people just don't like the idea of a face in their crotch.

 

So everyone is different. You don't have to enjoy BJs, and in fact MANY women hate giving them and would rejoice if you didn't like them and want them and told them they could stop. So there is nothing wrong with you or her, you're just no loving BJs.

 

Here's what you do with your GF. You just start being honest with her. You tell her that you just don't particular enjoy BJs at all, and would prefer to focus on other types of sex. If she freaks out and asks you if she's bad at it, you just say no, she gives it her all, and it is YOU that just doesn't enjoy them so it is better to be honest and just not do them. Tell her it puts a lot of pressure on her to do them (and to keep doing them because you can't come), and it puts pressure on you to pretend like you like them when you don't. So better to spend your time doing something else that gives you both pleasure.

 

Your relationship needs to be strong enough to withstand honesty as continuing down this path will just create more anxiety and unpleasantness for the both of you. So come clean about it, and have fun trying other things rather than BJs.

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Goodfellas Collaborator

Goodfellas

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Neither do I, chum. My current fling is baffled - especially because she enjoys them - as she's never met a guy who DIDN'T enjoy blowies. I just find it degrading and, frankly, get uncomfortable with all that hand/mouth/visual attention down there.

 

However, I did oblige to one with her last we were together and it was faaaaanastic! So, I may be turning over a new leaf with this one especially because I know it revs her engine, too.

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shelty24 Apprentice

shelty24

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OP circumcision does not decrease sensitivity. That is a lie. Years ago doctors made a lot of mistakes. They sometimes took a nerve away under the head of the penis which was not supposed to go.. and this resulted in no feeling down there-no orgasm..

 

It rarely happens now and if you enjoy sex and hjs then this has nothing to do with the operation.

 

Maybe the issue is psychological. You could try seeing a hypnotherapist to relax you more during oral.

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mhowe Proficient

mhowe

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I think some men have the madonna/whoooore complex when it comes to bj's. "Good girls dont" --- or at least shouldn't!!!

 

For all the men out there --- it is just a spectrum.

 

Some love it.

Others enjoy it, but will not orgasm.

Others --- meh.

And some just don't.

 

To each their own.

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B4551C Rookie

B4551C

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It's hard for me to get off by the female sucking alone. I usually have her suck the head, and pump the shaft with her hand(s). Every so often I like if she tries to suck it all the way down, but mostly I like the hand/mouth combo. Also I like when she makes eye contact while performing this service, something about it seems so sexy. I'm not a huge fan of BJ's but BJ prior to sex is awesome because it makes you more hard, and also in some cases you can actually be up to 1/2'' longer.

 

Try experimenting different ways to make it feel good for you, and don't be afraid to tell her what you like, and what you don't like.

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