I have dated the same person for 13 years, I have finally learned my lesson.

[IhaveCtrl]

So as I sit here after 3 months of being broken up with ( I knew that it truly wasn't what I wanted) by someone that I loved in a way I could not express to her. To her, I am sorry for that. We were together for a little over 2 years. I am looking back at not only this relationship but my dating experience, I am 33 by the way. I have had 4 long term (longer than a year) relationships. Each one better than the last but what I failed to do is learn from any of them until now.

 

I hope that I can be of some help for anyone who is going through a rough time in life right now after a break up. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life. I have had the sleepless nights, still do. I have that emptiness in my heart and if you have never had it, there are no words that can describe it. You feel like every aspect of your life is falling apart and everyone is against you. Your self esteem not only takes a shot but it gets obliterated by the impact of your once flourishing love and plans for the future with someone that are now a fleeting memory due to the rejection. You don't even know how you make it through each day, how do you even get out of bed and the greatest question of them all is WHEN WILL THIS END? I can't answer that, I can only say that it will stop hurting when the pain goes away. I believe and it has taken some time to let this sink in but after reading it enough times I am starting to believe it; that you grow the most when going through immense emotional pain. You are growing in a way that you could never have grown had you not gone through this adversary that you are facing in life right now. I know that these words aren't comforting and I know the pain is still there and it will be like I said until it goes away. I won't lie, I have wallowed for 3 months now and worried about what she is doing and who she is seeing and look where it has gotten me. I liken it to the old saying, worrying about someone else is like rocking in a rocking chair and expecting to go somewhere. I have not moved forward much and I am to blame for that. I am sure we can all at some point admit that we haven't really been taking care of the person that matters the most and that would be yourself. I have been so caught up in her and watching her move on I haven't been able to move on or start to heal myself.

 

I consider this the first day of no contact since the day she said she didn't want to try anymore. I have already gone 30 days of NC in which she has tried to contact me a couple of times. I finally replied to one of them after the 30 days. I'm sure you have heard it a million times, it isn't worth it. It didn't change how she felt, it didn't change our situation and to be honest I am glad it didn't. I need to go through this in order to be the person I want to be so that I can find the person that is looking for a person like me. Now I know a lot of you have lost all interest in a lot of things you used to do before the split, even mundane things that made you happy and I know doing them now only reminds you of your ex and you should be doing these things together. Well you aren't and probably wont ever again, sorry but that is the truth for about 99% of us and until you truly believe that, you will always have that shred of hope that will hold you back from truly moving on and meeting the person you are supposed to be with. I was in a place that hurt so bad and I didn't know how I would make it through. My belief is in God and that is what has gotten me through this. So whatever your beliefs are believe in that and know that in the end it will be ok and if not ok then it's not the end.

 

 

I consider myself a pretty strong person. This has shaken me to the core. Do I still struggle with this everyday, you bet I do and I wouldn't be human if I didn't. Do I think about her a lot, of course. She was not only my girlfriend but she was my best friend and in that I lost myself in her and regaining myself back after 13 years of relationships that I have never truly dealt with is a task in itself. To those of you struggling each day just remember that you will get through this when you are ready to move on and worry about you and only you, be selfish. The best rewards in life don't come easy. Just think when you are rewarded with the relationship that you have always wanted you will look back at this point in your life and say as hard as it was it was 100% worth it.

 

So after dating myself for 13 years I am finally learning some lessons. I cherish the relationship her and I had and I will always have a place for her in my heart. I know for me to truly move on I have to have faith and know that everything happens for a reason and usually for our best interest. It is a uphill battle and it is getting easier to go up that hill now that I am on my two feet and have started that journey. When you think it could never get better just wait one more day, and keep doing that until one day you realize that it truly is getting better.

 

So IhavCtrl over my happiness and my future and so do you. No one owes it to you to make you happy you need to do that on your own.

 

If you only take one thing from this I hope that it is knowing that you will make it through this and come out a better person on the other side.

 

Best of Luck.

[FindingClarity]

I agree. I'm also nearly 3 months into a breakup. I still want him back but am starting to get a glimmer that it wouldn't be the best thing that he contacted me again. My mind is having a fight with that though.

 

I have done so much thinking, reading, writing things down as I have ever done in my life though and really starting to see how my life has gone and why I am the way I am and the reasons I have done things. I really feel I'm on the road to becoming a better person and hopefully having a better life. Maybe one day I'll meet someone else too, though I can hardly bare to think about that yet.

 

I hope you find happiness too.

[nohopeatall]

I had three LTR and each last more than 2.5 years. The last one I was actually married for 1.5 years when we split. I am only 29 years old now and I know I still have lots of chance to meet the right person. I was in a very bad situation a year ago. It's been a year since my divorce and now I am back to my normal me almost. The pain still there sometimes, but it's getting better everyday. I completely agree with what you said. I have never grown up as much as I do now from the divorce experience. I did lots of self reflection and found out lots of flaws in my personality. At first, I was always blaiming myself but now I figured out things all happened for a reason and might be the god wants me to wait for the true guy to be with me. Keep moving on and live your life, and everything will fall in their right place when time is right and when you are ready.