Jump to content

BF yells, calls me names and hangs up on me


Justagirl19

Recommended Posts

Been going out for almost 3 years. Im 28 he is 39. We have had PLENTY of ups and downs. No cheating, but there have been a few encounters with other females getting in the way. We do not live together. I have 2 kids of my own, not his. He knows and loves them but not really a kid kinda guy. He doesnt have any. We have been seeing a therapist for the past couple months but we both have such busy schedules that we only go about 2 times a month. It hasnt really helped much that i can see.

 

My trouble it with a particular situation that happen last night, we talk every night about our day. He works all day until about 8pm and by the time he gets home and eats and showers and all that he gets in bed and calls around 10pm. He called and told me this girl he knows from before we met called him (who i met a couple times when we first started dating). To give you a little background on her, i guess he knows her from before, they were always friends and used to talk on the phone ALL THE TIME. and i eventually got sick of them talking all the time and her calling him so, i told him, to tell her, to stop calling. We saw her at the bar one time shortly after that and i guess she told him, she has always wanted to him. He told me she said that. That was about 3 years ago. Have not heard from her since, and no issues. Then last night i guess she called him. Left a voicemail saying she saw this other girl we know, who is pregnant, at the grocery store, and she felt dizzy and fell and hit her head and was taken by the ambulance. And she doesnt know how to get a hold of her and wanted to see if she was ok. Which is totally outta the blue and just doesnt seem right. after 3 years, why would she call him to try to contact that other girl??

So I said, why cant she just look her up on Fb? Or find another way to get a hold of her?? He then started getting all pissed off and starting yelling, saying "im not gonna call her back!! She said she was only calling for that!!! I never respond to her messages or voicemails!!!" which now makes me think she has called and text before and he is not telling me. I asked why he is yelling at me and he said (yelled) "you never trust me!!! and im sick of this, im tired and im going to bed!!! i dont need this !!!!" and hung up on me.

I waited about 10 mins to calm down, called him back and asked if i really deserved that. He answered the phone with "WHAT?!!" then proceeded to yell even louder "YOU TREAT ME LIKE !!!!! I DONT NEED THIS , YOUR ALWAYS A TO ME!!!!" and i said what? im a ?? (as im now crying) and he said "YES YOU TREAT ME LIKE A ING AND NOW IM GOING TO BED AND I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE DURING THE WEEK CAUSE ALL YOU DO IS STRESS ME OUT!!!!" and i confirmed, you dont want to talk to me during the week anymore??? "HE SAID YES THAT'S WHAT I SAID, DID I STUDDER???!!" and then he hung up.

I cried the rest of the night. Then got a text this morning say "it hurts that i cant even count on my own girlfriend during the holiday season at work (its busy where he is) have a great week!

I have not responded. I feel like, if i EVER talked to him that way, he would leave me in second. I would never yell and cuss at him like that and call him names and then hang up. Especially after i just got done telling him some dude that i used to talk to just called me. So i need to know what to do. christmas is around the corner, my family has invited us all over. He bought the kids Christmas presents but i feel like if i keep letting him do this to me, its never gonna change. i need advice. Did i over react? should i ignore him? should i talk to him about it? i don't know. He didn't even say sorry to me for yelling or cussing or hanging up on me. its not fair.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 62
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Yes, you over-reacted. If you trust him then who cares if another girl, who he has not spoken to in 3 years, calls and asks him for someone else's number? It sounds like you don't trust him and are insecure in your relationship. Which you should be, because anyone who talks to you like that and is extremely defensive like that usually DOES have something to hide.

But let's get to the MORE IMPORTANT part:

Your kids.

Your kids are you. Literally and figuratively. They are an actual part of your blood and body and personality. If he's "not a kids person" he's not a YOU person.

Don't do that to your kids.

If someone isn't 100% into my daughter, they're not into me either and I'm not into them. Doesn't make them a bad person...just not a good fit for my family.

Don't do that to your kids.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Didnt realize i couldnt put cuss words. The names he was saying was B****. and F****** B****. And Yes it is unhealthy and im so weak. Ive tried to leave him before and i get sooooo lonely and I cant keep busy with anything like friends or going out, cause im always at home with my kids and dont have money for anything. So i go to bed at night and i just cry, missing him. And the weekends come and i know he has money and friends and he occupys his time with going out and having fun and forgetting about me, while i sit at home alone depressed. Its so easy for him to leave and get over me, cause he can do these things but its very hard for me on my end cause im alone all the time and all i do is think about him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your comepletly right and i know that, maybe im just selfish in a way? I know that my kids deserve for their mommy to be at her best and a lot of the time im not because of this relationship. But when i try to leave im sad and depressed and thats not good for the kids either. I lost.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So you are with him because he has money?

 

No, im just saying that he has money to be able to go out and occupy his time with things. He goes out to the bar and to movies and shopping and buys toys to keep himself busy and keep his mind off me. I cant do that because im broke and cant just go occupy my time with doing things. And of course the kids have to be to bed at 8 or 9pm on the weekends and then im alone and i know thats just the beginning of his exciting night out, so i lay there alone knowing he is out with friends drinking and having a grand ol time while i lay in bed alone and sad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you want to piss away your own life and be miserable that's fully within your right...UNLESS you are a mother. Then you need to pull up your pants and do what's right for your kids.

Get a grip. He's a jerk, you know he's a jerk, he has fun without you because he doesn't value you, he calls you names because he doesn't respect you.....and you'll stay and be miserable for how long? 5 years? 10?

I'm sorry but my compassion and empathy run thinner when kids are involved. They can't speak up for themselves and when their own mother won't make decisions in their best interest it impacts their whole entire lives for the rest of their lives. And when they ask you later in life you're gonna tell them "I'm selfish"??

They deserve better from you and you need to get out of this situation so they can have that. It is your CHOICE to have a toxic nasty relationship, but it is their RIGHT not to be subjected to that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He is 10 years older than you with no kids. His choice.

You have 2 kids...your choice.

 

It is fair...there are many single moms that break up.

Focus on making it a wonderful Xmas season with your kids.

Decorating the tree...making cookies. Time spent together is more valuable than money spent anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think your very naive. There has been issues with other women before, this one pops up out of the blue after 3 years, he then gets all defensive and verbally attacks you when you question him. That is a sure sign of guilt. You say there is no cheating but i think there is and you should wake up and open your eyes..

 

Its easy to think he must be a great catch to have all these ladies swooning over him and its not his fault that he gets attention but that is complete denial. Nobody gets attention like that unless they go looking for it.. if other women are a problem then its because of HIM-he is the problem-not them!

 

I know men in relationships who are gorgeous, who have everything going for them and have no issues finding love and they don't have women showering them with attention regularly coz they don't go looking for it. They are trustworthy but your guy is not

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah and i dont wanna be naive. I dont wanna get played and walked all over. He plays these mind games with me. treats me like crap and then when he is lonley and misses me, he starts being all nice and saying nice things to hook me again. and i always give in. I just have to stay strong and no contact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your right. I needed to hear that. I really needed that. thank you so much. I'm going to print this out and keep reading it. I cant believe ive been putting my poor innocent kids thru this.

 

To add to that spot on post, I think you should plan to stay single for quite a while, possible until your kids are out of the house. What you tolerated from that guy and that you were attracted to him in the first place is a symptom of a much bigger problem within you that will take a lot of work with a therapist to understand. Until you do that, I think there a very high chance you'll end up with a similar guy and it will turn into a similar relationship. Your kids are only going to be young and need you lIke they do now once. Getting involved with men until you've done the therapy will not serve them well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is there anywhere you can take your kids and go for awhile until you get yourself settled? Stay with your parents maybe? I had a bad breakup a few months ago and I had my ex husband come take our daughter for the afternoon and just cried and cried and cried...let it all out. She doesn't need to see me like that.

I like the suggestion of making this a special holiday for your kids. You can do crafts with them, play puzzles with them, decorate stocking or gingerbread house, make cookies....all of those things are cheap and show that your kids are your priority. This guy makes you feel like you aren't really there...focus on making your kids feel like they're REALLY THERE!! They'll cherish that feeling and it will make up for ANY tears shed over this d-bag. Seriously....you'll see. Kids are healing...their love is magic. You'll heal in half the time you would if you didn't have them. Take a day to cry while someone has your little ones and then vow to never speak to him again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Look, after 3 years he should have really bonded with you and be working towards living together with you and your children as a family, and instead he maybe calls you at 11 at night then on weekends goes out partying rather than living a settled life with you and your children.

 

This is going nowhere... he's 'visiting' you sometimes, but he is not living like a man who is really committed to you or your children. After 3 years he should be proposing etc., and if he's not doing that and still living like he's a single guy partying all the time with his buddies rather than sharing a meaningful family life with you, he is not interested in getting serious wtih you and never will.

 

I suggest you work on devoting yourself to making a happy holiday for your children, and forget about this tyrant. So he's now not even calling you during the week, and is out partying on weekends. So he's really not with you anymore. Time to respect yourself and your kids and find a man who wants to blend his life with you and your kids as a family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

To add to that spot on post, I think you should plan to stay single for quite a while, possible until your kids are out of the house. What you tolerated from that guy and that you were attracted to him in the first place is a symptom of a much bigger problem within you that will take a lot of work with a therapist to understand. Until you do that, I think there a very high chance you'll end up with a similar guy and it will turn into a similar relationship. Your kids are only going to be young and need you lIke they do now once. Getting involved with men until you've done the therapy will not serve them well.

I think i have realized that i will need to be single now until many years down the road. I just cant do this to them again. its not fair, i know. Yes i need to get my self into therapy. Its hard without insurence. I have looked into many resources but none that are free.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am in no way condoning his behavior but wanted to point out a common issue in situations like this. You've made the truth uncomfortable for him. He was truthful in telling you this person called and why she called. You responded by asking him to explain why she needed to call him for that. He cant answer that because she's the one who did it. You let your own insecurity rule out what may have been an actually honest situation.

 

When someone comes to another with truth, and then they are made to feel its still their fault it then becomes a damned if I do, damned if I don't feeling for them and they become defensive. Especially if he has been respecting your wishes and not talking to this person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

YES exactly what i have been thinking this whole time. I wasnt sure if i was being too overbearing wanting all that, but yes after 3 years, it should be engagment or at least living together. He spends a couple weekends with me and needs a break. Or over the thanksgiving holiday, we spent a little more time at his house than normal and then on the weekend he needed an alone night. And went out to the bar. He says the kids are just so much to handle and he didnt know it would be this hard when he met me. geez.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am in no way condoning his behavior but wanted to point out a common issue in situations like this. You've made the truth uncomfortable for him. He was truthful in telling you this person called and why she called. You responded by asking him to explain why she needed to call him for that. He cant answer that because she's the one who did it. You let your own insecurity rule out what may have been an actually honest situation.

 

When someone comes to another with truth, and then they are made to feel its still their fault it then becomes a damned if I do, damned if I don't feeling for them and they become defensive. Especially if he has been respecting your wishes and not talking to this person.

 

Huh? If he'd been respecting her wishes and not talking to her why did he answer the phone? There's only one way you can not talk to someone. Halfway don't cut it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...