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whileidream06

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I met my husband about 3 years ago, we have been together 2 1/2 years an married for 2 months now.

After being together for abou 10 months. I broke things off. He was on deplorment at the time, so he did not tale it very well. His first thoughts was I was cheating an how could I do that to him while he was away. But that was not the case, my grandmother who was like a mother to me was an did pass away. I was spending so muchtime woth her an so uspet, he was trying to talk every day an my heart just wasn't there at the time an it was not fair to him. After calming down he understood an was still therr for me an supposrtive when she passed. He came back in january, by febuary we were back together I relaized I loved him very much, I missed him, an he was the best thing that has happen to me. I couldn't let him go.

Things were good for a while up till fall (this is 2012) he was dping a million things, army, civilian work, coaching football, an school. Stress really got to him an he took it out on me, causing us to fight A LOT. I then found out he was talking to an old flame he use to hook up with in college talking abpu t going to a halloween party to see her, an he wasn't going to tell me (mind you this girl knew about me but didn't care) an they had xchanged sexual comments. I saw this after halloween. Now I do know he didn't go becase he stayed home with me, but it was the fact that these things were said that was hurtful. I forgave him, things got a lot better. We got engaged that christmas, an started planning our fall wedding in febuary. By july the stress of the wedding an both our familys were getting to us an we were back to fighting constently. I then saw he had been getting on a dating website talking to othet girls who lived in the area an giving them his phone nunber an caring on conversations. At this point I was thru, I thought how dare you, I'm planning our wedding that u r not helping with, an your going out talking to other girls. I started calling off the wedding feeling like we were not ready for it. Many apologize s an mever doing that again, wedding was back on. He let me watch him delete the profil. An things got much better. After the wedding things were AMAZING he was doing things like sweeping floor an mopping taking charge things he normally didn't do. It made me feel so comfterable knowing that he was growi mg up an taking our marriage seriously.

He went away to trainging last week. He was with a bunvh of younger boys, one of which was married. They were going out drinking an partying every night till 1-2 in the moring. I lost it. I told him it was out of character for him, that it was irresbonsible an disappoiti ng for a man of his rank as a role modle to these young men annthat he was not the man I married, by Friday moring I calmed down an told hik I'd see him saturday night when I picked him up. All firday night he kept texting me how he couldn't wait to see me an how much he missed me, he said the same thing all day saturday.

He feel asleep early saturday nihht, round 1030 his phone goes off. I was on it taking a picture of something I saw the name, it was a girl name katie, that I had never heard before, I saw that they had talled on the phone as well. I tried to get info while being him eventually I told her who I really was, an I got lucky that sje was very nice to countine talking to me. Katie informed me that my husband never told her that he was married, he never came off to he as some one who was in a realtiinship, that he was not even wearing his wedding ring. This was friday night, the whole time he was with her texting me he couldn't wait to see me, texting katie all day saturday an texting me. I was heartbroken. I td him if it ever happened again we woulf not get married its a littlw to late for that now.

He admited that he knowlingly went out without his ring on, an that yes he flirted an exhange numbers willing he, admitted he never told her he was single. They both katie an him admitted nothung happen but a hug. He did tell me the other marriedan he was with was making out with other girls. So I do partly believe this was an enfluence thing parlty now fully.

But it kills me. I take my vows seriously, I am very religious. So I am crushed. I can not get an anulment in my state. I do not rust him anymore. I do not know who I married. What makes me most mad is 1.u were completely fake how dare u baby me I miss u can't wait to see you, all while hitting on another girl an 2. You conplained about how wrongnit is for spouses to cheat on soilders while the are away, when u just did the very same thing only ur the soilder I am the wife taking care of everyting.

I am so hurt. I feel like our wedding was nothing but a joke an I just got slapped in the face , I look at the pictures an I want to vomit, I am so hurt. It has only been two months. I thought things were great. Where I felt lime we tok giant steps forward have become SUPER GIANT STEPS wwwaaaayyyy back. I gave him two options , we eaither do temporay seperation (which was intally what I was just going to do) our couples counsling. He didn't want to separate but he wasn't kean on counsling, he tried to make a suggustion but I told hin no an that he had no right to do so. He wants to do couples counsling........I'm just so undecided. I feel he is going to do this again done the road I have no trust an I sure as heck won't be able to trust him when he is gone. I feel out relatinonship is gone. I'm trying to be nice to him, he keeps coming up an huging me an kissing me saying he loves me, an he waits for me to say it back he wants me to be affectionit back but he understandsan I'm trying so hard here. Bc I do miss him I ahvent been with him an over week I miss him being in the bed an I miss cuddling him, but no....no u hurt me. I am trying to be strong an tell my self we can make it pass this but I don't believe it... . I just don't know what to do.....I do believe he has never done anything sexual. Usually when he busted he ends up telling me everything. He is a great guy he is nice, an I know he doesn't thinksometimes but iits to much this is the third time, an I'm glad that we don't have kids right now......I just need some adivce I'm stuck anhurt, if not advice just someone to share there thoughts our experience

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Well, I'm sorry, he's a cheater and has a long history of cheating from what you say here. Your problem is you believed his words rather than his actions and what the evidence was telling you.

 

It is time to cut your losses and file for divorce, otherwise you will be doing this again and again for the next 40 years. Please do not make the mistake of having children with this man or tying yourself to him any more than you already have. The second he cheats like this, he's broken his vows, and you have no obligation to stay married to him. and you have learned a hard lesson here, that words are cheap and people can lie to suit their purposes, so you have to trust your evidence rather than just pretty words and promises. He did give you ample evidence he was a cheater beforehand, but sadly you ignored it. Lesson learned!

 

btw, there is an extremely bad prognosis for marriages where the person cheats in the first couple years. i doubt counseling will help. He didn't even make it to 2 months before cheating! And he's NOT a nice guy if he takes off his wedding ring and deceives not only you but also other innocent single girls who don't know he's married. He's a horrible liar and a cheat.

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Your story is very sad. Your partner betrayed your trust over and over again and yet you allowed this continue. It is time you stand up for yourself. You have two choices...accept your husband cheats on you this is the life you chose...or leave him and find a partner that will treat your respectfully and not cheat on you. You have many years ahead of you, perhaps a family, do you want to spend it with someone who clearly does not respect you as a partner? What is with this "he is a nice guy" stuff? Is it NICE to text other women and lie to your wife? That NICE stuff is lies. It's time to smell the roses...this guy has got to go. I know it seems like a huge ordeal but u can get through this. 5 years from now you will look back and be so thankful you closed the chapter on this relationship...that's my two cents.

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This ^^^^ @lavanderdove is perfect advice.

 

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

"I'm trying to be nice to him, he keeps coming up an huging me an kissing me saying he loves me,"

 

You have to be strong, not 'nice' right now. don't focus on how do you feel about him. You married him because you love him, but he is a cheater and you don't love his behavior, or his lies. Deep in your heart you don't trust him anymore.

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Almost seems like YOU have to be his 'mother', trying to keep him out of 'trouble', but that shouldn't be.

He should be acting much more trustworthy, but actually sounds like he's broken that more than once. He is not respecting YOU In the least.

Sadly- you have given him MANY chances. I would have been out long ago- at least NOT agreeing to marry someone like that- but sadly, you did.

 

Sure, he's a 'nice' guy and all. I'm sure he is.. BUT.....

 

I'm just thinking that this is just a bit too much, for you & your stability, trust etc. I do feel he has ruined that to the point, you should separate and he can get what he 'deserves'!

 

As for this act of ' I love you' whenever he gets caught, I don't think so! Not with his continous crap & girl chasing.

 

Like YOU said.. next time, you feel you cannot 'trust' him. I dont blame you. You've given him plenty of chances now to 'show you', but now, that's long gone.

 

For your own self, I would walk away from this. ( didn't know there's place you cannot divorce?). For reasons such as this, can it not be 'considered'?

 

I am sorry you've had to go thru such crap, with someone you came to love. I Know, that hurts!

 

tc

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Strike 3 and your still there. Your husband is a serial cheater and please don't be so naive. He has physically cheated on you-likely numerous times but you just have not caught him yet.. he has no morals, no loyalty. You have caught him trying to cheat on you 3 times in 2 and a half years and he will continue to do so..

 

a lot of men in the army are sex addicts. Its "accepted" behaviour amongst soldiers to pay prostitutes, visit strip clubs, have cyber sex online, go out looking to get laid etc and many of them do this. They have been doing it since they joined and the men above them actively encourage it. They make no secret of it and even think its "normal". That is why I am always so astounded when I hear another woman has married one..

 

he proved to you very early on that he could not be trusted, you ignored all these red flags, hoped he would change and married him. For that reason I am finding it difficult to find empathy for you. You need to divorce him. Its very simple or prepare for a future with a man you will never be able to trust.

 

And no him leaving the army wont change him, counselling wont change him, a new house or new baby wont change him before you try. This is who he is. He doesn't see anything wrong with what hes doing and he thinks he can just say sorry, buy you flowers and tell you he loves you and you will let it go

 

he saw doormat written all over you. That is why he married you. You make him look normal to the outside world, you clean, cook and look after his home but you don't give any consequences (leaving him) when he hurts you so for him its a win win. Your there keeping the bed warm if he cant find some other skirt for the night and he knows you will let him crawl in. Sorry if this hurts you but this IS how he sees you. He has no respect for you, no empathy for your feelings and doesn't really love you

 

And im sorry for being harsh but when you try to fix someone or think you can change them-this is what you get. Find a man who doesnt need to change and you will have what you want

 

and never do long distance again. Men who travel cant be trusted. They choose that occupation for a reason-so they can live their double life and put on their fake "nice guy" act whilst at home

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I'm sorry to say, but the guy is a chronic cheater who wants a girlfriend/wife at home while he runs around and has his fun. He's shown you repeatedly what he is and what he will do in spite of his promises and pleas to change. But since cheating is its own form of lying why would you give his words any credit? He uses an excuse of "stress" but seriously that is just an excuse. Besides if it were the "reason" then he will always cheat on whoever he's with, because there is no such thing as a stress-free life, there just isn't.

 

I say get out now before you have children and are trapped for good with a man who lies and cheats and has been doing so since before you got married.

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Well i have been on a forum for a long time and every thread i have read so far about deployment etc involves cheating.. i drew my own conclusions. I dont need statistics to back up my own personal opinion. I am not stating facts-giving an opinion. That is the point of offering advice on a forum-you get to see a wide range of personal opinions

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Well i have been on a forum for a long time and every thread i have read so far about deployment etc involves cheating.. i drew my own conclusions. I dont need statistics to back up my own personal opinion. I am not stating facts-giving an opinion. That is the point of offering advice on a forum-you get to see a wide range of personal opinions

 

When you state it as fact, no, it is not considered an opinion. You may have just read the threads about deployment that involve cheating; there could be lots of other threads in other sections of this forum in which a person is in the military and does not cheat.

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