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A Woman's Inbox in Online Dating. Mind = Blown.


John John

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Right now I'm not really taking online dating too seriously. I'm just looking for fun. Take from that what you will.

 

My date last night was very candid with me and showed me her inbox. Just in the last 24 hours, she had received 150 freaking emails, and had 750 from the past week!!! Some of these guys were good looking, but would just say something to her like "hey cutie," to which she told me she wouldn't respond. I was shocked that I even beat all these guys out for a date (remember, I'm competing with a lot of quality guys in NYC for these good looking women). She said to me "yeah you're cute, but I also felt from our online convo that you are a decent guy and also have a brain."

 

The takeaway from all of this (as far as I'm concerned)...holy f#%k, women get a sh#t ton of emails. I mean, I had heard about it, but had never actually SEEN it. As a guy, I'm happy that I average a handful a day!!! lol wow...

 

The date went very well. She just moved here from Mexico. Kinda looks like Sophia Vergara (well, not THAT hot, but extremely cute, totally not my type), English isn't that great. She's very witty though. It was fun

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I can agree with this. When I was doing online dating, it was seriously like a second job. I would sit down at night and try to sort through some of it. I would get nasty messages from guys for not responding to them, but there were just SO many messages and new ones pouring in all the time. My IM would have like 5 convos up at once, it was super confusing--who I had asked what about, who had told me what. There were weeks where I seriously had a coffee date with a different guy, 5 days of the week, scheduling was a real problem. Luckily my husband was one of the very last few I chose to go out with before I canceled that thing... It was overwhelming.

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Initially, especially, the numbers can be overwhelming, however at the end of the day you really only end up with a handful of decent men worth going on dates with. Most of those e-mails are basically either trolling, scammers, things like "hey sup" or just plain "want sex you 2?" Sooo....after you delete all the garbage.....you are then left with, oh he is married, separated, has 10 kids with 10 different women, looking for a woman to support him, looking for a woman to complete him since his wife failed... Once you sift through all the terrible profiles and red flags, you are really down to slim pickings in terms of decent men. What she said to you about seeming decent.....well....that puts you in a desirable minority and so you shouldn't be surprised you get dates.

 

Lots of contact doesn't mean quality by any stretch of imagination. There were many times when I would go searching for and contacting matches despite having a ton of e-mails in my in-box. It's never about quantity, it's about wanting to meet the right guy.

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It really depends on the woman, the city, and the length of time she's been online. I have some friends, cute but not models, live in mid-sized cities, online dating for a few years, who might get 2-3 messages a week.

 

I wouldn't generalize for all women.

 

I suppose you are right. She did say she just signed up about a month ago...so I guess a lot of these guys are trying for their first time to get her attention. After she ignores 99% of them, you have to figure only a select few will follow up. And I agree, it probably does depend on location. NYC is very population dense...which makes for tons of options but unfortunately a lot of flakiness.

 

 

What she said to you about seeming decent.....well....that puts you in a desirable minority and so you shouldn't be surprised you get dates.

 

Yep, it's pretty crazy. And frustrating. Good for you, though, for making it through the pre-screening!

 

LOL I honestly am still shocked though. I just could not believe the massive number of emails this girl was getting. Even during our date, so got like 15 messages!!! I even responded to a few and scared them off lol. Some of these guys were like 6'2", good looking, seemed decent, had careers...my mind was totally blown!

 

I can agree with this. When I was doing online dating, it was seriously like a second job. I would sit down at night and try to sort through some of it. I would get nasty messages from guys for not responding to them, but there were just SO many messages and new ones pouring in all the time. My IM would have like 5 convos up at once, it was super confusing--who I had asked what about, who had told me what. There were weeks where I seriously had a coffee date with a different guy, 5 days of the week, scheduling was a real problem. Luckily my husband was one of the very last few I chose to go out with before I canceled that thing... It was overwhelming.

 

I remember if I met my ex right as I was going to quit link removed. I keep hoping something similar will happen this time around. lol. Yes...even for me, as a guy, online dating is almost like a second job. It's really annoying after a while, honestly.

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Here's what I would take away from this -this person most likely is insecure and wanted you to see how wanted she is (and of course you have no idea if her inbox is accurate -for all you know these are people she knows sending her emails -could be a game she plays with all her dates so she can "show off" her inbox) - and I wouldn't be overly flattered that she "picked" you - most of the men who messaged her were simply doing one liners to tons of women on the site and you have no idea what percentage of those she actually spoke to much less planned a date with.

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't see her again - I'd just see her behavior as somewhat concerning.

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Here's what I would take away from this -this person most likely is insecure and wanted you to see how wanted she is (and of course you have no idea if her inbox is accurate -for all you know these are people she knows sending her emails -could be a game she plays with all her dates so she can "show off" her inbox) - and I wouldn't be overly flattered that she "picked" you - most of the men who messaged her were simply doing one liners to tons of women on the site and you have no idea what percentage of those she actually spoke to much less planned a date with.

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't see her again - I'd just see her behavior as somewhat concerning.

 

I don't know Batya...she basically gave me free reign of her POF app on her iPhone for a good 30 minutes. I looked at a lot of these guys' profiles, and they all seemed legit. And she literally had like 750 messages, and I also emailed her a one liner "Hey what's up" because she didn't say much on her profile. Maybe she picked me at random? I can't see anyone going to the trouble of creating all those fake profiles to email herself to make her seem "wanted." She's a very attractive girl...she's wanted regardless.

 

As I said, I'm not taking online dating seriously at the moment, and definitely not this girl from last night. She's way too much of a tease and flaky for my taste. Though she did buy me two rounds of sauvigon blanc (holla Savvy!)...lol. If she wants to hang out again I'm down.

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I don't know Batya...she basically gave me free reign of her POF app on her iPhone for a good 30 minutes. I looked at a lot of these guys' profiles, and they all seemed legit. And she literally had like 750 messages, and I also emailed her a one liner "Hey what's up" because she didn't say much on her profile. Maybe she picked me at random? I can't see anyone going to the trouble of creating all those fake profiles to email herself to make her seem "wanted." She's a very attractive girl...she's wanted regardless.

 

As I said, I'm not taking online dating seriously at the moment, and definitely not this girl from last night. She's way too much of a tease and flaky for my taste. Though she did buy me two rounds of sauvigon blanc (holla Savvy!)...lol. If she wants to hang out again I'm down.

 

You have no idea if she is wanted in the right way or the way that matters. I agree that she sounds flaky -if you date her and send her any personal messages understand that she lacks discretion and will show them to whoever wants to see or even if they don't. If you're looking just to have fun with her then sure -I didn't know that was your purpose in looking on line.

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Here's what I would take away from this -this person most likely is insecure and wanted you to see how wanted she is (and of course you have no idea if her inbox is accurate -for all you know these are people she knows sending her emails -could be a game she plays with all her dates so she can "show off" her inbox) - and I wouldn't be overly flattered that she "picked" you - most of the men who messaged her were simply doing one liners to tons of women on the site and you have no idea what percentage of those she actually spoke to much less planned a date with.

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't see her again - I'd just see her behavior as somewhat concerning.

 

Could be clever and super manipulative too. The OP is flattered up to his ears and beyond. It's really quite an effective tactic to make a guy feel like he is "special" because she chose him out of all those options while at the same time making him fear losing her to competition. For any guy who is maybe a little weak or a little insecure (not talking about OP, just generally speaking) it's certainly something that would totally make him chase hard and hang on for dear life and give her anything she wants.

 

Kind of reminds me of a date a long time ago where the guy went on to tell me how I'm the only woman he's asked out in a year - he is just that selective. Bleah...my ego is a little better centered than to fall for something like that.

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I can see what you guys are saying. Perhaps she does do that as a game...I can totally see how some girls would do that. I don't know. But I wasn't taking her seriously from the get go...I would never date this girl seriously. POF is just a hookup app to me. So no skin off my back either way

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Honest MJ , it is like that for women ...it soon dies down a bit ..but any one of us could do a profile now and we would be innundated with attention . You have to look at the qaulity of that attention though !!!!

 

MJ. Michael Jackson? LOL...don't know how we got that from MCJD...but I think it's hilarious that people now associate me with Michael Jackson.

 

Excuse me while I update my avatar. LMFAO!

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MJ. Michael Jackson? LOL...don't know how we got that from MCJD...but I think it's hilarious that people now associate me with Michael Jackson.

 

Excuse me while I update my avatar. LMFAO!

 

I know ...I was just glad it wasnt just me hahahaha you have been michael jackson too long for me to be thinking differently now hahaha

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It really depends on the woman, the city, and the length of time she's been online. I have some friends, cute but not models, live in mid-sized cities, online dating for a few years, who might get 2-3 messages a week.

 

I wouldn't generalize for all women.

 

I have no problem generalising this. Women overwhelmingly get more emails than men. Every single woman I've met, known, talked to on this subject can easily demonstrate this. What gets tiresome is listening to some, not all women complain there is not good men out there. So they have this incredibly large pool from which to pick relative to men and still feel hard done by. A lot of men would love to have these complaints. Online dating is overwhelmingly slanted towards women. Period.

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I have no problem generalising this. Women overwhelmingly get more emails than men. Every single woman I've met, known, talked to on this subject can easily demonstrate this. What gets tiresome is listening to some, not all women complain there is not good men out there. So they have this incredibly large pool from which to pick relative to men and still feel hard done by. A lot of men would love to have these complaints. Online dating is overwhelmingly slanted towards women. Period.

 

So much this. While some women may get more emails than others...yes, online dating is generally very skewed towards women's favor. Some of my boys don't even get emails at all...they have to do the approaching.

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I can agree with this. When I was doing online dating, it was seriously like a second job. I would sit down at night and try to sort through some of it. I would get nasty messages from guys for not responding to them, but there were just SO many messages and new ones pouring in all the time. My IM would have like 5 convos up at once, it was super confusing--who I had asked what about, who had told me what. There were weeks where I seriously had a coffee date with a different guy, 5 days of the week, scheduling was a real problem. Luckily my husband was one of the very last few I chose to go out with before I canceled that thing... It was overwhelming.

 

 

I had one guy about to turn nasty on me today, so I blocked him before he had a chance to do so. Just because he thought I was pretty, that meant that I owed him something? Jeez louise!

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I know ...I was just glad it wasnt just me hahahaha you have been michael jackson too long for me to be thinking differently now hahaha

 

That's ok Shooting Star...

 

My date from last night, is, not my love-uh. She's just a girl...who says that I am the one (that she responded to out of 1000 emails).

 

And the kid is not my son.

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I have no problem generalising this. Women overwhelmingly get more emails than men. Every single woman I've met, known, talked to on this subject can easily demonstrate this. What gets tiresome is listening to some, not all women complain there is not good men out there. So they have this incredibly large pool from which to pick relative to men and still feel hard done by. A lot of men would love to have these complaints. Online dating is overwhelmingly slanted towards women. Period.

 

I think this is confirmation bias, which is the tendency to believe information that confirms their beliefs. I myself and every single woman that I know don't have that "tons of messages" experience a) at all or b) for very long.

 

And as another female poster said, messages do not equal 'good men.' 200 messages of "I want to lick you" or something like that aren't conducive to a healthy relationship.

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200 messages of "I want to lick you" or something like that aren't conducive to a healthy relationship.

 

Guys actually email out of the blue and say this? Um...yuck.

 

I'm just imagining some of these emails you ladies get as if they were delivered by guys in real life at bars or parties...they'd probably walk away with a drink spilled on them or slapped upside the head.

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Guys actually email out of the blue and say this? Um...yuck.

 

I'm just imagining some of these emails you ladies get as if they were delivered by guys in real life at bars or parties...they'd probably walk away with a drink spilled on them or slapped upside the head.

 

I got a lot of references to sex in first messages, yes. Also, got a lot of "Hi, u r pretty."

 

I don't know what's worse ... the lack of a substantive message or the bad grammar.

 

I think being behind the mask of the internet emboldens people to say things they would never say in real life.

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I got a lot of references to sex in first messages, yes. Also, got a lot of "Hi, u r pretty."

 

I don't know what's worse ... the lack of a substantive message or the bad grammar.

 

I think being behind the mask of the internet emboldens people to say things they would never say in real life.

 

Hahaha!!! OMG I am rolling!

 

I can't stand it when I get messages from girls that not only use grammar of a 12 year old texting her bff, but also type with EvErY OtHeR LeTteR aLtErNaTiNg BeTwEeN uPpEr AnD LoWeRcAsE. Or, WHEN THEY FORGET THAT THEIR CAPS LOCK IS ON. KIND OF LIKE THIS...to which I reply "why are you yelling at me, you just met me."

 

Online dating sure is a hoot. It's actually incredible sometimes.

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