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Do you ever just say no


kalyanna

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String them along until THEY get fed up? Why on earth would anyone want to put themselves - or anyone else - through that?

 

I know people can get strung along but I wouldn't have thought someone would string someone else along just because they didn't want to say "no" in the first place!!!

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I just say I have a bf.

 

But half the time, people will ask me out in such a way that I don't figure out they are interested until later. For example, I organize meetup events and someone asked me to go to an event similar to the one I just organized. I declined saying I had a scheduling conflict .... I thought it was just another meetup event. After some back and forth, I realized he was asking me on a date.

 

Fixed that real quick.

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String them along until THEY get fed up? Why on earth would anyone want to put themselves - or anyone else - through that?

 

I know people can get strung along but I wouldn't have thought someone would string someone else along just because they didn't want to say "no" in the first place!!!

 

I'm asking not because this is something I would do but I asked this guy out and he indicates interest but never finalizes a date to go out. He says his schedule is very busy. I'm confused because I have said to him if you are not interested or available to go out just let me know and we can forget it but he says he is and then says he has a crazy schedule. Just trying to figure it out. I would just say I wasn't interested - in a nice way of course.

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If at all possible, I'll say no directly, but nicely. However it's always a bit of a judgment call on how well a particular guy will handle it or not. Some guys absolutely will not accept it and just chase harder or even try to force themselves. I've actually been on the receiving end of flat out rage. Some guys are really good at avoiding a no because they will ask you to meet with all kinds of pretexts that have nothing to do with dating and never come straight out with what they are after, so it would be weird if I suddenly burst out with "look, I'll never date you, so stop pretending you need to meet me about business." They never put themselves out there like that, so you just become really really busy and fade instead.

 

Basically, I tend to be direct, but I've learned the hard way that you really have to be cautious about how the other person will receive that.

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I'm asking not because this is something I would do but I asked this guy out and he indicates interest but never finalizes a date to go out. He says his schedule is very busy. I'm confused because I have said to him if you are not interested or available to go out just let me know and we can forget it but he says he is and then says he has a crazy schedule. Just trying to figure it out. I would just say I wasn't interested - in a nice way of course.

 

You are confused because you are choosing not to believe what he is telling you. That said, you made the offer. Leave it.

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I'm asking not because this is something I would do but I asked this guy out and he indicates interest but never finalizes a date to go out. He says his schedule is very busy. I'm confused because I have said to him if you are not interested or available to go out just let me know and we can forget it but he says he is and then says he has a crazy schedule. Just trying to figure it out. I would just say I wasn't interested - in a nice way of course.

 

Actions always speak louder than words. I find that many people are extremely uncomfortable with saying no thanks directly, so they say it with their actions.

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I try to say no politely, but some times the brains aren't on receive.

I am pretty sure some people also string themselves along too.

 

Example:

W: Hey do you want to come down and see me this Saturday.

Me: No thanks. I probably have something else I'd rather do.

W: How about this date?

Me: No, I am as usual too busy and will often be too busy to see you.

A week later of similar Questions.

W: So do you want to get to know me better?

Me: No. Not really, I thought the fact I was constantly busy would be a clue.

W: You were just toying with me.

Me: Bye, and don't contact me ever again.

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I just find it confusing because people always say if they want to be with you they will make the effort. Well, he is flirty and responsive by text but can`t find the time in 1 month to meet with me. I find the signals confusing. If I say, look if you really don`t want to do this let me know then just say I don`t. Is the I`m too busy line just a polite way of saying that.

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I just find it confusing because people always say if they want to be with you they will make the effort. Well, he is flirty and responsive by text but can`t find the time in 1 month to meet with me. I find the signals confusing. If I say, look if you really don`t want to do this let me know then just say I don`t. Is the I`m too busy line just a polite way of saying that.

 

You are confused because you are ignoring that he ISNT MAKING ANY EFFORT. His flirting is nothing more than feeding his ego your with attention. Stop feeding him.

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I just find it confusing because people always say if they want to be with you they will make the effort. Well, he is flirty and responsive by text but can`t find the time in 1 month to meet with me. I find the signals confusing. If I say, look if you really don`t want to do this let me know then just say I don`t. Is the I`m too busy line just a polite way of saying that.

 

There was a time when I would have been confused by this behavior too, but not anymore. Him being flirty and responsive in texts may not mean he's interested -- it takes two seconds to send a text, no effort required. If he "can't find the time" over a period of a month to meet for an hour or two, he's not interested. I re-arranged my plans three times to make time for dates for a guy I was really interested in. That's what people do when they're really interested (unless they're out of town on business or vacation for an extended period of time).

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You are confused because you are ignoring that he ISNT MAKING ANY EFFORT. His flirting is nothing more than feeding his ego your with attention. Stop feeding him.

 

Yep...I used to be confused by an ex's behavior, too, because he texted frequently, and even called sometimes. I thought he wanted to reconcile with me. Nope. He just needed a boost to his ego, and I was providing it daily. YUCK.

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Make it easy on yourself. I'm busy means no, unless I'm busy is promptly followed with, but I'm free for two hours on x day at y time and would really love to see you then. Nobody is busy 24/7 for a month. Lawyers, doctors, executives, all have two things in common - they are genuinely busy people in high stress jobs and they all manage to have friends, relationships and families and are not too busy for them. Next time you keep hearing busy busy busy, keep that in mind.

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i guess I`m always up front with people so I don`t expect them to play games with me and it`s very hurtful. Why continue texting, why flirt, that`s just messing with someone. Guess this experience will harden me for the next person...unfortunately.

 

There is no reason to react that way. You can't expect the world to be exactly like you. It's not realistic. Being able to step outside yourself and understand how other people think and function is building your social intelligence. Granted, some lessons might be a bit unpleasant and hard. Still, helpful to gain an understanding not just for relationships and dating but for work as well.

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Because texting is meaningless and takes no effort. You can do it while on the computer, watching tv, taking a dump.

 

Putting out effort to meet up with someone...takes effort.

If they can't find the time to do it in 30 days, realize you are and will always be, a text date.

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If someone asks you out and you don't want to go - do you ever just say no or do you string them along until they get fed up? Would love to hear guys and girls answers.

 

If I ask a woman out and she says anything but yes, it's a no. Rarely do they just say no.

 

Stringing someone along because you are afraid of how they might react is making excuses for your own bad behavior. Own it.

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I'm asking not because this is something I would do but I asked this guy out and he indicates interest but never finalizes a date to go out. He says his schedule is very busy. I'm confused because I have said to him if you are not interested or available to go out just let me know and we can forget it but he says he is and then says he has a crazy schedule. Just trying to figure it out. I would just say I wasn't interested - in a nice way of course.

 

I thought that might have been the case though I have to admit I thought you meant would you actually go out with them! I think it is possible that some people will say "yes" when they don't really want to because it feels like the easiest option at the time of being asked. It isn't something I would do though I did give someone a "maybe" once when they had become persistent and kept giving me the old "just as friends line.

 

I think all you can do is leave the ball in his court. If he is interested he will make an effort to call you with a date.

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