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What is happening.


tallydoo

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A few days ago, I posted a thread about how to handle ending a first date if I wasn't sure whether I wanted to see the guy again. While that was some really helpful advice, it didn't really prepare me for what actually happened at the end of the date.

 

This is a guy I've met through mutual friends, and we've been on the fringes of the same groups, occasionally having several-minute conversations and precisely one one-on-one interaction. I had no idea he was interested in me until he asked me out. So I thought, sure, I'll give it a shot. He called me multiple times in the week between asking me out and dinner to check in and see how my day was.

 

Fast-forward to the date. It was fine, nothing spectacular. Conversation was a bit stop-and-go, but I attributed that to mostly nerves, and probably some incompatibility as well; I didn't pick up on many mutual interests.

 

Driving back from dinner, I wasn't sure how I felt about him, but I was willing to give it a second date if he asked. So, when we parked to have that conversation, he blurted out that he had strong feelings for me and wasn't sure if I was interested and wanted to know if it was him or if my life was stressful. My jaw just sort of dropped. When I explained how I felt, he asked how to maximize his chances with me and asked if he could call me to talk every so often to catch up; I said sure, but I'd rather meet up and do something like coffee--I don't do well on the phone.

 

Since then, he's called and emailed several times to see how I'm doing, and it just keeps spooking me. I've never had someone pursue me this intensely, and it concerns me that he has such strong feelings so fast. Is this normal and I'm over-reacting?

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No this isn't entirely normal. It sounds like he either doesn't have much experience or he has some problems with general social skills...or possibly both.

 

He may settle down in time. When he asked what he could do to better his chances did you tell him speciffically what you needed and did he at least try to comply? If so maybe you just need to tell him what your needs are now.

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No this isn't entirely normal. It sounds like he either doesn't have much experience or he has some problems with general social skills...or possibly both.

 

He may settle down in time. When he asked what he could do to better his chances did you tell him speciffically what you needed and did he at least try to comply? If so maybe you just need to tell him what your needs are now.

 

I did--I made my feelings really clear, and suggested something low-key like coffee to get to know him better. Phone calls are awkward for me, especially when we live in the same city. So far, he's just been calling/emailing to see how I've been doing and if I've made up my mind about him, with no mention of said coffee; granted, it's been two days since the date.

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Poor guy. He sounds pretty inexperienced. And to be honest, both of you sound awkward. Let us know how a future date goes.

 

I mean, granted, I am pretty inexperienced as far as dating goes--I've generally been friends with the men I've dated, or we've been on the same page interest-wise. So yeah, I guess I can be a little awkward. I just wasn't expecting him to feel quite so strongly when we know next to nothing about each other.

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If you think there's a chance of something happening between you, ask him out yourself and sooner rather than later. The more you spend time just talking on the phone, the more feelings he will develop for you. Meet him once more and decide if you want to pursue this or tell him it's not going to work. With guys like that, there's no middle ground.

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