Jump to content

Caught between two men


janet306

Recommended Posts

I'm a 24 year old woman and I recently met this guy through my friend. We met up for a blind date, and I was unsure whether anything would come out of it. But we exchanged phone numbers and started going on dates. The mutual compatibility and chemistry between us started developing, and a month later he asked if I wanted to make things official (third date). I said yes, but the next day told him I'd like to take things slow instead of rushing. I shared with my mom that I'm dating this new guy (guy A), and right off the bat my parents were unimpressed. My parents had always hoped that I would date someone who spoke our mother tongue. This guy is a different ethnicity than me. At the same time, my parents told me about a son of one of their acquaintances (guy B) who they wanted me to meet. My dad kept pressing me to give this other guy a chance before I settle with guy A. I reluctantly agreed to appease him and not pass up this missed opportunity. I figured it would be a long shot, since there's the possibility guy B wouldn't like me (and vice versa), or his parents wouldn't like me. Meanwhile, I told my parents that i would continue to see guy A while they talk to the parents of guy B and arrange a meet-up. There was a month's delay before I finally met guy B (which I took as hesitancy on their part and lack of interest). Yesterday, both of our families met up for lunch. I didn't get to speak to guy B much, because he was rather quiet and his sister was chatty. I will admit that he is taller and more handsome than guy A though. Later in the day, I chatted with guy A (who is unaware of the guy B situation) and invited him to meet my parents. I've been trying to get my parents to meet him in person for a few weeks and they finally agreed (probably in exchange for me agreeing to meet guy B). Afterwards, I called my mom to confirm guy A's invitation to dinner this week. My mom told me she'd just gotten a call from guy B's parents- and they (parents and guy B) seemed to like me. Guy B's mom was asking my impression of him and whether we wanted to exchange phone numbers.

 

So now I'm stuck on what to do. On one hand, I'd like to give guy B a chance since I haven't really talked to him (and my parents are in favour of him since he speaks the same language and they know his parents). On the other hand, I'm content with guy A and want to continue our relationship. Ideally, I'd like to give both guys a chance (but I can't do that at the same time). I like guy A more because I've known him longer and he's been really sweet and thoughtful towards me. My dad says men's behaviour can change and he may turn out to be a different person after our honeymoon phase. Any suggestions on how I can explore potential with both guys without formally telling them about the other? Guy A and I are pretty much bf/gf status (minus the official announcement to friends) and I don't want to hurt him. But there's a chance that guy B and I will get along as well and be a better match (plus we've got parental support), and if I turn down the offer now, guy B and his parents will wonder why and be upset, since my parents were the ones pushing so hard at first to arrange the meet-up. Advice? Thank-you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ah, cultural differences.... if my parents tried to get their fingers in my love life, I'd tell them to stick their finger up their elsewheres, because after they are gone, I'll be the one living with whatever choice I made.

 

so, if I were in such a situation, I'd do whatever I wanted. that's me, I'm awfully stubborn and opinionated.

 

in your case, that might be to meet one-on-one with B and see if there's any kind of possibility there (please, don't focus just on physical traits, being tall is just like being short, and it doesn't mean he will be a better or worst human being), and then see in the end of the day, who did I really want to be with.

 

maybe B will make you totally forget about A; maybe you won't stop thinking about how A is SOOO much better than B, and maybe you'll sit and wonder if C wouldn't be a better choice, after all...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It comes down to whether you value your own happiness or your parents' happiness more. Think about it: you would never have even known about guy B if your parents didn't force him on you and you'd be contentedly dating guy A. They are being kind of selfish by even introducing the idea of it to you.

 

I know you love your parents but you are an adult and your own person. Date who makes YOU happy. You are the one that will be spending most of your time with this person. What your parents think or what guy B's parents think is irrelevant. It's about your happiness and your future.

 

Forget about guy B for now. Stay with guy A. If things don't work out then ask your parents about B again. If things do work out with A your parents will grow to like him because he makes you happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

do. not. sell yourself short, if this is looking to be serious, talk to guy B,,, keep guy A on the "unofficial" side,,, you can tell him you aren't completely ready,, but you are interested,, that's the best thing I could hear in that situation,,, but guy B might have way more to offer,, yes I get that you are content with guy A,,, but if guy B can offer more, and treat you better, that is someone to not hesitate with,, don't get with A before you give B your shot,,, If this is meant to be a serious relationship,, you need to think this out and not hop into it

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you should give B a chance. Not because of your parents but because, if you were REALLY into A, you wouldn't even be considering B. You noticed he is taller and more handsome. That right there tells me that you're just 'content' with A, not in love with him. Go on a date with B and see what happens.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you should give B a chance. Not because of your parents but because, if you were REALLY into A, you wouldn't even be considering B. You noticed he is taller and more handsome. That right there tells me that you're just 'content' with A, not in love with him. Go on a date with B and see what happens.

 

I was thinking the same. "Content" is a "meh" word.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ideally, I'd like to give both guys a chance (but I can't do that at the same time).

 

Of course you can. It's called dating.

 

Three dates and you are bf/gf?! Too soon!! You don't even know the guy.

 

Any suggestions on how I can explore potential with both guys without formally telling them about the other?

 

Tell both men you are dating right now. Don't commit to an exclusive relationship until you are ready for it. And if someone asks; tell the truth. Yeah; I'm still dating other people and want to.

 

And you need to stand up to your parents. Let me guess. You still live at home, too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...